Workplace Physical abuse at work
- Thread starter lucywife
- Start date
Here is what I would do.
1. Give her a way to save face. No one likes to feel like a jerk, and it costs you nothing to be kind.
2. Talk to her. Say something like, "I know you don't mean to, but when you hit me it really hurts. I would prefer you not do that."
3. If you feel comfortable doing it, lie. This can be part of step 1. For example, "I grew up with an abusive brother/sister/parent/aunt, and when you hit me, even though I know it is just in fun, it brings up all those old feelings of abuse for me."
4. If she says you are too sensitive, agree. My favorite that I use all the time is, "I know, I'm delicate, like a flower." Said with a grin because I am far from delicate.
5. Reaffirm to her that you two are cool with each other and that you really like her you just freak out a bit when you are hit.
Lastly, this is the same advice I would give with a kid, a pet, or an adult... Start as you mean to go on. If something bugs you, address it immediately or nip it in the bud. You wouldn't let a pet bite you without correcting their behavior, don't let anyone else do something similar.
1. Give her a way to save face. No one likes to feel like a jerk, and it costs you nothing to be kind.
2. Talk to her. Say something like, "I know you don't mean to, but when you hit me it really hurts. I would prefer you not do that."
3. If you feel comfortable doing it, lie. This can be part of step 1. For example, "I grew up with an abusive brother/sister/parent/aunt, and when you hit me, even though I know it is just in fun, it brings up all those old feelings of abuse for me."
4. If she says you are too sensitive, agree. My favorite that I use all the time is, "I know, I'm delicate, like a flower." Said with a grin because I am far from delicate.
5. Reaffirm to her that you two are cool with each other and that you really like her you just freak out a bit when you are hit.
Lastly, this is the same advice I would give with a kid, a pet, or an adult... Start as you mean to go on. If something bugs you, address it immediately or nip it in the bud. You wouldn't let a pet bite you without correcting their behavior, don't let anyone else do something similar.
^ I disagree (respectfully).
If she ever touches you again, calmly & directly just say: please do not hit or slap me again; it hurts, and it is inappropriate.
You don't need to threaten a complaint, but after that, if she does even touch you, file a complaint.
If she ever touches you again, calmly & directly just say: please do not hit or slap me again; it hurts, and it is inappropriate.
You don't need to threaten a complaint, but after that, if she does even touch you, file a complaint.
For goodness sake, please DO NOT LIE in the workplace even if it's a lie about you. If you can't be professional and direct at work, where can you be? Just talk to her in private and say "You have hit me several times. I do not appreciate it and it hurts me. Please don't do it again." If she does it again, deal with it immediately even if it's in public "I have asked you before not to hit me. It hurts and I want you to stop." If it continues, report her.
Okay, the example I used in my previous post was a bad example, but that doesn't mean that no one ever lies. I think people lie all the time, they just aren't willing to admit they are lies. Withholding information is a lie of omission. For example, if you heard you got a promotion but it hadn't been announced yet. If someone asks you if you are going to get the promotion, would you say "I don't know, we will see" (which is a lie because you darn well KNOW you got it). Or, would you blurt out, "Yes", and potentially get in trouble since it wasn't announced yet? Or would you deflect the question somehow?
Face it. In polite society, we lie. I used to pride myself on being extremely truthful. If you asked me, I would tell you. If you got mad at my answer, I would shrug and say, "next time don't ask if you don't want the answer". As I have gotten older I have recognized that the majority of the people that got promotions would lie. Whether it was polite little white lies, lies of omission, or bold faced lies.
Personally, I love blunt people who say exactly what they think. Especially since that is my natural inclination. But after many years in the workforce I have learned that being completely honest does not usually get rewarded in a positive way.
I'm not saying become a pathological liar, but I don't see the harm in telling a small lie that allows someone to save face.
You will figure out the best solution. You may have already. Let us know how it worked out.
Face it. In polite society, we lie. I used to pride myself on being extremely truthful. If you asked me, I would tell you. If you got mad at my answer, I would shrug and say, "next time don't ask if you don't want the answer". As I have gotten older I have recognized that the majority of the people that got promotions would lie. Whether it was polite little white lies, lies of omission, or bold faced lies.
Personally, I love blunt people who say exactly what they think. Especially since that is my natural inclination. But after many years in the workforce I have learned that being completely honest does not usually get rewarded in a positive way.
I'm not saying become a pathological liar, but I don't see the harm in telling a small lie that allows someone to save face.
You will figure out the best solution. You may have already. Let us know how it worked out.
I agree with the others. Just take her aside and ask her to stop. Since she's done it before, and you didn't say anything, she probably thought it was OK with you. If it really isn't, it's all the more crucial that you do it ASAP. Don't show your anger, be polite and calm when you talk with her. If she stops, then continue to be polite and friendly with her. You don't need the animosity in the workplace. You don't need to bring it up again if she stops hitting you, but document that you talked with her about it on such and such date and what she said in response.
If she continues to hit you, notify your supervisor and hers, too, if she has a different one. Tell them about the specifics of the conversation you had with your coworker when you asked her to stop.
If she continues to hit you, notify your supervisor and hers, too, if she has a different one. Tell them about the specifics of the conversation you had with your coworker when you asked her to stop.
Honestly I think people have given you excellent advice and the best thing you can do is to tell her she's hurting you, that it's inappropriate and it needs to stop. If it's affecting your comfort at work and therefore your ability to do your job, it's your employers concern as much as it is yours.
Personally, I would use this as my plan B and try to overcome it in a jokey manner first, so you don't have to feel so awkward. The "hey! I'm still recovering from last time!" or "one of these days I'll come in with a suit of armour under my uniform" or something similar which would let her know it bothers you. Simply saying to her 'sorry, would you mind not doing that any more, I know you don't mean to hurt me but I'm sensitive' then laughing should get the message across.
I'll be honest, I'm a confident person but I'd struggle to tell someone outright to stop doing something especially if they weren't being intentionally horrible but at the end of the day she is hurting you and you have every right to be safe in your workplace.
Personally, I would use this as my plan B and try to overcome it in a jokey manner first, so you don't have to feel so awkward. The "hey! I'm still recovering from last time!" or "one of these days I'll come in with a suit of armour under my uniform" or something similar which would let her know it bothers you. Simply saying to her 'sorry, would you mind not doing that any more, I know you don't mean to hurt me but I'm sensitive' then laughing should get the message across.
I'll be honest, I'm a confident person but I'd struggle to tell someone outright to stop doing something especially if they weren't being intentionally horrible but at the end of the day she is hurting you and you have every right to be safe in your workplace.
Tell her that she is no longer allowed to touch you!!! She should consider herself warned.
The woman sounds like a nutbag. Who does that?
I have never touched my co-workers (that I don't interact with socially - dinner, happy hour, etc). LOL
That is so inappropriate.
The woman sounds like a nutbag. Who does that?
I have never touched my co-workers (that I don't interact with socially - dinner, happy hour, etc). LOL
That is so inappropriate.
