not invited to wedding, but invited to a party/reception- advice?

baby&melovelv

baby&melovelv

i.am.sweet.melissa
Aug 20, 2006
4,027
0
#1
hi all- i was not invited to attend a wedding, but i was invited to attend a shower for the wedding i wasn't invited to. i am now invited to an after party. i don't know what the etiquette (sp?) is for giving a gift... advice? thanks! also, if this is not the right spot, please move- thanks!
 
#2
This has also happened to me. I think some people do this because they cant necessarily afford to pay for alot of people at the after wedding meal or they just dont know you too well so they invite you to the after party.

I would give a gift card, nothing extravagant. :smile:
 
#3
i would give a gift as normal, maybe slightly less than you would otherwise. many wedding venues are limited in the number of people they can accomodate, so people are forced to get a little choosy with who they invite to the actual ceremony. i wouldn't take it personally at all unless you're super close with the couple.

besides...the reception is the fun part anyway!
 
#5
At a wedding shower, aren't you expected to bring gifts? Is the bride attempting to solicit gifts from people she doesn't want to pay to entertain at her actual wedding? In which case, I would simply decline without sending a gift. I would only send a congratulations card.
 
#6
^ yes- i brought a gift. and, truthfully, this is how i felt, esp. since we weren't invited to the wedding. actually, when i received the invite, i didn't know who it was from! i had to read it a few times to figure it out! and, this isn't a 'young' couple who may not know better. the couple is in their mid 30s.
 
#7
baby&melovelv said:
^ yes- i brought a gift. and, truthfully, this is how i felt, esp. since we weren't invited to the wedding. actually, when i received the invite, i didn't know who it was from! i had to read it a few times to figure it out! and, this isn't a 'young' couple who may not know better. the couple is in their mid 30s.
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Good God, I cannot get over the tackiness of this situation! Definitely not a couple to invite to your dinner parties. You were very gracious.
 
#8
Ugh. You would think that in all the preparation for the wedding, they might have come across a Wedding Etiquette book! Geez! Def very tacky.

I went to a wedding this past summer (in early May). The couple had only registered for very expensive items, and so my BF and I footed the bill for a $550 gift. We got to the country club where the wedding was to take place for pre drinks and discovered that they had "forgotten" to seat my BF, and that no, there were no more empty seats. We stayed for the ceremony and left afterwards. To this day, we've yet to receive a thank you card from the couple for the gift. :confused1:

baby&melovelv, I would have advised you to just respectfully decline, but since the couple is your DH's family, I would suggest sending a gift with a card, without attending.
 
#9
^^ thank you both. i was afraid i was being petty, but it wasn't sitting right with me- the whole not being invited to the wedding. thanks so much for the advice, too!!!

fatefullotus- i can not believe you weren't thanked, but i really can't believe that they didn't find a seat for your bf! oh my!
 
#11
I think IntlSet pretty much hit the nail on the head. I know you already went and brought a gift, which was gracious of you, but I would have just not gone. Etiquette has really gone out the window in this day and age. People's tackiness really amazes me.
 
#12
Typically a shower is only for close relatives and friends. If you are not one of these, usually you can just politely decline.

At our wedding, we invited only a select few to the ceremony, but we invited everyone to the reception and after party, but that was because we feel a ceremony is more of a private affair. It was only very close friends and family at the ceremony.
 
#13
IntlSet said:
At a wedding shower, aren't you expected to bring gifts? Is the bride attempting to solicit gifts from people she doesn't want to pay to entertain at her actual wedding? In which case, I would simply decline without sending a gift. I would only send a congratulations card.
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^ YES! :yes: ITA!!!

It is extremely rude to invite someone to the shower but not the wedding. HUGE faux pas. Decline without a gift. Or if you feel like you MUST send her something, buy the cheapest thing on the registry. If they don't feel you're worth the cost of dinner at the reception, then they aren't worth the cost of a gift. I would be so annoyed.
 
#14
claireZk said:
^ YES! :yes: ITA!!!

It is extremely rude to invite someone to the shower but not the wedding. HUGE faux pas. Decline without a gift. Or if you feel like you MUST send her something, buy the cheapest thing on the registry. If they don't feel you're worth the cost of dinner at the reception, then they aren't worth the cost of a gift. I would be so annoyed.
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I agree; that is TACKY. If it were me, I would not buy her anything at all, nor would I attend any of her events.
 
#15
make your own "bouquet" out of rolls of pennies at throw it at the bride!

j/k! :lol:

this is not unusual if they want to keep the wedding small and just celebrate after with all their friends and family. sometimes, where they are getting married can't accomodate everyone or they just want it to be small and intimate with immediate family only. the size/value of your gift should not be affected at all by this IMO. They still want you there for their special day. Get what you would normally have gotten them if you were going to the ceremony.
 
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