My friend broke into her stepdaughter's myspace page

#31
while it was an invasion of privacy how much privacy can a teen nowadays really expect to have esp. on the internet where all kinds of madness goes on

I'm sure your friend broke into the myspace acct just to make sure nothing sexual was going on because let's be honest that's what a lot of teens do on myspace

however she found out something else which was totally unexpected but equally hurtful

alot of times teens and ppl in general say things they don't mean. maybe those entries were written after a family fight:shrugs:

your friend has no choice but to stay silent on the matter unless she wants to be the bad guy

eta: I have a 13 yr. old sister and a 14 yr. old nephew and I look at their myspace pages pretty regularly but they know that. My lis sister has been approached too often by sexual predators so you can never be too careful
 
#32
your friend is really really wrong!!!!!!!! That is her step-daughter's space and therefore it is her privacy, which she violated. Tell your friend to know her spot in the family: she is only a step-mother and she can never be a true mother to that girl... and by telling the father will just make things worse. What does your friend really want? Force the father to make his daughter like her? or send the girl to an orphanage?

*just my 2 cents*
 
#33
If you're going to go as far as HACKING into a teenager's Myspace page, you're just fishing to find something to complain about. I'm sorry, but beyond that there really isn't a reason to go so far as to get a special little code and dig into someone's personal space. If it's a matter of concern for her... talk to her! Don't go fishing for information yourself. What she says and what you read it as could be two completely different things.

JMO.
 
#34
i think i understand the hurt your friend is feeling but unfortunately when you choose to go where she did you have to be willing to take the consequences. it is not pleasant to read uncomplimentary things about yourself (especially if you feel they are not justified) but she went looking for inappropriate behavior and that is what she found. i think this type of caring for a child should be by the biological parents. i think she really has nothing she can do. i wouldn't tell the husband or the child. she will just have to live with it. adolescents are known to get angry at their parents and vent to their friends. time heals things like this. queen
 
#35
kahluamilk said:
If the stepdaughter feels that way, there's really nothing she can do... But for all the people who think breaking into a kid's myspace account is snooping... IT'S NOT. Parents need to be monitoring their kids accounts. Like Lelgin was saying-- there have been alot of cases of sexual predators on myspace and every parent should be monitoring a kid's internet usage.
Click to expand...

Coming from a mother that SNOOPED and read my diary I totally agree.
I have a 9 year old beautiful sister and I hope mom snoops through her stuff too. It's a scary world out there, and if she has do a little snooping to keep my lil sis safe then so be it. Although your friend has to live with the consequences now that she has snooped and if the well-being of the child is no concern of hers then maybe should refrain from spying on her. Like someone else said "That's not her daughter." Actually she is. I know my relationship with my step-dad was great and he definitely limited my internet usage.
 
#36
I'd say only step in if the stepdaughter was involved in something dangerous (or giving out too much personal information.) Did she have a reason to go in there?

She shouldn't have gone into her stepdaughter's account without talking to the girl's father first. (And then she shouldn't unless she has good reason to.)

If there was no talk of harming the stepmother, the girl was probably just ranting, and should be left alone.
 
#37
queen said:
i think this type of caring for a child should be by the biological parents.
Click to expand...
I'm going to say something here about statements like this one.

The divorce rate in this country is over 50% now. Because of that, there are more and more blended families out there. In fact, I heard a statistic that there are more blended families than intact families now.

I've raised my husband's two girls for ten years now. They're 17 and 20. Their mother is mentally unstable so I have been the only real positive female role model available to them. Should I just not care because I didn't give birth to them? Just because someone gives birth that does not make them a good parent- and also, especially in instances of divorce, kids need as many people around them who CARE as possible.

No one would EVER make that kind of comment about someone who had adopted a child, would they? Of course not! These kinds of attitudes really do a disservice to all the caring stepmoms and stepdads out there.

:back2topic:

I have no idea what possessed this person to invade her stepdaughter's myspace page... but as I said before, sometimes ignorance is bliss. I also think it is a good wake-up call that things (again) on the internet are not private. Diaries ARE, webpages are not.
 
#38
It was wrong to break into the stepdaughter's myspace page. Now, as posted earlier, the stepmom has to suck it up and deal with the consequences of her actions.

Kids and teens will vent all the time about stuff. Moods will swing up and down. One minute everything is fine and the next the world is ending. It's quite possible the things she read were just heat of the moment rants. When I was growing up it was "cool" not to like your parents or step parents and to ***** about them nonstop.

My Mom once read my diary. I was mortified when I found out. I kept a diary religiously from age 12 up through high school and usually kept them locked but one time I didn't. She read about some things I was doing (sneaking around) which were pretty harmless but when she found out and confronted me I was not only ashamed of what I'd done but doubly pissed due to how she found out. She could have just asked me to my face :sad: . It drove a wedge into our relationship for years.
 
#39
The only reason to justify hacking into your child's account would be if there's a clear suspicion of her being involved with something that could negatively effect or destroy her daughter's life that has had her worried sick.....like any parent who loves their child and is responsible for them would (drugs, communicating with a pedofile, etc). It's NOT to look for information regarding her own marital problems. I get the impression her whole incentive to snoop was to see what might have been written about her marriage (maybe some info about her father feelings or actions?). That's where the problem is. She should not say anything and quit reading her posts if it has nothing to do with the welfare of her dependent child. Confessing this could end any trust her daughter has with her. I agree, teens can also talk nasty if there's a group of kids dissing their parents. Good lord, I love my parents but at 16 I was embarassed to be seen shopping with them since it wasn't cool, little did they know (stupid I know). Whether she truly feels this way or not, the feelings will definitely turn real if she finds out she did that. It's like the guys or girl's night out...teens like to have that time to hang amongst themselves. If she has felt their relationship has been harmonious so far, then leave it at that.
 
#40
roo, i think if you read other posts on this topic you will find i was not the only person that felt this type of parenting might ought to be done by the father or mother. when i used the term caring i was not refering to love or affection but the physical act of caring for a child such as feeding, clothing, and disiciplining. i know many people are caring for children other than their own and doing a great job of it. i am thankful for these people. you are the one who has brought your friends behavior to the board. i am sorry you took offense but none was intended. i think it was unfortunate that you only quoted me and not the one or two others who suggested the biological parents should be firstline on issues like this. with that said i am sorry you were upset by my comment. i really don't have a dog in this hunt. i wish you and your friend only the best. queen
 
#41
i have a step mother whom i adore. however, when i was a teen i said some pretty awful things about her to my friends on a regular basis. most of it was venting and i rarely meant it.

if your friend thinks their relationship is good, it probably is. the only thing reliable about teenage girls is how moody they are. :yes:

i think your friend should talk about it with her husband because that's what husbands are for. however, she probably shouldn't bring it up with the daughter. i would have felt majorly violated if i knew my parents had hacked my blog/aim/email when i was that age without a VERY good reason (ie they thought i was doing drugs or self harming or something). letting her know about the trust violation will just make things worse imho, not better.

maybe your friend should try taking her daughter out to lunch, a movie, etc...just the two of them? seeing things are still "normal" between them may help her feel more at ease about the strength of their relationship.
 
#42
Pursegrrl said:
It was wrong to break into the stepdaughter's myspace page. Now, as posted earlier, the stepmom has to suck it up and deal with the consequences of her actions.

Kids and teens will vent all the time about stuff. Moods will swing up and down. One minute everything is fine and the next the world is ending. It's quite possible the things she read were just heat of the moment rants. When I was growing up it was "cool" not to like your parents or step parents and to ***** about them nonstop.

My Mom once read my diary. I was mortified when I found out. I kept a diary religiously from age 12 up through high school and usually kept them locked but one time I didn't. She read about some things I was doing (sneaking around) which were pretty harmless but when she found out and confronted me I was not only ashamed of what I'd done but doubly pissed due to how she found out. She could have just asked me to my face :sad: . It drove a wedge into our relationship for years.
Click to expand...



I totally agree with this. Im 17 years old and I can ***** about my parents a lot, but I don't really mean it. Its just something teenagers do. They ***** about their parents together and we know it's stupid and we don't mean it, but but it's just that teenagers tend to think that the world spins around them (and I should know :biggrin:). The girl has done nothing wrong, she is just a normal teenager, but her stepmom, did an unforgivable thing, and everyone would be happier if she would be quiet about the myspace thing. When I was 12 my sisters read my diary and I still haven't forgiven them, i get angry just thinking about it :censor: ...
 
#43
wow! A few comments and then back to topic. I am a stepmother. I have cared for my stepson emotionally and financially since day 1. Roo, I totally agree with you on your last post. Also, my husbands' first wife died so my stepson was even more ambivalent about having a stepmother. With that said, we didn't snoop but hindsight of course is 20-20 and we should have. Perhaps my stepson would have a clean record, etc...but now back to topic. ANYONE who thinks they have privacy on MySpace or any internet blog is just nuts. IMO the real problem is with the comment about her husband turning it around on her. With that said, unless she found out her stepdaughter is doing drugs or is having all kinds of sex unless she already has a steady boyfriend and the topic has been covered by the parents, she needs to keep her mouth shut. It is almost a given that 16 year olds hate their parents/step-parents at one time or another, and as hurtful as the girls' words were, well, thats the price you pay. Do I think she was wrong? If it was a paper journal or diary then yes no questions asked but online-again, there is no privacy its a chance you take but if the relationship was good between the two of them and the girl isn't displaying odd behavior then there was no reason to do it.
 
#44
Roo said:
I'm going to say something here about statements like this one.

The divorce rate in this country is over 50% now. Because of that, there are more and more blended families out there. In fact, I heard a statistic that there are more blended families than intact families now.

I've raised my husband's two girls for ten years now. They're 17 and 20. Their mother is mentally unstable so I have been the only real positive female role model available to them. Should I just not care because I didn't give birth to them? Just because someone gives birth that does not make them a good parent- and also, especially in instances of divorce, kids need as many people around them who CARE as possible.

No one would EVER make that kind of comment about someone who had adopted a child, would they? Of course not! These kinds of attitudes really do a disservice to all the caring stepmoms and stepdads out there.
Click to expand...

Well said, Roo! Thank you! There were a lot of comments saying that stepmoms should stay out of things, know their place, etc. I've found that those who are not in blended families often have misconceptions and make incorrect assumptions about what "our place" is as stepparents. We are all in unique situations and must determine our "place" on a case-by-case basis. It's not for outsiders to judge.
 
#45
BagLuver said:
Well said, Roo! Thank you! There were a lot of comments saying that stepmoms should stay out of things, know their place, etc. I've found that those who are not in blended families often have misconceptions and make incorrect assumptions about what "our place" is as stepparents. We are all in unique situations and must determine our "place" on a case-by-case basis. It's not for outsiders to judge.
Click to expand...

I disagree a little. I'm from a blended family of sorts, but my opinion is that a stepparent shouldn't act in a situation like this without consulting a natural parent. If she suspected drug abuse or pervy old man sex, I feel she should have consulted the father or even the mother (provided she is in the daughter's life & of sound mind) before hacking the stepdaughter's account. The fact that she's scared to tell her husband tells me that she didn't break in for the purposes of protecting the girl, but to spy on her. That's way over stepping the stepparent role.

I really think that parents should know what their children are doing online. I've seen myspaces of family friend's children, and their parents have no clue what their 14 year olds are putting on their myspaces. It's disturbing as hell for me to see my 16 year old cousin pouring vodka down her throat in her myspace picture. Yeah, a lot of teens drink, but it's pretty f'ing stupid to put a picture of yourself doing it online. Why the heck aren't her parents watching her more carefully? I feel parents should sit down and clearly define the rules, "You can have a myspace, but I will be checking it every single week. You can have email, but I get the password."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
Back