PHH/SO and Bag Habit

  1. Megs and I welcomed our baby boy earlier this month and wanted to share the news with the TPF community. Come say hello to Baby Vaughn!
    Dismiss Notice
  1. I recently gotten into more of a higher end bag habit, and this was after I've been with my bf for over 1 yr. We had a conversation last night, and I hypothetically brought up, for example, getting a Hermes bag in the future. He said he would consider LEAVING if that were the case given the outrageous cost. Granted, I would feel guilty spending several thousands of dollars and I'm not sure if I would necessarily want a Hermes in the future. If I ever bought the bag it would be with my own money. He said spending that kind of money on a purse is materalistic and better used on retirement/ charity/college fund for kids. I agree that I wouldn't spend a lot on a purse unless I comfortably put enough money for those kinds of things. Plus, I probably would not get more than 2-3 expensive bags per year. Did any of you have a SO/PHH who felt this way initially and then got more tolerant with time? Is there hope? :yes:
  2. I've found my SOs have gradually become more tolerant. They just realize I am who I am and I won't change (just because they want me to). Also, they always become increasingly more conscientious of how they dress. People's habits/traits rub off on each other....

    But, of course, your SO has to not mind these sorts of things enough to be receptive of becoming more tolerant....
  3. I think I have to break him in slowly. His family has money, but they were more frugal with their spending. I've definetely gotten him to loosen up in that sense. He's ok w/ me spending 1000+ on a bag 1-2/yr but a $7000 Hermes purse to him is nuts. Still a bit nuts to me at this point, but I'm not earning a whole lot right now. Like I said, I would spend my money for that stuff, but he considers it "our" money when we're married thus his discomfort with it.
  4. How would he feel if you held off on bags for a few years to get that 7k Hermes bag? It's the same money in the end, inflation and other factors aside.
  5. That's definetely true. I think a couple grand bags intermittently is less painful than one big costly bag, but like you said the cost is the same. I'll have to ask him about that. He understands partly my habit is how I grew up since my mom enjoys nice handbags, but his mom never spent more than probably $50 on one.
  6. As an aside, ask that at your own risk, just in case he starts mentally tabulating what it costs per year!
  7. Good point! I may want to rethink this. :yes:
  8. Frankly, $7,000 on a bag is nuts to me, too, unless it has 18 carat gold hardwear, or stunning and extremely time consuming detailing/embellishment.

    My absolute upper limit for a bag is about $2,500 (and that would have to be a really nice bag, like a BV).

    Maybe I just don't know enough about the Hermes manufacturing process; but I really can't see what you are paying that much for, except exclusivity? :shrugs:

    So, I'm probably not the right person to ask, sorry! :lol:
  9. Every now and then, I joke with my hubby that I will get the $100k Hermes Birkin with the diamond studded hardware. Now, THAT (IMO) is nuts. But you need to look at what type of financial situation you're in.

    Is your retirement set? Do you own a home? If all your ducks are in a row and you can afford a $7k bag, then I say go for it. But if it's at the cost of say retirement, paying the mortgage, then I'd say that you probably should re-evaluate your priorities. My hubby has a hard time with my Balenciagas. He indulges me because he knows that on average, women's stuff costs more (look at our toiletries and makeup for example).

    A Birkin will always be a classic. I doubt its status will ever change. Just take a look at why you want it and whether it is a wise purchase for you. You can look like a millionaire or be a millionaire. If you're smart about it, you can do both!
  10. My DH is a PHH even though we have the income to support my bag shopping! I agree - a house, cars, education, retirement are priorities - you should not sacrifice those for a Birkin.
    That being said, if you can afford it - go for it! I had wanted a Birkin for as long as I knew what it was and the status/value behind it - and also just bought my first one.
    I do think if you and your SO plan to settle down, there needs to be some understanding/acceptance of each others' values and priorities. Finances is one of the most fought-about things, and you don't want to end up broken up later because of it.
  11. If he's just a boyfriend, then it's none of his business. But I'm married and I would feel horribly guilty spending the kind of money that Hermes costs on ONE bag. We keep our finances separate except for certain agreed-upon joint expenses, but that doesn't mean my decision to buy a $10-15K bag wouldn't affect my husband in the future. I wouldn't want him to spend that kind of money on something like that either.

    I shop a lot, and I pay for all of it with my "own" money, but there is a certain point where it's definitely reasonable for the other person to have an opinion, IMO.

  13. I think it's why I wouldn't go higher than a certain limit for now. This is not to judge anyone who can or wants to someday have an Hermes, but as you so rightly said about having all of your ducks in a row, well, that's a definite priority for me, too, as far as my ducks are concerned :yes:. Hermes is a far off dream for now- Chanel is actually at the higher end for me right now. There'll always be something better out there for me to aspire to own, so at some point I have to draw the line for myself.

    But in 20 years? Who knows?? :graucho:
  14. my hubby does not care..... as long as i am using my money and not using the household money....
  15. Right now, spending more than 1500 on a bag would probably give me chest pain. I too can't see myself spending thousands of dollars on one bag even if it is necessarily Hermes, but I like to throw out hypotheticals to him every once in a while. Will I ever want one in the future? I really don't know. I'm still in the new LV phase, but I'm liking Tod's and Longchamps. :yes: As I mentioned before, I wouldn't spend money like that unless everything else was taken care of. Actually met a financial planner to discuss retirement/finance issues. Definetely felt like a grownup then! I think as people's income levels change their needs vs. wants also change. But, I know keeping perspective is important. If I have my health, family, and loved ones bags are just a plus not a necessity. If it really upset him, I would likely not do it. It's not worth poisoning our relationship over a bag for sure. We have talked about finances since hopefully we'll be engaged in the future. Luckily, only the bag issue is the main thing he complains about. :yes: He definetely spends more $ on clothes than me since he has to go to speciality stores/custom made since he's almost as tall as Yao Ming!