Workplace Please help, I don't know what to do

[hermes_lemming]

ok so for those who don't know, i just recently started a new job after a ridiculously long haitus. and i literally just started but apparently i've already messed up.

long story short, soon after i joined, they had me involved in the interviewing process. and because of my short tenure there, i guess it was assumed i wouldn't have much to contribute to the interview and thus given a short window (10 min). that's not enough time interview and thus I wasn't given enough time to get a gauge on him yet. so when i was asked yay or nay, i couldn't give an answer and had to ask for more time.

Unbeknownst to me they all already like him. and were curious why i hadn't said yes or no yet. ding #1

Ding #2 i was given the task of coming up with test questions and given job descriptions to review as a base. in reviewing them, i thought of some changes to them and asked if i can. i didn't have access and was told no problem later.

well the next day, i heard that was a bad move since that's not my technical expertise. wtf did they give me this task anyhow?

i found this all out when i got to work yesterday, someone pulled me aside and said "look i'm telling this to you as a friend. you need to take it down by a LOT. you need to be the pretty girl that everyone wants to date and not the ugly girl that no one wants to date. you're basically like a chihuaha right now". i felt so bad i just wanted to head to a bar during lunch and just drink instead of eat. i was pretty much sullen and glum for the rest of the day.

my boss noticed this and asked that person who gave me the shyt news and asked what happened. she just told him "oh she is fine.. don't worry".

i just ate junk food yesterday. gained 2 lbs of water weight and now going back to work.

 

[ap.]

I think you should chill. use the first couple of months to learn the system and get the lay of the land while taking care that you get all your work done (and done well). no need to overreach. and no need to overreact - avoid the drama (if the boss noticed you moping, it's too much).

so just hit reset next week. I don't think you need to address your gaffes earlier this week unless you totally stepped on toes. you seem to have a friend at work so ask her for guidance if you need it.

 

[BittyMonkey]

Um.

I think you need to tell us more about this woman at work who is giving you advice.

 

[*schmoo*]

^This! Who would say that?

 

[BittyMonkey]

HL, don't automatically assume this woman has your best interest at heart, that's all I'm saying. And answering for you to your boss? Bad news.

 

[ms-whitney]

Maybe she was trying to tell you something that was not communicated in the best way, I still think it's too early for her to say anything but,

Speaking from experience, working in diff companies prior, I've seen colleagues who don't do their jobs right (missing paperwork, wrong stuff input, doesn't know the product info, etc) STILL get recommended for promotions, as I have

But I worked my arse off

I believe I've been told, work smart not hard..I could, I mean in a way I do, because I recognize the importance of politics and also observing coworkers and playing that game

But, I also for my own self, work hard. It's frustrating when I see others get to the same place, half as*ed but I've learned to just focus on myself

It's also hard when I know better or have different policies implemented and when I speak direct, they don't hear it, I have to learn how to speak so they understand, and most of the time, make it seem like it's their idea

So, maybe this coworker was trying to tell you that you have to learn how to adapt to the office environment, to help you..idealistically that's what I'd think, but maybe she was too blunt, harsh, etc, and this has you overly worried

I think it's meant to give caution,

 

[nycmom]

ok so for those who don't know, i just recently started a new job after a ridiculously long haitus. and i literally just started but apparently i've already messed up.


i found this all out when i got to work yesterday, someone pulled me aside and said "look i'm telling this to you as a friend. you need to take it down by a LOT. you need to be the pretty girl that everyone wants to date and not the ugly girl that no one wants to date. you're basically like a chihuaha right now". i felt so bad i just wanted to head to a bar during lunch and just drink instead of eat. i was pretty much sullen and glum for the rest of the day.

my boss noticed this and asked that person who gave me the shyt news and asked what happened. she just told him "oh she is fine.. don't worry".

I think you should chill. use the first couple of months to learn the system and get the lay of the land while taking care that you get all your work done (and done well). no need to overreach. and no need to overreact - avoid the drama (if the boss noticed you moping, it's too much).

so just hit reset next week. I don't think you need to address your gaffes earlier this week unless you totally stepped on toes. you seem to have a friend at work so ask her for guidance if you need it.

I am sorry you had a challenging first week and agree with the other posters that you need to be wary of this "friend". I think most of what you describe sounds like misunderstandings and being new to the job and environment and not really a big deal. However the sullen and glum act has got to stop asap and should not be repeated. You can't control anyones actions but your own and that kind of drama, especially in the beginning, is not going to win points with anyone. If she should say anything again I would thank her politely, not engage, put a smile on your face and get back to work. I hope you are able to relax a bit this weekend and are ready to go in on Monday for a fresh start. And even if you're not feeling it, please fake it!!!

 

[hermes_lemming]

I think you should chill. use the first couple of months to learn the system and get the lay of the land while taking care that you get all your work done (and done well). no need to overreach. and no need to overreact - avoid the drama (if the boss noticed you moping, it's too much).

so just hit reset next week. I don't think you need to address your gaffes earlier this week unless you totally stepped on toes. you seem to have a friend at work so ask her for guidance if you need it.

I didn't overreach. That's just it. I did what was given to me - which was create interview questions (for a position I barely knew anything about) and participate in the interviews. I'm a strict interviewer and I know that about myself. I don't give allowances based on someone's personal background, I hire on whether or not they can do that job.

I apologize but I really did mispoke. I didn't mope. I was just very quiet because she gave me this news and min later my boss walks in and noticed that I was quiet. He asked her why is HL quiet. She CHA and basically said "oh she is fine", not wanting to make her look like the bad person in that she just admonished me.

She can only help me so much as she is a different area. But she is aligning herself with my boss because she wants to be made perm.

Um.

I think you need to tell us more about this woman at work who is giving you advice.

This is a recruiter who I met years ago through a job posting. We never physically met until now but she has always kept an eye out for me regarding available jobs and whatnot. And so I will be forever indebted to her for this job.

She had this visual image of what she thought I would look like. And I saw a headshot of her taken many years ago. I was basically just what she imagined except my hair is wavy. But she was completely different from that headshot. I was first surprised when I saw her because I wasn't prepared for her physical stature but quickly masked that as best as I could. She has the nicest personality normally.

^This! Who would say that?

I think her heart was in the right place but to be frank, I've never been spoken to such a manner. She tried coaching me and saying that I should really speak so openly with people in positions below me. Especially if I'm vying to move ahead. Geez, I'm starting to feel like I'm in a bobby fischer match.

HL, don't automatically assume this woman has your best interest at heart, that's all I'm saying. And answering for you to your boss? Bad news.

I wasn't there when my boss inquired if I was ok. She told me afterwards. He is a very bright man and incredibly perceptive. But yes, I know what you mean. sigh...

Maybe she was trying to tell you something that was not communicated in the best way, I still think it's too early for her to say anything but,

Speaking from experience, working in diff companies prior, I've seen colleagues who don't do their jobs right (missing paperwork, wrong stuff input, doesn't know the product info, etc) STILL get recommended for promotions, as I have

But I worked my arse off

I believe I've been told, work smart not hard..I could, I mean in a way I do, because I recognize the importance of politics and also observing coworkers and playing that game

But, I also for my own self, work hard. It's frustrating when I see others get to the same place, half as*ed but I've learned to just focus on myself

It's also hard when I know better or have different policies implemented and when I speak direct, they don't hear it, I have to learn how to speak so they understand, and most of the time, make it seem like it's their idea

So, maybe this coworker was trying to tell you that you have to learn how to adapt to the office environment, to help you..idealistically that's what I'd think, but maybe she was too blunt, harsh, etc, and this has you overly worried

I think it's meant to give caution,

I was incredibly upset for 2 days and after that pretty much kept to myself, did my work and came home. I know she is trying to make herself indispensible so that she will be hired FT but this whole telephone game is driving me bananas. She always wants to know what conversations I've had with my boss, where he is, etc. It's rather maddening IMO and I think that's how I got burned in retrospect. They should have never given me that silly interview questions to compose, especially if I'm that familiar on the topic. As for the hiring, well, I think too much too soon. But you live and learn.

I'm not there to date and to be categorized as such is a bit OTT if you ask me. I remember when I first interviewed there, after every round she was curious as to why they were so enamoured with me. She kept telling me I can't date anyone there. Puh-lease. I'm not the type and know better. And besides they're ALL married.

I am sorry you had a challenging first week and agree with the other posters that you need to be wary of this "friend". I think most of what you describe sounds like misunderstandings and being new to the job and environment and not really a big deal. However the sullen and glum act has got to stop asap and should not be repeated. You can't control anyones actions but your own and that kind of drama, especially in the beginning, is not going to win points with anyone. If she should say anything again I would thank her politely, not engage, put a smile on your face and get back to work. I hope you are able to relax a bit this weekend and are ready to go in on Monday for a fresh start. And even if you're not feeling it, please fake it!!!

I wasn't sullen and glum. I was just quiet. I'm usually happy go lucky. I'm not going to do this telephone game anymore. If she wants to find my boss, she knows how to find him. And I will no longer repeat anymore conversations I had with my boss. I understand she wants to be made perm but not at the expensive of costing me my own job. I will be wary of her.

It sorta sux. I"m starting to wonder if how I look is now being used against me.

 

[BittyMonkey]

Eh. My spidey sense is tingling about her.

Never, ever let gratitude for getting a job keep you from seeing what someone is up to (as you noted in your last post). She may be the world's nicest person and I could (obviously) be wrong, but she has an agenda and she's not flushing it for you.

Here's an example. My former student and I have a very good relationship. I'm basically her mentor although now we're more colleagues and friends. She brought her relationship with me to her Ivy League faculty job where she has a new mentor.

Her beliefs about other women being supportive backfired when her mentor threw her under the bus for a political mistake the mentor made. As long as the mentor was superior it was fine. When my former student started advancing on tenure track it became a whole new ballgame.

 

[Designed_One]

ok so for those who don't know, i just recently started a new job after a ridiculously long haitus. and i literally just started but apparently i've already messed up.

long story short, soon after i joined, they had me involved in the interviewing process. and because of my short tenure there, i guess it was assumed i wouldn't have much to contribute to the interview and thus given a short window (10 min). that's not enough time interview and thus I wasn't given enough time to get a gauge on him yet. so when i was asked yay or nay, i couldn't give an answer and had to ask for more time.

Unbeknownst to me they all already like him. and were curious why i hadn't said yes or no yet. ding #1

Ding #2 i was given the task of coming up with test questions and given job descriptions to review as a base. in reviewing them, i thought of some changes to them and asked if i can. i didn't have access and was told no problem later.

well the next day, i heard that was a bad move since that's not my technical expertise. wtf did they give me this task anyhow?

i found this all out when i got to work yesterday, someone pulled me aside and said "look i'm telling this to you as a friend. you need to take it down by a LOT. you need to be the pretty girl that everyone wants to date and not the ugly girl that no one wants to date. you're basically like a chihuaha right now". i felt so bad i just wanted to head to a bar during lunch and just drink instead of eat. i was pretty much sullen and glum for the rest of the day.

my boss noticed this and asked that person who gave me the shyt news and asked what happened. she just told him "oh she is fine.. don't worry".

i just ate junk food yesterday. gained 2 lbs of water weight and now going back to work.

Uhhh what? Thats cray cray.

 

[Gimmethebag]

Eh. My spidey sense is tingling about her.

Never, ever let gratitude for getting a job keep you from seeing what someone is up to (as you noted in your last post). She may be the world's nicest person and I could (obviously) be wrong, but she has an agenda and she's not flushing it for you.

Here's an example. My former student and I have a very good relationship. I'm basically her mentor although now we're more colleagues and friends. She brought her relationship with me to her Ivy League faculty job where she has a new mentor.

Her beliefs about other women being supportive backfired when her mentor threw her under the bus for a political mistake the mentor made. As long as the mentor was superior it was fine. When my former student started advancing on tenure track it became a whole new ballgame.

All of this.

I'm not a stupid person, but I am terrible at picking up subtext. I've learned in my workplace that everyone is looking out for themselves and to document absolutely every single thing in email.

If they assigned you something and then are acting like you are overreaching, it helps to forward that original email with the assignment and ask what they would rather see going forward.