Other people's children

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  1. These were my thoughts too. That being said, it may very well be possible that her parents ARE aware and just don't care ( I see this a lot in my own neighborhood). In which case, it makes the situations harder for you because you will have to phrase what you want to say carefully, but I Really do feel that you have to say something which sucks because I HATE having to confront my neighbors about things. But I also hate my personal space and property being intruded on or violated so I am feeling for you on this.

    As for the other situation, it may be that you need to not extend an invite over anymore. I understand that you do not have children, but I don't think you should have to go out and buy things to keep other people's children happy. Eve if you did and he's two - no matter what you buy will entertain him for about 5 minutes before he's off in your plants again. I have children and I have stopped extending invites to people whose children run amuck in my house. I have enough of a time taking care of my own, I don't need to watch other people's children too, in order to defend my personal property, which my husband and I worked hard to buy and work harder to maintain and keep clean and in good condition:P
     
  2. I forgot to ask & maybe someone already did but do you have a HOA? You could probably submit your concern with them.
     
  3. We were the same way when our daughter was a toddler. I was so conscientious whenever I would bring her to anybody's house, especially someone's house where they don't have kids and it's not exactly kid-proof. It's my responsibility as her mom to ensure that she doesn't break or trash anything in their home.

    This is a tough subject, and I agree with what everybody has suggested. You should go to her parents, not the child, and discuss with them that not only are you concerned for her safety, but there are days where you actually like to be alone. I know I wouldn't want anybody coming around unannounced for that exact reason. I'm a loner at heart and love my time to myself. Explain that to them so it appears that it's not their daughter, but you. Not that you should have to do that, because it's their responsibility as their parents to ensure that she doesn't go wandering by herself and help herself to people's yards/property.

    With the toddler situation, don't discipline the toddler, he's just being a toddler. That's what toddlers do. "Discipline" the stupid parents that are too blind to notice that their "perfect' kid is trashing your home. I'm sorry, but that is unacceptable. I would just tell her nicely that as much as you love her son and love when they come around, to please keep an eye on him so he doesn't break anything or spill anything.

    It's YOUR home, your rules.
     
  4. #34 Jan 25, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2009
    I'm assuming you meant testacles. :roflmfao:
     
  5. Or even...testicles ! :roflmfao:;)

    but tentacles can be useful too!
     
  6. Yeah, that's true. I guess if you need 8 arms to get things done, why not? :roflmfao:
     
  7. I assumed rainrowan meant "tentacles" as in like a giant octopus with big suckers and kinda scary looking. Something you wouldn't want to touch LOL... maybe I have an overractive imagination LOL
     
  8. What's an HOA? :shrugs: Sorry, it's probably really obvious but I am a total doofus LOL
     
  9. Thanks onegirlcreative - your "loner" thing is exactly how I feel! I don't like anyone coming over without an invitation - friends included - it's not just the 12yo.

    Here's and update for all you lovely people who provided advice: we put a big padlock on the gate and the very next day, there was a little knock at the door and the 12yo was there going "Do you know you can't open your gate from the outside? I had to climb over the fence - lucky I'm a good climber!" :rolleyes:

    So I took the opportunity to say (nicely) "Oh, no, the gate is locked because we don't like people coming around when we're not here. I'm afraid the dog will get out and run away, and it's just not safe - remember when we talked about that when we first met?"

    And she was really good! She sort of went "Oh yeah, I remember! I'm really careful about the dog, but I know lots of people aren't so it's good that you've locked the gate. I'll be sure to make sure that no one comes in here when you're not here."

    Something about the way she said it kind of made me think she was including herself in the equation and also somehow felt quite important with this new "responsibility" she seemed to have taken on to keep people out of our yard LOL - hopefully that will work and she

    I haven't talked to her parents yet, and I don't think I will if it stops... :shrugs: we'll see.
     
  10. I must say another thank you to everyone for all their great advice. I find it really lovely to see that even people with young children are very conscious of how their kids behave around others (especially childless people). I also am heartened to hear that the "your place your rules" attitude still applies nowadays - putting it into practice is the hard part though!

    These sorts of situations have been very hard to deal with for me, as I know that my friends are so sensitive about their child, yet it makes me sad that I have considered severing the friendship (by not having them over) because of his behaviour (or theirs LOL). I honestly do not think I am going to be able to "discipline" the parents without a lot of personal offence being taken because it's their only child involved.

    She called up a few days ago and wanted to drop in; when I said "or we could drop in at your place" she didn't seem very keen, so I just said we were a bit busy at the moment. Something's gotta give sooner or later, I just hope it can happen without too many feelings being hurt.
     
  11. honestly, I think in both cases it is understandable that you are not happy, and this seems quite easy to handle I think (no need to worry about anyone's emotions here) both is really the parents, not the kids IMO. (I have two kids)

    in the first case: go and talk to the mother if this continues after you told her again: it seems this girl is doing this not just because she has come to your house before but because this is her habit. and honestly, this is a lack of respect for other people's property. which mother in her right mind will let her little girl hop around alone, after she has already been bitten and scarred by a dog?? she sounds a bit disserted, If you know what i mean?
    I think you will have to tell the little girl in a really assertive tone, that she cannot come to the garden alone, or otherwise you have to go talk to her parents. she is old enough to understand you, and just chooses otherwise IMO.

    the second one: my bro and SIL are these kind of parents that will let their child run wild, preferrably in my parent's house. my mother has a lot of white furniture, wooden floors, etc. and when she doesn't like something, she just says: hey sorry but that is not on in my house, to my bro (you'd think he knows..) and SIL. SIL can get touchy so it is always an issue, but state clearly what kids can and cannot do in your house to parents and later on to the kids themselves. we were always told by our parents' friends. plus, parents should really not let their kids play with an ashtray
     
  12. HOA=Home Owner's Association.
     
  13. As you know from my other thread, do not put your friendship at risk. Meaning, talk to them now before it builds up and you just blow up like a ticking time bomb. Unfortunately, that's how I am. Which is what is happening with me with my other friends (from my other thread). I am such a chicken-sh!t, that I never spoke up even though it drove me nuts when they were disciplining her right in front of me. Stand up to them now, but nicely and calmly, and the ball is in their court. If they still take offense by you standing up to them, then guess what? They weren't your friends to begin with.

    That's the approach I am going to take with my friends, and see where it goes.

    I'm glad that the padlock situation worked (keeping my fingers crossed). Let's hope she turned this into a positive and wanted to be the guard of your home. Although the fact that she told you she STILL climbed your gate/fence after it was clear she couldn't get in, would drive me nuts! You have the patience of a saint, my friend.

    Good luck.