Workplace New job supervising ex friend

K

krasavitza

O.G.
May 10, 2012
385
150
#1
Hi all,
I'm a little confused on what to do. I interviewed for and have been offered a great opportunity to work as a supervisor. Salary, schedule and benefits simply cannot be beat. Only problem is, one of my direct reports will be an ex friend. We were friends for many years and fell apart explosively due to a huge betrayal from her and from myself just feeling incredibly used and over-invested while she was doing nothing to keep our friendship going.

I interviewed knowing that she works there but really didn't know that she was a part of this department. I guess since the last time we spoke she's been promoted.

I have every intention of accepting this offer but am at a loss on how to handle this? Can't really have a talk with her while working but I want to basically clarify to her that of course at work everything is professional and she shouldn't ever feel like I'm singling her out or being unfair to her.

Any suggestions?
 
#2
krasavitza said:
Hi all,
I'm a little confused on what to do. I interviewed for and have been offered a great opportunity to work as a supervisor. Salary, schedule and benefits simply cannot be beat. Only problem is, one of my direct reports will be an ex friend. We were friends for many years and fell apart explosively due to a huge betrayal from her and from myself just feeling incredibly used and over-invested while she was doing nothing to keep our friendship going.

I interviewed knowing that she works there but really didn't know that she was a part of this department. I guess since the last time we spoke she's been promoted.

I have every intention of accepting this offer but am at a loss on how to handle this? Can't really have a talk with her while working but I want to basically clarify to her that of course at work everything is professional and she shouldn't ever feel like I'm singling her out or being unfair to her.

Any suggestions?
Click to expand...
That should do it in your initial evaluation/expectations session. Who knows? You might end up having a great work relationship.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ccbaggirl89
#3
krasavitza said:
...but I want to basically clarify to her that of course at work everything is professional and she shouldn't ever feel like I'm singling her out or being unfair to her.

Any suggestions?
Click to expand...

It might be a little uncomfortable, but I would address it right away, so things are clear. Believe me, she is probably nervous about this as well and may even be wondering if her job could be in jeopardy. Just pull her aside and repeat what you've said here. Let her know that any past personal issues have no bearing on your current professional relationship.
 
#4
i wouldn't address it unless i had to. you should introduce yourself to everyone at a meeting and lay out expectations and etc. state that they all will be treated fair, and so on. if you plan to be fair to everyone then there is no reason to go to her, imo. singling her out beforehand is weird. maybe your ex-friend could care less and won't be bothered, especially if time has passed and she's moved on. you can't think on her behalf or know that she'll care. at most, inform HR that you had a previous friendship if you think it could prove problematic. this occurs all the time where i work - former friends become supervisors. it's something most grown-ups can handle, and unless you anticipate problems just go about your new job and don't visit the past. that's what i'd do anyway.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MotoChiq, juneping, shiba and 2 others
#5
ccbaggirl89 said:
i wouldn't address it unless i had to. you should introduce yourself to everyone at a meeting and lay out expectations and etc. state that they all will be treated fair, and so on. if you plan to be fair to everyone then there is no reason to go to her, imo. singling her out beforehand is weird. maybe your ex-friend could care less and won't be bothered, especially if time has passed and she's moved on. you can't think on her behalf or know that she'll care. at most, inform HR that you had a previous friendship if you think it could prove problematic. this occurs all the time where i work - former friends become supervisors. it's something most grown-ups can handle, and unless you anticipate problems just go about your new job and don't visit the past. that's what i'd do anyway.
Click to expand...

Totally agree! Great advice!. To do otherwise may incite concerns, unnecessarily. As you stated, it's common for a former friend to be placed in a leadership role with the other friend within the reporting structure. If it's a small company, notifying HR may be appropriate , however in larger corporations not so much.

OP should either review company policy or ask HR if she needs to disclose the former relationship. However, at the very first indication of discord, including the expectation of special treatment, she should notify HR immediately, given the history.
 
  • Like
Reactions: juneping, shiba, Evia and 1 other person
#6
I would not have a "talk" with her - in fact I'd be very, very careful not to treat her any differently from anyone else. Although you may be nervous inside, be cool, calm and keep it all about the job at hand, avoiding any reference to your past relationship problem. If she brings it up just smile sweetly and say its all behind you and that you're sure you'll be able to work well together, then move the conversation onto something work related. She'll get the message ;) Good luck and congrats on the promotion!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Kathleen37, mundodabolsa, juneping and 3 others
#8
Thank you all for your replies! It makes a lot of sense and I think I simply won't say anything. I have to be really careful because the last thing I need is for her to go and tell my supervisor or anything early on in my job there that may prove to be questionable. She's a union employee with total job security whereas I'm not and I don't want to do anything that may jeopardize my integrity.

appreciate it so much xx
 
  • Like
Reactions: ccbaggirl89
#9
krasavitza said:
Thank you all for your replies! It makes a lot of sense and I think I simply won't say anything. I have to be really careful because the last thing I need is for her to go and tell my supervisor or anything early on in my job there that may prove to be questionable. She's a union employee with total job security whereas I'm not and I don't want to do anything that may jeopardize my integrity.

appreciate it so much xx
Click to expand...

@krasavitza - I understand your concern in regards to the employee being unionized, as "situations" are handled a little differently with employees covered by a union. She certainly has the union's support and protection, however "job security" is not inherent and she is subject to disciplinary action, up to and including termination. You may want to casually mention your previous relationship with the young lady to your supervisor. This will provide an opportunity for you supervisor to advise you of a course of action and deter accusations of your "trying to hide something". It doesn't matter what "precautions" you take (disclosure, conversation, etc.), if the ex-associate is set on "making it difficult" for you - she will. The best remediation, other than apply policy fairly and equally, is to document as much and as frequently as possible. And it's extremely important you have a similar amount of documentation for ALL subordinates not just your ex-associate. If she files a grievance with the union, questions concerning the documentation will be raised.

Good luck and congratulations on the promotion!
 
#10
I wouldn't say anything. Show her how you plan to treat her and deal with the situation through your actions. If she says something later or it somehow becomes an issue later, you will have a history of professional behavior and attitudes to back yourself up.

Don't create waves before there need to be any. Don't give a reason for your behavior or actions to be scrutinized or pre-judged by supervisors before you've established yourself. Once people have formed their own opinion of you and your work ethic, they will be less likely to believe or worry about any problems your former friend may create.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ccbaggirl89
#11
So its been really weird. She told me she thinks its best if we're honest with my colleagues and supervisor and say we know each other from a previous job (which is how we became friends). I told my colleague, but when she asked her she denied it, making me look like a liar (?????)

When no one is around, she talks nicely to me, friendly like everything's fine.... but apparently she's been telling the staff to be careful and not to trust me. I just don't know what to do with this?
 
#12
How can she on one hand say she doesn't know you and on the other warn the staff about you?

I would just ignore it as best you can and have as little communication with her as necessary to do your job. Try and not be left alone with her. If it becomes a workplace issue then handle it as one. You are her manager. Handle it as you would any other employee.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Meggowaffle
#13
A1aGypsy said:
How can she on one hand say she doesn't know you and on the other warn the staff about you?

I would just ignore it as best you can and have as little communication with her as necessary to do your job. Try and not be left alone with her. If it becomes a workplace issue then handle it as one. You are her manager. Handle it as you would any other employee.
Click to expand...
She's been telling people that she gets a 'bad vibe' off me and that people should be careful. And ok, you're right. It's hard separating emotion sometimes but I know I have to do it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ccbaggirl89
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
Back