Old Wives Tales....

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  1. I'm getting a lot of "tips" from my mother about what the elders say and it's driving me crazy!!! I keep saying well I believe in modern medicine and she keeps telling me there is book smart and street smart. Not really sure what that's supposed to mean :weird:

    Here is what I have been told:
    1. Boys can't cry for a long time especially when they are so little because it will hurt their testicles :shrugs:
    2. My breastmilk looks too light and it's because I don't eat red meat. (Note: DS was born @ 6lbs 6oz and is now almost 12 lbs @ 7 weeks so I don't think he is malnourished.)
    3. I can't drink anything cold without a straw because if anything cold touches my teeth it will cause permanent nerve damage (Note: yes we are Chinese)
    4. If DS is eating too much then I should give him water. I told her that was very dangerous and she told me I should stop reading books.

    Gosh there are so many more I can't keep count. I told her that I was going to give her the number to my pediatrician and she could call her if she didn't believe me. Thank kind of uspet her!

    What have all of you ladies been told???

    PS - She is having a really hard time with the whole back to sleep concept and I keep trying to explain SIDS to her. She isn't letting DS sleep on his tummy on her watch but I think she thinks I'm exaggerating!
  2. Ahhh Yes, I believe many many of us have heard these sort of things from their moms and other older women who of course "know better" than us!! My mom (and all other Greek women ) swore I was NOT TO BE SEEN OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE and definitely not take baby out until the baby was 40 days old! Even then, had to get the 40 day blessing from the priest before I could start taking the baby to visit other people's homes! I of course went out...could not STAND being in the house for 40 days!! Same for baby...I took both my daughters out of the house. Noone could explain why it was 40 days...it is just something that many many many many many Greeks believe.

    It is so frustrating, I know. It's good you can come here and vent to us about all of these things! Stay strong!!!
  3. Wow! 40 days??? For the Chinese its a 30 day lock down for mom and baby. I totally ignored it too. Wouldve been so depresses. Everytime I walked out of the house someone "wiser" would say you're going to be in pain when you are old. My cousin who is more traditional than me actually stayed home with baby for 30 days and wasn't allowed to bathe. Ewwww. My mom would talk on the phone to her friends in front of me saying she's American and not listening as if I couldn't hear her!

    Glad this is such a great place to vent!!
  4. i love this thread: My mom said the same thing to me... I cant go out of the house till after 30 days - i did on the 3rd day... baby cant go out till after 40 days - baby went out on the 3rd day.. i cannot wash my hair for the whole entire month - washed on the 3rd day, baby and i have to bathe in special kind of water - skip it; she wanted baby and i bathe in special kind of water (she made them) - refused it. i cannot walk up and down the stairs till after 30 days - i did right after i got home. cannot eat or drink cold stuff - drank and ate it right away. she too talks to her friends on the phone saying i dont listen...
  5. Heeheehee. I mean this all made sense for the old days pre hot running water, heaters, and modern medicine. But for the year 2010???

    Oh and when I bring up that non chinese women don't do any of this and even work out. Her answer to this is that they aren't chnese and our bodies are different. Yeah my mother would yell at me everytime I bent over too. I thought it was bad when I was pregnant but that's nothing compared to now.

    Oh plus she keeps telling me how to breastfeed and criticing me. She bf for a total of 3 days with me and didn't for my bro and sis. I'm having a tough time bfing and trying to stick with it for 6 months. She keeps telling everyone that I'm not making enough milk. It's like I'm seriously flawed. Argh!!!
  6. I'm pregnant right now and my mom is already coming up with crazy wives tales. I hate when she calls up my aunt, puts her on speaker phone and then they both gang up on me. Telling me I have to make sure I look at pretty pictures all day long so my baby comes out pretty. What I need to eat, what to feed my baby when they come out, who is to hold the baby so that they baby is smart and wise. :shrugs: I feel your pain and I just seeing it get worst when the baby arrives.
  7. Oh yes it gets worse once baby arrives! My parents favorite line is "oh yes, we forgot you know everything already, we don't know anything, we didn't raise children!"
    I remember when I was pregnant I was told not to smell flowers or baby will have a birth mark on her face! It is so hard not to scream with all of these ridiculous pieces of "advice"!
  8. wow ladies....wow!

    sometimes i wish i had more culture in my family/life, but after reading this post and other ones like it, it kinda makes me happy that i don't. and no offense to any one, but i think i would blow up if i had to listen to my mom/relatives giving me "advice" and criticizing my every move. GL to you all, stay strong and happy :smile:
  9. Just the idea that your child's looks or intelligence can be affected by looking at pretty things, smelling flowers, or being held by certain people is just so ridiculous! Too funny.

    I haven't heard too much yet, but probably will as I become more visibly pregnant (or as more people find out). But we don't have any strong cultural aspects to our families, either. The only "precaution" I can think of so far is not to vacuum... which doesn't bother me! lol. My husband did take over the vacuuming, though; we have a central vac system and the attachment combined with the dog hair requires a lot of bending down and standing up (and we have hardwood floors throughout the house so when we vacuum the entire house gets done). It really does make me sore by the time I'm done.
  10. alo6 - I'm Chinese so here's my 2 cents:

    1. Your breastmilk is light because your DS is only almost 2 months. It'll get richer as he's bigger.
    2. Water is not dangerous for babies unless it's large amount, one or two teaspoons after each feed is fine.
    3. I asked about SIDS, my pedi (who is DH's cousin) said in this part of the world, Asia, SIDS is very rare. It's OK to let baby sleep on tummy. We all slept on our tummy!
  11. as for me...
    I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. I stayed at my mum's place for the first month. I bathed on the second day, my hubby told his mum tt it's unhygienic not to do it. We went shopping as a family on the 8 day. I permed n highlighted my hair on the 2nd week and started shopping with my daughter from the 3rd week onwards. I just do whatever I like and my mum supports me. I won't allow my MIL to interfere in any parenting decisions I make.

    I totally understand how you feel cos my MIL is like that too. I went for antenatal class and the lactation consultant cleared all the MYTHS ... here's her explanation! (hope you can use these to explain to your mum/MIL/other elders.

    1. Not bathing for 30 days.
    The reason why women of the past do not do it is bcos the water sanitation is not good. the well water is not clean and thus, to prevent infection to the tear/ wound, they rather not bathe. However, in modern days we have clean warm water from the heater and it is safe to bathe and not get an infection.

    NOTE: Not bathing for 30 days has effects on the baby latching on. the baby will not want to nurse cos it's too dirty n sweaty n salty! GOSH!

    2. Not washing hair for 30 days.
    In the past, as aboe, the well water is TOO Freaking COLD and using cold water will cause dizziness cos due to lost of blood. so just use warm water to bathe n wash hair.

    3. No direct wind
    Just use the AIR CONDITIONING. it's still air.

    4.Anyone that has not breastfed for more than 6 months are NOT entitled to give advice on breast feeding. While it is hurting to hear others critisize your milk flow, you must endure. I had from like 15ml to a current average of 200ml each time. do visit a lactation consultant to assess your milk flow and work with them. working with the professionals will see results and no one will datre to question you.

    5.If it is very warm like it's about 30 degrees C here in Singapore , it is ok to give 1-2 teaspoon of boiled cool water to your baby if you like to (advise from peditrician) but if you are on total breastfeeding you dun need to. and btw, babies are very smart! My mum tried to feed my daughter and she will spit out the water! haha...

    While we respect our elders, we are mothers and we have our own philosophies in nurturing our babies so the best way is to have no respond and to ignore the things we dislike. left ear in, right ear out. :graucho:
  12. i think it's more of an asian thing...

    right now i'm wearing a cloth which is designed like a corset and have to wear it for 44 days. and i also have to stay home for 44 days bt will go out for important stuff (like checkups and such)

    no cold drinks at all, keep warm at all times, dun hurt ur big toes. i'm trying very hard regarding the cold drinks but i'm always tempted to try.
  13. I have a very lovely lactation consultant who is also a RN that runs a group for new moms as well. Thank god my mom likes her. She always says ask you LC and will believe her! Yeah the whole milk thing is just something she cam gossip with her friends about as they all LOVE drama. I guess it's tough for her since I'm so disobedient but I was raised in the states and gave birth here so it's really hard for me to listen to all of this. I'm sure if I were raised in asia and grew up hearing about this then I would be more accepting.

    Oonik you have such will power! I can't believe you are going cold drink free.

    The other day another family member tried to shave DS hair!!!! Said it would grow back thicker. I almost had a heartattack.
  14. Nvie - we had a whole discussion about the SIDS USA vs Asia. I think SIDS is pretty rare here as well as there were about 2000 cases last year. All of these measures we take against SIDS seem to be precautionary and maybe a bit extreme. What I wonder is are they really keeping count of this in Asia? So much time and money is invested here on SIDS so it's always on our minds. Maybe it's not that big a deal in Asia as it's not played in the mainstream. Also the population of the states is also greater than like sgp, Taiwan, japan, hk, etc so there probably are less reported cases of SIDS. Just my 2 cents.

  15. Oh my goodness!! I heard that a lot as well! I would NEVER let anyone near my baby with scissors!! There are so many different wives tales out there it is ridiculous!!! I also agree that since I was raised in the states, I am less accepting of these things.

    As for the sleeping on our tummies. There was an interesting article that
    ilovepinkhearts posted. With all the research that is going on about SIDS, I can't believe any doctor would say that it is safe for a baby to sleep on their tummy. I would just not risk it.