I ran into Short Hills last night to pick up some things when I saw it coming at me.
What was “it,” you ask? (Read best with Jaws theme music playing in background.)
It was a "woman" carrying the dreaded squirrel Ramona (or a/k/a Ramona lined in shearing). I wanted to grab the bag and set the squirrel free. Run squirrely run!
The "woman," let’s call her TPH (trailer park ho) had on slouchy grey swet pants (which I later found out read JUICY across her bum) and a see through white v-neck with a pink bra. Tacky + dead squirrel bag= just wrong. That in short Hills= call the cops.
TPH starts heading towards me with the squirrel bag. I start looking for somewhere to hide because I know I wont be able to keep a straight face next to squirrely but she is coming towards me and motioning to my croc riki that I had on. I turn to my friend for help but he is already laughing and running away.
TPH tells me she loves my bag and then shoves squirrely in my face and tells me it is to die for. Now I am thinking well yes, a squirrel would have had to died to line something so ugly but I just nod my head. She then goes on about the lining and I am cringing inside and just reply, that’s great.
Now you would think that would end our little story, but alas I have no luck but bad luck and TPH wouldn’t let it drop. She then tells me I have to feel the inside. I try to pull away and leave and she grabs my left hand and shoves it into her bag. WTF? So now I am petting a dead squirrel in a bag. Yuck. I go to remove my hand and guess what gets caught on squirrely’s nappy hide? Yes, you guessed it—my new engagement ring. TPH is exclaiming not to hurt her bag and I am like WTF you crazy idiot, there is a diamond ring caught in there. My friend comes over with tears in his eyes from laughing too hard and tries to help hold off TPH while I get my ring out of nappy squirrel. I finally get the ring out (but not without yanking a little) and TPH is screaming that I ruined her bag. It was like two freaking threads gone and frankly, she shouldn’t have forced my hand in there-- plus it is so ugly, who is going to notice.
She demands I buy her a new one and I am like I must be getting punked because this can’t be for real. My friend mentions he saw a dead squirrel on the highway coming in and offers to go get it to glue on her bag and she goes off and hits him with it. My friend is a mini version of Christian from Project Runway so you can imagine the cat fight. Security is called and I just want to crawl in a corner. Luckily the SAs all knew me so TPH got in trouble and we were let go.
The squirrel that lined the Ramona must have been rabid because TPH was one crazy loon.
What was “it,” you ask? (Read best with Jaws theme music playing in background.)
It was a "woman" carrying the dreaded squirrel Ramona (or a/k/a Ramona lined in shearing). I wanted to grab the bag and set the squirrel free. Run squirrely run!
The "woman," let’s call her TPH (trailer park ho) had on slouchy grey swet pants (which I later found out read JUICY across her bum) and a see through white v-neck with a pink bra. Tacky + dead squirrel bag= just wrong. That in short Hills= call the cops.
TPH starts heading towards me with the squirrel bag. I start looking for somewhere to hide because I know I wont be able to keep a straight face next to squirrely but she is coming towards me and motioning to my croc riki that I had on. I turn to my friend for help but he is already laughing and running away.
TPH tells me she loves my bag and then shoves squirrely in my face and tells me it is to die for. Now I am thinking well yes, a squirrel would have had to died to line something so ugly but I just nod my head. She then goes on about the lining and I am cringing inside and just reply, that’s great.
Now you would think that would end our little story, but alas I have no luck but bad luck and TPH wouldn’t let it drop. She then tells me I have to feel the inside. I try to pull away and leave and she grabs my left hand and shoves it into her bag. WTF? So now I am petting a dead squirrel in a bag. Yuck. I go to remove my hand and guess what gets caught on squirrely’s nappy hide? Yes, you guessed it—my new engagement ring. TPH is exclaiming not to hurt her bag and I am like WTF you crazy idiot, there is a diamond ring caught in there. My friend comes over with tears in his eyes from laughing too hard and tries to help hold off TPH while I get my ring out of nappy squirrel. I finally get the ring out (but not without yanking a little) and TPH is screaming that I ruined her bag. It was like two freaking threads gone and frankly, she shouldn’t have forced my hand in there-- plus it is so ugly, who is going to notice.
She demands I buy her a new one and I am like I must be getting punked because this can’t be for real. My friend mentions he saw a dead squirrel on the highway coming in and offers to go get it to glue on her bag and she goes off and hits him with it. My friend is a mini version of Christian from Project Runway so you can imagine the cat fight. Security is called and I just want to crawl in a corner. Luckily the SAs all knew me so TPH got in trouble and we were let go.
The squirrel that lined the Ramona must have been rabid because TPH was one crazy loon.
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Just took another look at the bag in this thread: 
What a wierdo!Someone actually bought that fugly bag!
