*my Mother In Law Did Something Horrible To Me*

#61
socalgrl86 said:
^^Thanxs!! I will definently be taking him tomorrow to get a trim so it will grow back out and i no longer have to see my MIL horrific hair cut. I wish I could cut her hair but it's already really ugly and looks like a q-tip so I'm afraid that if I did cut her hair while she slept, it would probably make her look good!
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LOL...:boxing:
 
#62
ShimmaPuff said:
...I think what I would do is not say anything else about it, but very quietly limit visits to supervised and short periods of time on major holidays for a few years at least.
....I think that in addition to protecting your son from his grandmother's scissors, and possibly some religious teachings that may be at variance with those you might choose to share with him at a young age, you also want to protect him from family drama, and bad vibes, and this just sounds like the kind of thing that is a recipe for a LOT of arguments, and emotional scenes, which could be worse for your baby than the haircut!
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I totally agree with Shimma's entire post. I just quoted the sections above to underline them.

That woman is nasty, crazy stuff. I would protect my children from her. Like Shimma said, I would only subject them to her a few brief times a year.

I was so angry for you when I read your post!

Your boy looks adorable both ways, btw.
 
#63
merika said:
It depends on what kind of culture your mother-in-law comes from. If she comes from a place where whatever the elders in the family decided was good for the younger members (sons, daugters, their spouses) then her behaviour is probably according to those norms. This sort of issue is very common in the families of first-generation immigrants from Southern or East Asian countries.

For example, if such a situation happened to me when I was in my home country, then the societal reply (if I had posted something like the OP) would be "She's had more children than you, she's older than you and probably knows what's better for the kids. She's an elder person, and your mother-in-law and you have to respect her wishes". And if I then said I was not going to let my kids see her, people from my society would call e a bad daughter-in-law who kept the kids away from their grandparents.

The above is NOT what I think, but what would have happened if such a situation occured in my home country.

The reponse that I see in this thread to the OP is wholly western in thought and ideology.

So it is therefore my thought that you should think about where your mother-in-law comes from, and what made her think of doing this - it may not have been a power thing wih you, it might have been just her way of declaring herself the Martriarch of the family.
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Merika, you raise some interesting points and I completely understand what you're saying about Eastern culture and in laws. However, I'm not sure the response to the OP is completely western in ideology. I'm sure women in Eastern cultures who have to deal with overbearing MILs don't like it, but put up with it. Some might like to retaliate against their in laws, but wouldn't dare because of the backlash and frankly it's just not normal in South Asian society to retaliate. Even though the culture of listening and respecting elders is wonderful, not everything they say and do is correct.

Also, I've noticed in all cultures it's generally the DH's family who are more problematic than the wife's. The wife's parents usually respects their daughter's wishes and will take a backseat, but her MIL has such a hard time of respecting the daughter in law's wishes.
 
#64
I can understand that your upset. But I would only have been that angry and out and out upset if you were groiwing his hair for religious reasons.

G-d willing when I have children. I plan on not cutting my boys hair until they are three years old. WHich is a practice that many religious jews hold.
 
#65
mh21 said:
Also, I've noticed in all cultures it's generally the DH's family who are more problematic than the wife's. The wife's parents usually respects their daughter's wishes and will take a backseat, but her MIL has such a hard time of respecting the daughter in law's wishes.
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This is so true! I read this poem a long time ago - I can't remember where but it stuck in my mind over the years.

"If my son in law brings breakfast in bed
to my daughter
she deserves it
And he's a doll.

If my son brings breakfast in bed
to his wife
She's a lazy good for nothing
And he spoils her"
 
#66
she will continue to do what she wants- she will never listen to you. i, personally, would never let them have unsupervised visits again. ever. and your baby is adorable regardless of hairstyle- and my baby also has a led zepplin t shirt. so sorry your mil is a devil.
 
#67
your MIL sounds like a fundie b!tch. i feel for you.
i hope you get a lot of satisfaction out of practically cutting her out of your kids' lives. maybe she'll learn her lesson.
 
#68
mh21 said:
Also, I've noticed in all cultures it's generally the DH's family who are more problematic than the wife's. The wife's parents usually respects their daughter's wishes and will take a backseat, but her MIL has such a hard time of respecting the daughter in law's wishes.
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ITA. Not because im a daughter and i think my side is much better behaved but it's true in my case. My parents wont even go near that woman because she has so much baggage and dares to put me down for everything. I guess i'm still a daddy's girl.:smile:
 
#69
I am so sorry you have to put up with her crap. She KNEW it would upset you and she did it anyways- she KNEW exactly what she was doing. I would have wanted to punch her in the face (I would want to but I would not do it!)
I totally understand where you are coming from. In my culture (Native AMerican) we grow our hair long. SO I growed my little boys (age 5) hair pretty long and sadly my husbands side of the family made fun of him. My husband is Philipino. They could not understand WHY I was growing his hair!
Long story short, my sweet little boy took it upon himself and cut his own hair! SO now we have to start ALL over. I am going to kick anybody's ass that makes fun of his hair!!!!
monica
don't let that woman around your kids ALONE!!
 
#70
socalgrl86 said:
^^Thanxs!! I will definently be taking him tomorrow to get a trim so it will grow back out and i no longer have to see my MIL horrific hair cut. I wish I could cut her hair but it's already really ugly and looks like a q-tip so I'm afraid that if I did cut her hair while she slept, it would probably make her look good!
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:roflmfao: :roflmfao: Just stay away from this saddo & keep your son well away from her!
 
#71
OK, your baby is still very adorable but the bottom line is she overstepped her boundaries and disrespected you. I really hope your DH actually chewed her out and isn't just secretly appeasing her while you're not around.

My advice: the next time you go over there, get some gel and form your son's hair into a mowhawk!! And tell her his new hair cut made his new hair style possible. She will BOIL with anger!! And also never bring this up again, let her stew while you go on with your life!
 
#73
I would cut her off for a very long time. She did it on purpose to f*** with you. I would not say anything, just don't engage with her. Dead silence. And no contact with the children.
 
#74
Your MIL is very disrespectful. When your anger cools, it would be a good idea for you to speak with her about your boundaries and need for her respect. Hopefully your DH will join you in this discussion. She absolutely overstepped her place, and you have every right to be mad, as well as to set stronger boundaries with her going forward (like perhaps, not allowing her to be alone with your son).
 
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