No longer interested...

B

bernz84

O.G.
Aug 31, 2006
6,469
1,486
#1
After all that has been going on in my life, I had to break it off with the BF. I didn't think it would've worked out anyway since I'm planning to go off to grad school. Oddly enough, I wasn't (and I'm not) devastated as much as he was. I feel really bad for feeling this way.

But I think what's been really bugging me is that I've never really felt like I needed anybody. I've always been really independent, and I never felt the need to find "the one"...and I don't think he exists for me. I feel like I'm cold-hearted.

I don't want to make this too personal (hence this post is short) but I was just wondering...is it normal to feel this way? I feel like society pressures women to eventually get married or their dubbed as "old maids."

:shrugs:
 
#2
oh man you are my clone!
I've always felt exactly like you do. I was living my Mary Tyler Moore dream lifestyle for years! Enjoy it! Thats who you are! I was totally prepared and quite content to be on my own for the rest of my life. It is written no where that you have to hook up with anyone. If that person shows up and you are smitten, so be it! If it weren't for my husband being that one guy that threw a wrench in the gears, I would still be single and loving it.
Don't let the world set the standard for you. Be confident in how you feel and get on with your life - theres too much to do!
 
#3
There is no "normal", you did the right thing for you. Someday you may feel differently or you may not, some people do not need to be married. Some cultures really pressure wome into marriage & family, it is a big deal to them. You need to do what you feel is right for you, society isn't always right.
 
#4
Oh, I am sorry for the break up. At least it sounds like you did a good thing! Don't let society pressure you! If you want to be single let it be. Things happen for a reason, so have fun now. I somewhat understand what you mean. I am 21 and I never had a boyfriend, because I never really found someone I am into you know. When people ask me, and I answered they look at me, as if I was from outer space or something. But you, the thing is, you need to be happy, and if you are not happy with yourself, then you will not be happy with anyone.
 
#5
You shouldn't feel weird or abnormal for being who you are. Society makes it seem like a woman's worth is(at least partially) based on whether or not she gets married, the kind of person she marries, etc. It's ridiculous. I know plenty of women who never got married and have lived happy, fulfilling lives. It doesn't make you cold-hearted at all. Don't worry about it and enjoy being indepent, single you! :smile:
 
#6
I just noticed the grammatical error on my post: "their" is supposed to be "they're". Ugh!

But anyway...whew! Thanks for the comments. I just felt like I was the odd one out. My college friends seemed desperate to want to be with someone. I had a friend who didn't feel it was right to not get married...and she tends to have a very idealistic view towards guys which can be a good and bad thing. Romantic movies have never seemed to faze me, and with those that do, I sometimes feel that the love portrayed on film is illogical.
 
#7
Everyone is different, some women need that constant companion.. but like bags said, whats meant to be will be..

if the right guy walks in your life, youll know and it and feel it. dont settle for anything less..

enjoy life you never know where it will take u
 
#9
There is nothing wrong for being happy with the way you are.....
My best friend was in a bad marriage for 11 years and with the guy for something like 18 years (including marriage). At the age of 38 she got divorced, was devastated and then totally found herself. She became this independent woman who does not take sh_t from anyone. She is quite the opposite of what she was like when I first met her. She is now in her early 60's has dated in the past but loves her life on her own. She does not want to answer to anyone and can do what ever she wants. She is happier now and at peace with her life than most woman I know. I still have friends who feel the need to find the perfect guy and it seems like they are waiting for this magic happiness to fall in their lives once they find him, instead of doing what can make them happy now.
You are going to graduate school and have a lot of living to do so don't feel pressured that you have to be in a relationship.
 
#10
ITA, everyone is different. Life will throw you plenty of curves.

I got married and divorced, pretty young and before and after that, always had some bf or another or a couple around.... but never felt the madly, truely, deeply stuff. I never could understand friends anguish over guys...was too independent.

I felt more horrible when I got divorced (caught him cheating) about not feeling bad and crushed than the actual divorce/ break up...so I know what you mean. I decided marriage was not for me and even turned down proposals from 2 'nice enough' guys...

Then I met my DH...he is my soul mate and I feel blessed to have met him....he still drives me crazy at times...but I love him. And he does complete me....it's weird because if I hadn't met him...I would never have felt something was missing, I was fine on my own until I met him...does that make sense at all???

Anyway, maybe you just haven't found the one yet...but that might be a good thing...I think it's easier to find the one, if you are not wondering if every guy is it.

Oops! Wanted to add, we only knew each other for 6 months before we got engaged. and were married only about a year after that...our 14th anniversay is in 24 days! So, sometimes you just know.
 
#12
Reading all these posts make me feel a lot better. Thank you! :smile: I've actually never had this guilt trip until I went to college. My mother wanted me to find someone nice because I only casually dated in high school, and some of my friends (both girls and guys) thought I was strange and feared that I would regret my decision later in life. So far, I don't have any real regrets without having anyone. :sweatdrop:
 
#14
It's perfectly normal to feel the way you feel. Don't feel pressured into doing something you don't want to or are not ready to, life is too short. If you meet the right person, things will fall into places. Sounds like you know what you want to do and you are a confident person, go enjoy the world and your life, and if someone else comes along with whom you want to share your life, that's great, if not, nothing wrong with it either.
 
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