Need Relationship Help!

E

Emily83

Cupid's Chokehold
Jul 30, 2006
310
0
#1
Hi All-

Okay, I need serious help here. My boyfriend of 4 over years and I have broken up because he wants me to do some serious thinking on what I want out of life. To make a long story short, we are having some difficulties in figuring out if we want the same things in life (where we want to live and such). Let me stress here that we are NOT on bad terms and we still talk. Our break up/separation was handled very maturely, there was no sort of fighting/screaming/name calling, etc...this happened over a month ago. We have both agreed we need to be apart for quite awhile to really think about things. I love him very much and miss him immensely, but I am trying to be strong and objective, because as he has said, he doesn't want me to make any rash decisions and then feel resentment towards him later on.

So here is my problem. His 25th birthday is in about a week and a half. I am very confused about whether or not I should do anything or buy him anything. He has been extremely generous to me and has always given me everything (several months ago for my birthday he got me ALCS Tigers tickets, plus an LV bag, plus some other small things). Before we broke up, he showed me this $800 Raymond Weil watch that he really liked and I am debating whether getting this would be a nice thing to do for him, because I really do love him and think he deserves it, or whether it is completely innapropriate. I am not rich by any means, but I could afford it if I really decided I wanted to do it and thought it was a good idea.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.
 
#3
I certainly hope you are able to work out yor problems if that is what you want. I think buying the gift is fine but you can't really be resentful or hold it against him if the relationship doesn't last. Maybe think about some other things that you could get him too that would be appreciated. Good luck!

Anne
 
#4
Your mutual decision to decide what you two want out of life as seperate people before assessing if those wants match sounds incredibly mature and very valuable to your long term happiness.

If you want to get him someting that he would love without trying to buy back the relationship, by all means go for it.

Think first how he might view this though. Will he think it's an attempt to reconcile, obfuscate the issues, or just accept it for a simpy (yet expensive) gift?
 
#5
Under the circumstances, I would suggest a thoughtful but more modest gift, a nice bottle of wine, or a very handsome volume of his favorite poetry, a personalized pimp cup, an item autographed by a famous ball thrower, depending on his likes and dislikes.

The gift should indicate a recognition of his tastes and interests, but not be too lavish.
 
#6
hmwe46 said:
Your mutual decision to decide what you two want out of life as seperate people before assessing if those wants match sounds incredibly mature and very valuable to your long term happiness.

You two sound like a great couple. So nice to see maturity & not game playing!

Why don't you take him out to dinner * if you get back together the next bday you could get him the watch.
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#8
Do not buy the watch. You can always get it for him for another occasion later on. Wait to see how things develop over the next few weeks/months etc. IMO it will look like you are trying too hard.
 
#9
I also vote for something other than the watch-watches used to be, and to some extent still are, considered special presents for special occasions, and are usually given by parents, grandparents, brides, retirement committees...if you have both taken a step back, give him something you know he will like, that shows him you are giving him something he likes because you like him-I think the watch would open a can of worms-as in, "I thought you guys broke up, why did she give you a watch??" Down the road if the occassion warrants, there will be an occasion for which the watch is perfect.
 
#10
lulilu said:
Do not buy the watch. You can always get it for him for another occasion later on. Wait to see how things develop over the next few weeks/months etc. IMO it will look like you are trying too hard.
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^I agree....Call him and invite him out to dinner...A small thoughtful gift would be perfect....Good luck...Remember what is meant to be will be...And everything will work out for the best...hang in there sweetie!! :heart: Emmy
 
#11
I don't think you should get the watch. He might think that you're wanting him back or that you can't let go. Its too extragent of a gift for a friend and for now you two are friends. Just take a step back. Good luck!
 
#14
Thank you so much for the advice, ladies! I will think of something on a smaller scale, so that way if things don't work out, I won't be mad at myself later on for spending so much money. He really likes cuff links, would that be OK? He has tons of hobbies, but they are all typical guy stuff, and I don't really want to get him, umm, a fishing pole or a pool stick, ya know? And thank you all for the kind words, it is appreciated. :yes:
 
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