Now ... This is official, right?

#46
Kou, I remember that you mentioned a while ago that you had a deal with your SO that when the time came ,the person who was on the lower salary would relocate unless the other one was desperately unhappy at his/her present job in which case that person would relocate. Is that correct? If that's the case, perhaps putting your energy into changing your job her in the US to a more fullfilling one should be the priority and then let him move here?
 
#47
Rose said:
Kou, I remember that you mentioned a while ago that you had a deal with your SO that when the time came ,the person who was on the lower salary would relocate unless the other one was desperately unhappy at his/her present job in which case that person would relocate. Is that correct? If that's the case, perhaps putting your energy into changing your job her in the US to a more fullfilling one should be the priority and then let him move here?
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I think the problem right now is that he absolutely refuses to move back to the U.S.. Granted, he isn't a U.S. citizen or a Permanent Resident, so the only way he can do it is if he marries me. However, he absolutely HATES the U.S.. I'm not even going to go into his views toward Americans ... Talking about it makes my blood boils.

I feel that if he does move back to the U.S. because of me, he will be very bitter. He and I are very alike in many ways. However, he is definitely more stubborn and when it comes to being bitter, he is worse than I am. I don't want to be stuck in a situation where he will always be bitter. After all, I don't want to leave my folks only to shut myself in another prison.

I am very annoyed by the fact that if he does have some kind of residency status in the U.S., he should be able to find a good job very easily. I would imagine that the skills of a graphics designer is more universal than the skills of a financial analyst at an industrial bank in the U.S.. I honestly CANNOT go to Singapore and earn less than what I'm making here.

Is there anyone here from SG who may be able to hook me up or look at my resume and give me some thoughts on my chances? Consulting is still my first choice, but financial analyst is plan B and while I want to have faith in the first option, it's always a wise idea to have a backup plan ...
 
#48
avandome said:
Kou, I still think you stay put, here with your puppy, and let him come here!
If he is there because he did not bother with a proper job hunt here, and earns less than you, it only makes sence that he moves not you!:s
Why should you go through a job hunt, followed by a salary cut, just because he does not feel like calling a couple of headhunters?:confused1:
I think that is unreasonable.:shrugs: Especially if it would upset your whole family!
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We can't seem to see eye-to-eye on this. He has this vast dislike toward America (and Americans). While I do feel that the U.S. is not perfect, NO COUNTRY in the world is perfect! I happen to like the U.S. quite a lot and I know I have a much better chance here. Yes, I will have a good chance in Asia if I have an advance degree or CFA credential, OR if I'm already an executive officer at a big company. However, I'm none of those right now.

It really does not help that my SO feels that because the standard of living is lower in Singapore, that somehow justifies a 50% salary cut. It's bloody ridiculous! Just because he can live comfortably on a low salary doesn't mean I can. Yes, I suppose I can if I give up Hermes, but the point is not about namebrands. The point is about giving up something I'm passionate about. It's not my fault if I like to collect things and some of them just happens to cost a lot. Besides, he shouldn't complain since I'm funding all my purchases anyway.

It appears that his entire family seem to think that money is no big deal. He seems to think that as long as he can "live comfortably", salary is no matter. He even thinks that we can raise a child with our combined salary. No offense, but I am NOT having any child of his without BOTH of us making 6-figure (in USD) first because I know that since we don't agree on our monetary usage as it is, not having an acceptable income (my idea of acceptable anyway) is only going to cause problems down the line.

I don't understand why he doesn't understand. I just wish he would leave me alone and let me do what I need to do instead of pressuring me and telling me that it's okay to make a low salary. Furthermore, if in the future I need to move back to the U.S., U.S. companies are not going to care if Singapore's standard of living is lower. They're just going to look at my salary history and that will affect how much I get paid in future job as well. Of course, when I bring up this point to him, his reaction was, "Why would you want to go back to the U.S. anyway?"

He thinks that I don't want to move out of the U.S. because I didn't like change. He felt that I was afraid of change because I had been in the U.S. for too long. That was not true. I simply refuse to make a mistake and regret it for the rest of my life and become bitter like my Mom. Btw, my SO told me that he may not stay in Singapore permanently. He seems to think that I will be able to find a job wherever we go, and that just pisses me off. I've talked to him so many times about this already and he just can't seem to get it through his thick skull.

Now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to get into any more confrontation with my family either ... I already know that if we're to get married, I will have to do sign the papers without my parents' knowledge and then tell them afterwards. Quite honestly, the most ideal situation is if I find a job that pays more than the current one AND is located on the East Coast or out of the country (so far, no luck) ... Then I can actually move FAR AWAY from EVERYBODY and have some nice alone time ...

Sometimes I think what I crave the most is FREEDOM, because I never had any in the first place ... It's not that I hadn't tried, I am making a huge effort but can't seem to go anywhere ... Of course, the way my culture is certainly does NOT help.
 
#49
passerby said:
Kou, now that you have mentioned your dog, my advice would be for you to stay put, and that if your SO is willing, he should be the one to look for a job in the US. This advice is based on the fact that I like cats, dogs, and human beings in that order :smile:

Also, I don't think it will be all that easy for you to get a job as a financial analyst in Singapore (I work in a bank, not that that makes me an expert on the job market here).
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My SO thinks that it was my fault that I decided to get a dog. He said if it wasn't for my dog, I wouldn't be tied down. Argh ... yeah, apparently everything is my fault. If it rains today it's my fault too. Geez, I sure wish I was that powerful and influential.

You worked at a bank in Singapore, right? Are they hiring? I get the impression that most recruiters pass on a resume when it's not local ... Also, is it true that in Singapore, it's considered a norm to attach your photo to the resume?
 
#50
Kou, the bank I work in is a local bank. We have quite a number of expats (mostly at the top level) in the organisation so it's not true that the recruiters will pass on a resume if it's not local. Yes, it's the norm to attach your photo to your job application form here.
 
#52
kou, maybe buy some time deciding what you want to do by submitting resumes in both countries...see what offers come your way, and then decide based what offers come your way...kinda leave it up to the universe to guide you!
 
#53
Hi again Kou

Without pretending to know how things really are with you, I think we can all feel an undercurrent of unhappiness in your posts. An engagement after all should be a joyous occasion; instead I read a sense of uncertainty and frustration from you. It's the sort of difficult situation that can grow into resentment, anger and bitterness later in life. I know, I have been there and I am still working through it in my own life.

Perhaps it all boils down to how much you really love each other. Is this person someone you can't imagine life without? You are after all, already in a long-distance relationship. Is he someone whom you would be willing to make such a huge sacrifice for? It seems to me that despite the constraints to advancement at your workplace, you do like where you are and what you do. Pulling up roots and starting over in a new place is terribly difficult and would strain even the strongest relationship. Because if you do make this sacrifice and give up what you have, you would need to do so wholeheartedly, and put it behind you, along with any thoughts of "I should have ... I shouldn't have ..." for things to work.

It's vital that he understands where you're coming from because so much of who we are, and how we see ourselves, is bound up in our work -- our success and happiness in our work place, in our stature in our chosen field, in our feeling that we are making a contribution to our profession. Is he willing to find a middle ground? A third country perhaps? Or a set time frame within which you will both have to consider other options?

I pray you will find the answers that will be right for YOU. In the meantime, I wonder if you have considered going to headhunters? Here are some executive search firms I dug up on the Internet. I am not certain if all this information is current. I'll try to look up more in the next few days. Oh, and don't believe everything you read or hear about how difficult it is to get a job here. Just cast your net as wide as you can, send complete papers and photographs, and don't be discouraged.

The very best of luck to you.

--------------

Amrop Hever Singapore
Bob Gattie
Gattie-Tan Soo Jin Consultants Pte Ltd
3 Shenton Way
#11-08 Shenton House
Singapore 068805
Tel: (65) 6225-3188
Fax: (65)6224-7585
Email [email protected]
Website Amrop Hever Services SPRL / BVBA

Egon Zehnder International Pte Ltd
Mr. Davy Lau
6 Battery Road #37-01
Singapore 049909
Tel (65) 6225-0355 Fax (65) 6225-0352
Email [email protected]
Website http://www.egonzehnder.com

Heidrick & Struggles
Ms. Kyung H. Yoon, Managing Partner
9 Temasek Boulevard
#32-02 Suntec Tower Two
Singapore 038989
Tel (65) 332-5001 Fax (65) 338-1260
Email
Website http://www.heidrick.com/

Search Focus Consultants (Executive Search)
The Penthouse
7 Temasek Boulevard
#44-01 Suntec Tower One
Singapore 038987
Tel: 65-6333-0969
Fax: 65-6430-6699
Email: [email protected]
Website http://www.cornerstone-group.com
Ms. Priscilla Tan, Managing Director

TMP Hudson Global Resources
Website http://hudson.com/sg/

Russell Reynolds Associates, Inc.
Singapore
Tel (65) 225-1811 Fax (65) 224-4058
Email
Website http://www.russellreynolds.com

Robertson Smart International Executive Search Singapore
80 Raffles Place
UOB Plaza 2#12-20
Singapore 048624
Singapore
Phone: +65 6535 9969
Fax: +65 6535 9949
E-mail: [email protected]
Robertson Smart International Executive Search

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, san-serif]Templar International Consultants Pte Ltd
[/FONT]1 Scotts Road
Shaw Centre
#26-02
Singapore 228208
Tel: (65) 6238 2060
Fax:sad:65) 6238 2061
[email protected]

And a website on finance jobs in Singapore:

Finance jobs by company in Singapore
 
#54
Oh and also, do let the companies/headhunters know if you might be visiting Singapore, say, sometime early next year and that you might be available for interviews. That's how I managed my job application process here some years ago, and the companies I was applying to immediately expressed interest since I was going to be here anyway. Just a thought. :idea:
 
#55
koukanamiya said:
Quite honestly, the most ideal situation is if I find a job that pays more than the current one AND is located on the East Coast or out of the country (so far, no luck) ... Then I can actually move FAR AWAY from EVERYBODY and have some nice alone time ...

Sometimes I think what I crave the most is FREEDOM, because I never had any in the first place ... It's not that I hadn't tried, I am making a huge effort but can't seem to go anywhere ... Of course, the way my culture is certainly does NOT help.
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There!!!!!
You have now said what I was thinking. You're young. Be free and have FUN!

You WILL get another job in the US. Just keep applying and approach a US headhunter.

Marriage is complex and needs a lot of commitment from both sides and you will be able to think more clearly about this situation with your SO if you are happy and settled in a job here. Some distance away from both your SO and your family may be just what you need right now to be able to judge what is best for you without anyone else influencing you in any way. It's YOUR life.:heart:
 
#56
Congratulations! I think Rose and Piquedome have given you very good advice. Before getting married it's vital that you and your fiance know that your goals in life are in sync. Money is the number 1 thing couples fight about, so like it or not, it needs to be discussed. If you have agreed how monetary issues are going to be handled ahead of time, (including things like who pays for household help - or who does the work, leaving the A/C on, having a dog, etc.) you will be much happier in your life together.

I think it's also important to know that you can live by yourself and take care of yourself - even if you do it for just a little while. Plus, experimenting with living away from your family but still in the same country - or at least somewhere with a similar culture - will be much easier on you than making ALL those changes at once!

You are very wise to be questioning things and asking for advice before making any decisions. Many people get caught up in all the romance and excitement of getting engaged, and forget to think about what life is actually going to be like when the dust settles. Good luck and much happiness to you, whatever you decide!
 
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