Open Letters: Dear...

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rachieface

rachieface

ilikeike!
Nov 18, 2007
6,101
1
#1
So I don't know if this has been done in here before, but I know sometimes I write little open ended letters to people who have frustrated me and I can't scream at them, those I love and can't tell them, or those I secretly think suck but only ignore. Here's a place to write all those little letters down and maybe your letter can inspire someone to actually open their mouth (or keep it shut!) in the real world.




Dear Entitled Lady With the Screechy Voice and Mousy Daughter,

I'm sorry we didn't have any bottled water to bestow upon you yesterday. We were just about to get our order later that day, but alas this was not acceptable. The look you and your daughter gave me was one of horror, so I offered to get you a (triple filtered!) cup of water in which your daughter accepted with a serious "If I have to..." I handed you the water in which you said "Oh! I need a large one! I'm going to drink it all so quick!" in which I responded with a possible blank stare but with as much enthusiasm as I could muster from such entitlement and gave you a SUPER HUGE CRAZY WATER. Twenty minutes passes by and you hand the water to my coworker and say "I just wanted to hand this to you because it's too heavy to throw away" AND YOU DIDN'T DRINK A SINGLE SIP OF IT. NOT. ONE. SIP. Thank you for making something this miniscule in my life lead to me writing anonymous letters to you in a purse forum.

Drinking Bottled Water RIGHT NOW HAHA,
rachieface
 
#4
Dear Personal Phone Caller:

Although I certainly appreciate how much you care for your friends and family, sitting in the cubicle next to you is like torture. Please stop calling everyone on the face of the planet that you know. Please cease trying to talk softly and all I can hear are the "t"s and "p"s and "s"s of your conversation. I'm glad you have a close friend getting married Saturday. I'm disturbed that I know all about it. I'm frightened that you are the person in charge of food and drinks and this is Wednesday...and the wedding is Saturday!

Please work and take care of your personal items at home after you get off work.
 
#6
Dear Rude Old Man,

I'm so glad that watching me struggle to open a door while pushing a double stroller, carrying a purse & shopping bags is fascinating. Thanks for not even offering to help, I know it's a difficult thing to do especially when your hands are empty and you're an able-bodied man. And, by the way, you're welcome for ME holding the door open for YOU.
 
#7
Dear Wealthy-Looking Banker in Armani with Salt & Pepper Hair,

I am APPALLED -- APPALLED -- that you took up one of the handicapped seats at the front of the bus and did not offer it to the little old lady clinging on for dear life right in front of you. Surely you saw her but was determined to be engrossed in your Wall Street Journal. If I weren't stuck standing in the back of the bus, I would have walked up and publically asked you to give up your seat for a little old lady who clearly needs it more. You turd.
 
#8
dear hot looking neighbor up the street,

thank you for dressing up so nicely every morning in your braless tank tops and low waisted sweatpants. the high heels are especially nice when walking the kids to school at 7 am.

i am sincere in my thanks, because my husband and all of the other husbands love to watch you bounce down the street. they gladly take the kids to school just to watch you.

i get to stay home and drink coffee!
 
#9
Too funny!



guccimamma said:
dear hot looking neighbor up the street,

thank you for dressing up so nicely every morning in your braless tank tops and low waisted sweatpants. the high heels are especially nice when walking the kids to school at 7 am.

i am sincere in my thanks, because my husband and all of the other husbands love to watch you bounce down the street. they gladly take the kids to school just to watch you.

i get to stay home and drink coffee!
Click to expand...
 
#10
Dear irratating passenger,

Thankyou for paying my wages, but PLEASE QUIT ASKING ME FOR ALCOPOPS. For the 5th time, WE DO NOT STOCK ALCOPOPS. How many people would you wish to ask onboard. I'm sure by now the 90 year old woman sitting at the aisle will know that we don't sell, yeah you know by now huh?


Lots of thanks and love
Chloe (Trolley Dolly from tpf)
 
#13
guccimamma said:
dear hot looking neighbor up the street,

thank you for dressing up so nicely every morning in your braless tank tops and low waisted sweatpants. the high heels are especially nice when walking the kids to school at 7 am.

i am sincere in my thanks, because my husband and all of the other husbands love to watch you bounce down the street. they gladly take the kids to school just to watch you.

i get to stay home and drink coffee!
Click to expand...
Oh, dear god! This is just hilarious!:roflmfao:
 
#14
Dear Publisher,
It was so exciting to go outside to see the fab new BMW your lovely stay at home wife got you for Christmas!
And I know how heartbroken you were to notify us that there would be no Christmas bonus for the staff this year, but I have to let you know, your announcement, followed by the hearty exclamation of "But ya'll come outside & see what Mumsy got me for Christmas!" just made all the disappointment melt away.
We're all just so freakin' happy for you!
Regards,
your devoted employee

Obviously, I'm packing a slight grudge.:cursing:
 
#15
gacats said:
Dear Publisher,
It was so exciting to go outside to see the fab new BMW your lovely stay at home wife got you for Christmas!
And I know how heartbroken you were to notify us that there would be no Christmas bonus for the staff this year, but I have to let you know, your announcement, followed by the hearty exclamation of "But ya'll come outside & see what Mumsy got me for Christmas!" just made all the disappointment melt away.
We're all just so freakin' happy for you!
Regards,
your devoted employee

Obviously, I'm packing a slight grudge.:cursing:
Click to expand...

:wtf: Holy moly -- is this your boss?
 
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