Other people's children

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  1. Sorry, DlkinVegas - I meant to include you in my previous post as well - my best friend said all these same things to me today. She says that the parents might just be inconsiderate, or they might not be noticing, or they might be at a stage in their lives where they don't realise the impact their toddler heas... it could be a whole raft of things, but that I should step in because his behaviour is affecting my house and if that does nothing, I may have to wait until he's older before having mum and dad over again! LOL
     
  2. Thank you so much everyone - I really appreciate all your answers! I have read through each and every one of them and I have nodded and sighed the whole way through. I'm so glad to know that disciplining someone else's children seems to be a difficult area even for those of you who are parents yourselves. I've gotten some great advice on a number of ways to deal with this, which gives me a lot of options for what I should do. I feel better, I really do!

    Re: the 12-year-old, I am going to approach her mum/dad next time I see them (I won't make a special trip) and talk to them exactly the way you guys have suggested.
     
  3. LOL - just one last one - this is what my SO said, AlbertsLove! And after we saw that she was trick or treating alone, I thought "I wonder how many axe murdered/paedophiles' doors she has knocked on this evening?"

    I agree that her parents should be keeping a closer eye on her. I did ask her what her parents said about the dog bite she received and she said they didn't say anything. I don't know how serious it was at the time, but she does have a small scar under her eye.
     
  4. i_wona, you need to get a bigger dog! That'll keep her away. :graucho:
     
  5. And as for the stick-toting, cigarette-scattering toddler, you need to make it clear (either to the child or its parents) that you don't appreciate having your house smashed or trashed and that you'd appreciate it if these things didn't happen again in future. That's the nice neighbour version. If you want to make your message crystal clear you could always tell them that sticks aren't used to hit the house, but rather the bottoms of naughty boys and girls. Quite obviously I have no children of my own (and it seems very little compassion).:graucho:
     
  6. ^^Ha. I dont even like to take my toddler to anyones house because I spend the entire time policing & I cannot enjoy myself. I will not let her destroy peoples' stuff.

    My friend let her daughter carry a sippy cup around my house & spilled milk on an iphone & didnt clean it up, also spilled milk on my couches, rug, etc.. She hasnt been back since. I cannot deal with other peoples children, lol.
     
  7. I totally agree. Now with the 2 year old I would step in and say NO NO "johnie" that isn't yours, please don't touch. They have to learn somehow, whether it be from you or his parents, someone needs to say something!
     
  8. Can you put a lock on the gate when you are gone? You don't have to answer to anything. If the neighbors get all bent out of shape, that's their problem. I had a woman trying to pawn her kids on me for free babysitting and I never allowed it to happen. She was pissed off majorly, but that's a small price to pay to keep my sanity with them entering our yard at all hours.

    As for the 2yo, I would nip that in the bud right away... I used to speak softly and kindly only to have it fall on deaf ears. Parents who don't correct their child when s/he does or say something inappropriate, basically enables the child to continue doing it at other peoples' homes. I had one child who would scream at me for not letting him come visit my son (after he physically tortured my son on more than one occasion), only to have his mother stand there letting him have his say.

    It took a while but I've learned to grow a set of tentacles LOL. The best way is to look the child squarely in the eye and say firmly "Hello. Yes. You. We don't do that around here." and then remove the stick from his hand. And my son's peers who come and disrupt everything, I tell them: "You. You need to leave. Now." "Do you need me to talk to your mother/father? (whichever is the one they are afraid of)" They usually take off in a hurry. Children should never get the upper hand, especially if their parents are allowing it. It's your home, not theirs.
     
  9. :woohoo::woohoo::woohoo::woohoo::woohoo:

    OP, you seem like a VERY sweet person - I'm sorry your good nature and generosity hasn't been returned in kind.
     
  10. LOL the title of this thread made me laugh. I think if it is something that is damaging to your property, you have a right to say something but be gentle about it. I would always wait to see if the parents said something first, or just report to the parents what happened and see if they say something, but if they don't, then I think you have a right to step in to prevent something from happening to your property, etc.

    This reminds me of a time that I was watching a baseball game and there was this little boy, about 2 years old with his mother next to me. The parents did not see him, but I watched the little boy pick up a piece of chewed gum off of the ground and was *this* close to putting it in his mouth before I said, "Nooo, don't do that!" I could not bear to watch the child put a piece of chewed gum in his mouth and if I waited for the parents to see, it would have been too late. I then explained to the mother that the gum was about to go in his mouth and I said I was sooo sorry for stepping in, but she just laughed and was actually very thankful because she didn't see him doing it and I stopped the little boy just in time. I think in that situation it was okay, but I still felt funny because it was not my child. I think it's better that I said something, though, than let child risk choking on gum (not to mention it's "ABC" gum probably filled with germs, lol).
     
  11. I think you really need to talk to the 12 year old's parents. Tell them you don't want to be responsible if the dog bites their daughter while you are out.

    Regarding the 2 year old. Does the Mom bring toys to entertain the child? If not, when he starts playing with something you don't want him to play with (like banging a stick against your house), gently take it away and replace with something that he can play with. My daughter really likes to play with measuring cups and spoons.

    I would suggest putting things away that are in his reach that you don't want him to touch. My daughter will go for picture frames and candles...and I find it a bit annoying when I know the owners of the house don't want my daughter to touch it, but just leave it there in her reach. Like my Mom's house isn't baby proof and when my baby gets into things, my Mom constantly yelling for me to grab her and stop her. I mean, I will have to constantly stop her from going back to those things which gets very tiring. It's best to put it up high so everyone can relax. Obviously, you don't have to totally baby proof your house. Just temporarily put away certain things that you want to keep safe.

    I always bring toys, books and DVD's for my daughter to keep her occupied.
     
  12. ^thanks omgsweet - I think I will have to start moving things out of the 2yo's way, as mum and dad don't bring anything for him to play with. I should have known, though, as last time they were around, dad asked me "how child-friendly is your garden?" (the 2yo wanted to go outside while we were having a drink and chat inside), and I was like "Ummm.... it's not child-friendly at all - we don't have children!"

    I guess it's just something I never thought about. I mean, apart from moving small or breakable things out of the way, child-proofing things are way beyond my sphere of thinking. For example, mum was talking to me last time about how easy it is for a child to drown in just 10cm of water and I didn't realise until afterward that she was probably referring to the small pond we have in the garden and the fact that it has no wire or protective covering over it!
     
  13. LOL - you sound like you're very conscious and respectful of other people's things and personal space, dlkinVegas. I wish it was you coming over to my house :P
     
  14. Hi rainrowan, thanks for the tip - we've just finished doing this! SO went out and bought some heavy duty padlocks and we're hoping that this will do the trick. We're banking on the fact that if she can't get in, she'll get bored and coming over while we're not here will kind of just fall away from her choice of activities. Thanks! :tup:


    I love these pieces of advice, I really do - it makes me feel better about being so sensitive about the whole thing. I think deep down, I really am more bothered by the fact that my friends don't see that my property is being damaged than I am about the 2yo damaging things, KWIM?

    I just want to be able to deal with this sensibly, though, because I know that one wrong word or gesture (even if I think I am being reasonable) may be enough to put mum and dad out for good. I don't want to offend anyone, but unfortunately, people's children seem to be an especially sensitive area and things seem to get heated more easily.
     
  15. ^^100% completely know what you mean!!
    I found myself wondering what was wrong with the picture and why I felt so uncomfortable until I finally had a better grasp over the situation/s.