Open Letter to Pets (HYSTERICAL!!)

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  1. Letter to Pets
    The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
    Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
    The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
    Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
    (1) They live here. You don't.
    (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
    (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
    Remember, dogs an d cats are better than kids because they:
    (1) eat less,
    (2) don't ask for money all the time,
    (3) are easier to train,
    (4) normally come when called,
    (5) never ask to drive the car,
    (6) don't smoke or drink,
    (7) don't want to wear your clothes,
    (8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
    (9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
    (10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...
  2. :lol: This one cracks me up, because every time I use the bathroom at home, without fail, there are furry arms being jammed frantically underneath the door.
  3. :roflmfao: My cat is a complete nightmare for the bathroom and bed thing! My bathroom door isn't the greatest and doesn't have a lock on it, so my cat just tends to walk into it and use her head as... well a battering ram really lol, she just pushes the door open with her head and strolls on in.
  4. i keep my bathroom door open because i live alone... and youd think i'm giving them a show or something..... no matter where they are... if i go to the bathroom... instantly have 4 cats following me in and just sitting and staring at me. so odd!
  5. ^ :lol:

    I probably shouldn't post this here, but when my husband uses the bathroom, one of our cats follows him in there and will curl up in his pants/boxers that are on the floor, while he's sitting there doing his business.

    This is the same cat who also likes to sit on the bathroom counter and bat playfully at my husband's crotch while he gets undressed to shower, or right after he gets out of the shower.
  6. so i have a love hate thing with my cats they both are brother and sister age 4 why when they kill a mouse do they drop it on my foot or in the doorway of my room sick sick gross
  7. This is fantastic. I love it :smile:
  8. Lol. So true.
  9. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. true!!! LOL!
  10. this letter is hilarious! especially since it's all so true!
  11. It's not a toy!

  12. lmao, these are so true!

    Also, I'd like to add to my girls: You are very lucky we allow you up on the couch. Realize that there is more than one cushion, and we don't all have to sit on the same one.
  13. ^ I know! Cleo the dog gets one cushion, my boyfriend and I are squished into 1 1/2 cushions, and one of our 3 cats has the other one!
  14. :lol: That's what I hear my husband yelling every morning! When I hear that, I know exactly what's going on in there.
  15. LOL Great list!

    Yeah, I don't know what the bathroom thing is about. I leave the door a bit cracked if DH isn't home and everytime Turbo has to come nosing his way in! He stares into the tub and then concentrates on watching me. Sometimes I get scared he's going to want a "Turbo Hug" while I'm going so I always kick him out.

    Turbo Hug: dog jumps up and latches front paws around waist of human that's sitting. Kisses and tail wagging commences. (He DOES recognize the words "turbo hug" as well as he knows what "walk" means.