My husband got mad at me----------UGH

G

gillianna

O.G.
Dec 27, 2005
8,288
2,182
#1
Last Saturday my sister called me early in the morning and asked if I wanted to go shopping with her. We hardly see each other and have so much fun when we get together so I said yes. She picked me up around 10:30 AM. So I tell my husband I am going out with my sis and he has to watch the kids. He totally flipped out. He got very angry with me and said I did not notify him I was going and I must have had this planned:wtf: ....
It is not like he was doing anything. They are his kids too and very good kids. He took them out for lunch at a place that has a game room and then they rode bikes and he did work in the front yard. He then took them shopping. Sis and I had a wonderful time, we hit so many stores (my feet hurt). We went to her favorite place and had a wonderful lunch. We shopped and I got home at 6:30. He gave me major attitude and then the next day was still at it. I just don't get it. :cursing: It seems like he has this need to control me and tell me what I can and can't do---like I should stay home all the time. We work from home together so I feel that I deserve to go out when I want. It is really frustrating because he seems to get so angry when I go out with my sis or when I go out with my SIL for the evening and we get our hair done. I don't know what his problem is.
 
#3
I think you should definitely discuss this issue with him. Does he ask you ahead of time if he has plans, and ask if you can watch the kids? You are both parents, and being a man does not mean that he shouldn't participate in their care. Women shouldn't have to ask their husbands to "babysit."
 
#4
SO gets annoyed when i spring things like that on him. I try to give him at least a few days advance warning. He (in his head) alots time for his own work - research, library, programming and stuff. I work more 'on the fly' so to speak and do whatever project I feel like doing day by day. So if I make an impulse decision to do something it frequently anoys him as it eats into time he has planned.

He does give me a breakdown of what he would like to do at least a week in advance, and never on the same day so I try to reciprocate. It is important as there are school pickups and one of us has to stay home if the other goes to school.
 
#5
Talk it out with him...its best to deal with it right away or the frustration will just fester.

My husband used to behave like that when I rarely took some "ME" time..but I reminded him..they weren't just my kids but OUR kids..and he needed to remember that. Eventually..he got it.
 
#6
My husband doesn't mind when I spend time with my family or friends---including his family. He also doesn't mind at all spending quality time alone with our boys. In fact, sometimes I think he is happy when I just leave them on their own....LOL. They just have a ball without me saying 'don't do this, don't do that, hon--don't be so rough with them....or don't let them eat this or that....lol.
When I'm gone they go to McDonalds (I don't take them there...lol) and they will rough house playing soccer outdoors or other games and tear the house up...lol.

Since I work from my home office and have been for the last 4.5 years I need to get out sometimes and my husband encourages it. We both are at stages in our careers where we are both flexible with our schedules. My husband has some days when he is extremely--through the roof--busy--that's usually 3 days per week. On those days I don't plan anything. The rest of the week he's very flexible and will take care of the boys while I get out.

I usually let him know ahead of time...just out of respect. I don't always. Sometimes a friendgirl may drop by on Saturday and just want to get out to shop or lunch. It's never been a problem. Whem my sister visits (she's out of state) that is more planned because we know she is coming at a certain time and I make plans for us before she ever gets here. So he's aware and doesn't mind.

You need to have a talk with your husband......you are not a child. He can not control you and he should be happy when you get out. Everyone needs a break and married couples need breaks from one another too:yes:. I think it keeps the marriage healthy.
 
#7
Ummm...like someone else said, you shouldn't have to ask your husband to babysit, they are his kids also, and he is just as responsible for them as you are. Did you notify him that it is no longer 1952??? If he wasn't doing anything, then there should have been no problem! And even if he did have plans, does he ever stop to think that maybe before he goes and makes all these plans, that he should see if YOU would like some alone time? It sounds like he does what he wants and has plans more often than you do.

Sorry for the rant, this sort of stuff really gets to me...lol

(((hugs))) he is not your dad!!! You don't need to ask him for permission!
 
#9
urgh so sorry to hear that but you need to tell him exactly that and ask him what his is so unhappy about and why the attitude??

you don't have to ask permission to go out.... i think u need to set the record straight with him so he doesn't feel like he can give u attitude all the time and that he reassesses the situation....
 
#11
Is your husband a 'planning' type of person? Like he needs to have some sort of plan in his head and he doesn't like last minute changes? I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and ask if he had some plan for all of you that day? I am not so sure this is a controlling issue, but rather a communication issue?
 
#13
It's a bit immature of him to accuse you, and then go on and on like that... but it happens.

I'd be hurt if my dh didn't see my going out as a time that is well-earned for being a working wife and mom to boot. My husband is always telling me to call my GFs to go out but I would rather go to a spa if we could afford it (just to get my psychic energy back).

Does he expect the same kind of attitude the next time he's invited to a sports game or bar? He has to understand in marriage and family, there are some days where he just has to go with the flow. Instead of telling you off like that, he should tell you if he had errands to run that day or some specific issue will be hindered by having to oversee the children.

Seriously no one should be made to feel bad or guilty w their role in the marriage if a person cannot communicate what is actually the issue. Is it a old fashioned macho control thing, or is he stressed with work and needs a break too? Or is it that he is so insecure that he is actually jealous of your relationship with your sis/SIL??

I'd recommend you mention to your sister to give you a little more notice in the future if she can, maybe a babysitter can be called in.
 
#14
Wow, your husband is not treating you right. I think it's a good idea to have a talk with him before his behavior worsens. It is normal if he feels annoyed initially, because he thought you sprung it on him, but it worries me when you say he gave you attitude at the end of the day, and also the next day! In my opinion, that constitutes as emotional abuse. You don't deserve that.
 
#15
like others I let my husband know when I have plans out of respect and courtesy but I doubt that if I wanted to do something on short notice he would behave this way. You really should talk with your husband and find out what's on his mind :heart:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
Back