New Cat vs Old Cat vs Us

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  1. We recently got a another cat a month ago to live with our 2.5 year old cat after our vet suggested that more play time will be beneficial for our cat. Baozi our new kitty is a 5-month unneutered male (we'll neuter him at 6 months per vet suggestion).

    Kumquat our (neutered) 2.5 yr old cat is not the friendliest of cats, he's pretty much very independent and cuddles on his own terms. However, he'll sleep with us on our bed every night. When I go to the bathroom, he'll come with me etc. He'll greet me at the door when I come home.

    Now ever since Baozi's arrival (end of August), Kumquat has been giving me + hubby the coldest shoulder. He won't sleep with us anymore, he won't follow me anywhere, and sometimes when we pet him and try to cuddle him, he'll just make mumbling+whiny noises (but not growl).

    He and Bao's relationship has been OK, in their first week together after being split up in different rooms was surprisingly good. They'll play etc. But soon enough, all that rough play led to Kumquat pulling a leg muscle (limping and all). So we took him to the vet, had all the tests done and he's much better now. However, after this vet visit, he doesn't play anymore. He'll ignore Bao and Bao is the sweetest little thing, he'll follow Kumquat around as if saying, "Why don't you want to play with me anymore???"

    I *think* Kummi is still recuperating, he's still not his 100% agile self. Doc says pulled muscles in cats can take over 2 weeks to fully heal. However, we're devastated that he's not loving anymore. It doesn't help that Bao is super loving and wants to be with us all the time.

    Tonight when we're in bed, Bao would jump into bed and cuddle us. Soon enough, I saw Kumquat staring at us from outside the bedroom (the door was ajar). I try to not give Bao too much attention, and give more to Kumquat but it's not working. I wish we could all cuddle and get along. I truly miss Kumquat.

    Do you guys think it'll get better? Any tips?
  2. oh...i am so does feel like "hot face stick to a cold butt" - it's chinese :P
    i don't know. but bf used to have multiple cats in his household..he said usually cats will sort it out on their own. and they will decide who's the alpha cat among themselves. sounds like the older cat is bit jealous...?
    i don't know...may be keep trying being warm to the older cat....GL!!
  3. I bet once Bao is neutered their relationship will change for the better.
  4. Soon enough, I saw Kumquat staring at us from outside the bedroom (the door was ajar).

    I also have to say I laughed at this and wonder how right we are when we do stuff like this (attribute emotions where they might not exist). I do the same thing, and half the time, I bet the cat is in some train of thought we can't even imagine.
  5. can you please explain? why this matter?? so curious...:nuts:
  6. Un-neutered males "mark" and leave a scent. They are territorial and more aggressive and it is very possible that Kummi feels threatened. That is my very un-scientific-like experience. In a multi-cat situation, I would never mix neutered with un-neutered. Sounds like OP just has a month to go to see if that makes any difference.
  7. that actually makes a lot of sense. thanks!!
  8. I agree with this. I just adopted a new kitty (he was my foster and I couldn't give him up) and before he was neutered my alpha male (neutered) would swat and hiss at him. Now they sleep cuddled up together. As long as the new kitty is big enough you shouldn't have any problem getting him neutered before 6 months. Some vets are now doing them at 8 weeks. I think that is a bit young but 5 months is probably close enough. Other than getting new kitty neutered you can try spending more time with old kitty and making sure he knows he is not being replaced. Good luck and conrats on your new baby!

  9. I agree with the neutering, but even after that's done I think there still WILL be some issues that they both will need to work out with the alpha position.

    I have 2 boys now, no girl, and after her gap of alpha left the boys have still rallied for alpha (it's kinda split right now). Some times it's a specific hierarchy that they've decided based on the room/moment, other times it's fight time for love that we are always more than willing to give out to them when they want it :smile:

    Granted, the boys knew each other for the last 7 years but all 3 cats had to fight for the attention of 2 adults so it can get a bit crowded on the lap in those conditions :smile:

    I think it will work out OP, I would try to carve out specific times when you can love on (whether wanted or not) the injured one but if there are times that your injured cat would normally get "preference" because they were healthy try to still engage them or help them into that position (if it's a spot on the bed, bring them up and put them there...).
  10. #10 Sep 29, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2010
    Thanks for your advice ladies. I spoke to our vet and he suggested neutering at 9 months! He said that our Bao (based on his breed and anatomy) he's developmentally very young. However, I was a bit hesitant at that so I made up my mind that 6 is probably the key.

    We've been lucky so far that Kumquat has never swatted at Bao or tried to hurt him. Just plain ol' grumbling and the occasional hiss.

    However, what's strange is that BEFORE he pulled a muscle, he was all playful with Bao and once in a blue moon, he would give Bao a lick on his head!!! Now after his limpy leg incident, he ignores Bao entirely. I hope he's just holding himself back from playing and not like thinking "because you're here, I hurt myself!"

    I can tell that Bao really likes Kumquat, when Kummi's sleeping on his favorite pillow, Bao would slowly walk up to him and try to sit as close to him as possible. Kummi would just get SUPER ANNOYED and walk away.

    Also, when I put Kumquat on his favorite area of our bed (where he USE TO alway sleeps), Bao would stand on his two hind legs from the ground with two front paws clutching the edge of the bed and stare at Kumquat. This bugs the hell out of him and he'll leave the bedroom after that. I tried to let Bao sleep outside the bedroom and Kumquat inside so he's not stressed out, but Bao would just meow and meow and that gets Kumquat all anxious.

    Kummi seems to be so annoyed easily these days. Before he was a little happier.

  11. Haha. I know! Sometimes I think Kumquat has too much human characteristics as we adopted him when he was about a month old!

    Yesterday in an effort to bond with him, I HAND fed him his kibbles - he really enjoys it. However as I was doing it, 1 kibble dropped from his mouth (I guess I didn't put it in his mouth right) and funny enough, he started grumbling! It was like "woman! pay attention will ya?"

    Hubby says I spoil spoil SPOIL Kumquat and now he's just acting out with Bao here + the healing leg. Which is true - Kumquat is pretty much King in our house, we would have to MOVE around to accommodate his big butt on our bed. And this little f*cker LOVES to sleep horizontally and take up all the space

    Love him though!
  12. #12 Sep 29, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2010
    Here's some proof ladies. I finally got Kummi to sleep on the edge of our bed - this favorite spot. An hour later Bao woke up from his nap, came on the bed, and did THIS to Kumquat.

    Kumquat endured it for a 5 minutes, licking, play biting, licking and cleaning Bao's ears. Bao just laid there obediently and licked Kumquat's front paw. Soon enough, after the love was gone, Kumquat got the hell off my bed.

    Looks like a little improvement? I hope so. :smile:


    Giving Bao some love, Kumquat licks his little brother. It's really more like lick lick lick, play bite, lick lick lick, bite.


    After 5 minutes...patience is wearing thin. See his expression?

  13. that's cute.
    Bao is quite big compare to Kumquat? or just the angle of the pix??
  14. Angle. :smile:

    Bao is 3 kilos where Kumquat is closer to 6. Bao has a big head based on his breed (Kummi has a small head) but a skinny and narrow body.
  15. Based on the pics (Bao's head looks melded into Kummi's chest), I think your little family will be fine. Looks like normal growing pains and they will get it worked out. :smile: