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Need help- roommate/moving out issue!

Jan 28, 2007
Hello, I really feel terrible and don't know what to do. I am a first-year teacher and I still live at home right now. I have school loans to pay off still. Recently, a friend of mine asked me if I was interested in getting an apartment, so I said that I was interested, but not 100% sure because I may be looking for a new school next year and want to be able to afford it.

Yesterday, she asked me if I wanted to start looking in a couple weeks. Now, the more I think about it, I really do not want to move out at all right now. Several reasons: I want to really save money at this time in my life; I want to pay off my school and car loans; I feel like it will be a lot of money that I don't want to spend on furniture, kitchenware, etc, plus food, utilities, and rent. I just don't want to do it.

But she's getting excited about moving out, and now I feel very irresponsible for leading her on that I am excited to move out and will be, but now I don't want to anymore. I feel bad about letting her down. What should I do?


Aug 29, 2006
You should really just let her know your situation so she can find another roommate. I'm sure she'll understand once you explain everything to her. Hope it all works out well.
Jan 28, 2007
Yeah, I just hate to have to tell her. I just feel so bad and I hate to let someone down, because it's not the type of person I am. But I really need to do what's best for me right now.


Feb 17, 2006
Well, you did tell your friend that you weren't 100% sure so IMHO you are not letting her down.


A taste for the arts
Oct 7, 2006
San Francisco
Definitely tell her that you just can't afford it right now. She'll understand if you tell her what you told us. You want to get yourself in the best position financially and the best way for you to do it would be to stay living at home now. Maybe you can tell her in a year or so you might be ready?


Feb 2, 2007
Soggy UK
We are all guilty of jumping into something first without thinking it through.

Fortunately, you have realised in time that it isn't what you want.

Having spent most of my life, considering everything, everyone before myself, I say to my own kids and friends. You do what you want to do, for you, not for anyone else.

I fully understand your logic, and you are doing the right thing. You will know when the time is right to make the move, but clearly, you recognise now is not that time.

I wish you all the best with what you decide to do and with your career.

Good Luck.


Feb 14, 2007
New Orleans, LA
Just tell her you thought about it and can't afford it. I lived with my parents for YEARS after college because I was back in school and wasn't making enough to live comfortably on my own. I could have had a roommate I guess but I just prefered to pay no rent and live with my parents where I was happy and comfortable.


Sofa King Blonde!
Feb 4, 2007
Be honest - tell her you've sat down reviewed your finances come up with a financial plan and right now you cannot afford to rent an apartment with her.


May 6, 2007
Can I ask how old you are? I don't think you should do this if you don't want to, but I do think it's pretty important not to live with your parents after a certain age. Even if you have to scrimp on some stuff, I think it's a very important growing experience. Plus if they are letting you live with them maybe they would help you out some!


Dec 11, 2006
well, I made your mistake - I moved in with someone without really wanting to (a friend), because at some point we made that plan. it wasn't about expenses but rather about realising that it wouldn't be a good situation.

as for the experience of moving out: I left at 19, and frankly I believe it would have been better if I had stayed longer. i have moved back since just before giving birth and lived here for a year now due to my studies, and it has been the best time ever. sort of making up for wanting to do it all too soon. enjoy your time, and concentrate on what is important right now.

tell your friend asap - you said you still wanted to see about it. just tell her you can't afford it right now. she may be upset but even more so if you move out at some point bec you can't do it.