Mother in Laws (VENTING)

Sunshine

Sunshine

O.G.
Feb 1, 2006
12,001
82
#1
I had the biggest arguement with my mother in law last night that I need to vent!!!

We talked about what went on over the weekend...it was all pleasant. I then went on to share with her that I was going to my fitness spa for 9 weeks, that I was excited, I needed to do this for ME, how I was lloking forward to it for so many reasons...all related to me and recovering from grief, learning to take care of myself in a healthy way etc...SHE WAS SO MEAN! Told me she did not understand why I could no simply take care of myslef at home, and what was my husband (her son) going to do without me for 9 weeks...went on to say that she "was not raised like I was" (meaning she thinks I have been handed everything on a silver platter since birth) which IMMEDIATLY made me angry...I had and have a nice life...but I also worked my ass for years and never asked for any help from my father ever. I NEVER wanted my inheritance at this age...I always thought I would be more like 60 not 35...I would take Dad back any day. IM SO PISSED. I have taken care of her when she was beaten and robbed here in Key west, she lived with us for a month...I gave her my car when I bought a new one...she has come into my home and bossed me around..etc...I have taken alot of **** from her and never said a word...I can think of so many things my mind is spinning...end of the conversation.....I hung up on her. I will be writing a letter telling her what a mistake she made by talking to me like that. I will now keep a huge distance from her. How sad for my husband...we are buying another house and I had planned on having a house behind the house for her...NO WAY!! Anyone else have a mother in law that makes you crazy?
 
#2
I have a nutty mother-in-law as well. She lies and is an acoholic as well as addicted to painkillers. We can't call her after 8pm at night b/c she is always drunk and obnoxious. She always makes comments about how lucky I am to have her son. I know I'm lucky but so is he! Gosh, there are so many times she has pissed me off! The rest of my husband's family is no better. He can't even stand having to see any of them. the only reason we do is for our kids.

We visited them all on the west coast about a month ago and when we got back I was ready for a hospital and intravenous valium!! I don't blame you for being so upset, honey. Let yourself calm down a little before you write to her so you can get your thoughts and emotions straight.
 
#3
Aww, Sunshine, I'm so sorry about your experience - it sucks when you try to be nice and get those nasty blows back. My experience is that it's best to keep a friendly distance to your mother in law. Mine is OK, but can get really crazy at times, esp. when it comes to her silly comparison between how much time we spend with our relatives on each side of the family. She sees it as a competition and cant get over the fact that I like to spend time with my sister & her kids (we are close in age and have always been good friends) but my DH don't want to spend much time with his sister & kids (huge age difference, never had anything in common). Discussions about this topic tend to end ugly, so I normally tell her nothing. We just talk about "safe" things, such as how the kids are doing etc.

I hope you can work this out with her, let her know that this was not acceptable and then keep your distance. And enjoy your spa weeks - you deserve them!!! She is probably just jealous.
 
#4
You are so RIGHT...I need to take a day or so to calm the hell down...I really am angry...I know how I am and I do not forget easy...I may forgive, but never forget when I have been crossed. I have felt this brewing for years...I will try and not make this a big deal however, things have been said, the hurt will always remain...again...Im sad that my husband will have to deal with this now.
 
#5
So sorry to hear that!:sad: I can completely relate though... I have 10 years of stories about my whackjob MIL that no one would EVER believe. Luckily, she lives in another state. She doesn't feel the need to see her grandkids but when she needs money, she's calling my husband. I could go on... I know it's frustruating & you don't want your hubby to feel like he has to choose sides. Keep in mind that SHE chose the low road & therefore it's HER problem, not yours. Some women just can never let go of their sons.

As far as having a guest house for you MIL? You're right, NO WAY! I hear the Best Western is nice...;)
 
#6
Right there with you!!!:mad: She was very insensitive and there is NO WAY I'd build a house for her!!

My mother-in-law does this passive agressive bull:censor: that just about puts me over the edge! She thinks I am the spawn of satan and that her son is one step closer to godliness. Now I will be the first to admit I am certainly far from perfect, but believe me, my husband has his fair share of faults, too. We have had some issues over the years primarily caused by DH's lack of coherent decision making skills and she has always said that "if I could just figure out how to get over all of my issues, then there would not be any problems." She is fully aware that the instigator is almost always her son, but chooses to blame me. She attempted to criticize my parenting skills on her last visit, but I nipped that right in the bud! Actually, I finally had enough and told her exactly what I thought about everything. It was very liberating! I had never treated this woman with anything but the utmost respect and kindness and she pushed my last button when she told me I wasn't a good parent because I travel for work.:mad:

Oh yes and her voice sounds like a prepubescent boy's on helium. I am not exaggerating! When telemarketers call and she answers, they always ask for her parents. It is hellish to have to listen to it! What's comical is when she tries to baby talk to my son and her voice rises a few decibels. I'm sure our neighbor's dogs are in hell! Thankfully, she lives in Dallas and we are in Nebraska.
 
#7
acegirl said:
Some women just can never let go of their sons.
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So so true! My MIL used to call every night when we first moved in together. Then I found out she was also calling my husband during the day as well!

I have to keep things in perspective, though. I know I already feel sorry for the first girl my son brings home!!!
 
#8
I always thought when I was younger that I would get on really well with my mother in law because I am a very patient person the kind that has something to talk with literally everyone( I m a lawyer) but believe me reality never fails to suprise me!
Iam engaged and they think they might have a say on my wedding and you know in a sneaky way! In addition we are planning on building a house and she started randomly saying I hate this and I hate that about floors etc.

I dont recognise my self I ve become this ***** who defends all the decisions she has righfully made. My fiancee is supportive but I know he is sad about the whole situation,
 
#10
I hear you all ladies. My MIL is rude (well my DH calls it aloof). I normally am caught off guard with her comments, so never (well once) react to them until after when we are alone. When I told my husband, he either didn't hear the comments or just said "oh yeah, that was weird." He talked to her once about it, she claimed that she just didn't know she was hurtful. My DH said you can not expect a fifty somthing year old to change, of course not, but I don't think it should be allowed to be rude, insensitive and hurtful just because you are old.

I don't understand this, most of the MIL (of my girlfriends) are not nice. I look at my mum, she is always so sweet and nice to my brother's gfs. I know it's not right to say this but if I knew her earlier I wouldn't married him (we were living abroad before we got married). When you married someone you love, you have also married his/her family and friends, and you HAVE to love them unconditionally too, otherwise it's hard for the marriage to work.
 
#12
gosh!
i'm neither married nor engaged at the moment, but i am very worried about what will happen...i'm not a very pacient kind of person, and i'm afraid i need to work on self control...you are golden people girls to bear your mothers in law, they can be extremely disturbing!!!:rant:
 
#13
mischa said:
gosh!
i'm neither married nor engaged at the moment, but i am very worried about what will happen...i'm not a very pacient kind of person, and i'm afraid i need to work on self control...you are golden people girls to bear your mothers in law, they can be extremely disturbing!!!:rant:
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Word of advice : meet her more than once and spend a lot of time with her before you say yes. It will be worth it because at first they all pretend to be nice:mad: ! And believe me you never get rid of them.
 
#14
Sunshine-- I am so sorry you had to go through that. I have not only a nosey, opinionated mother-in-law, but a mother, sister, and sister-in-law (the worst one). These people actually make comments all the time on everything me and my husband do. Comments that really p-ss us off!!! So, here is my new attitude and I think everyone should adopt a similar one:

I am my own person. I am confident and independant. I do not need others approval for anything I want to do, see, buy, go, or any decisions I make regarding my family. It is hard sometimes to stick to that, and sometimes lonely too, but I will stick to it. I will do what I want when I want as long as no one is getting hurt from my actions. If I am the only person who know that and the rest don't--then too bad for them!!!

Everyone had horrible comments to make when I decided to go back to college and get my degree. Can you believe that??? Actually saying that education is a bad thing or that you don't NEED it? Crazy people. But guess what? I want to do it, my husband supports me, but even if he didn't I would have still gone. Sometimes we need to do things for ourselves, to make us feel better or cope, or what have you. Stick to your guns, go with what you believe is the best thing and ......Screw the rest of them!!!!
 
#15
I feel for you, Sunshine. There have been so many times I've had to bite my tongue I can't even count. However, as I've gotten older I've started to put my foot down and have confronted her on certain important issues. She had a problem with me from the beginning because of the age difference between me and my husband. She wasn't very nice to me. It was a long hard struggle for me to keep the peace. Now almost 13 years later she thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread and I, sadly, don't feel too much for her. Out of respect for my husband I treat her nicely. My husband works in PA and we live in NY, so he is not home Monday through Thursday afternoons. Her other two children live out of state. She is going to be 94 in August and she still lives alone. Gotta hand it to her ... she's a tough old bird. She didn't live this long being meek thats for sure! Sooooooo guess who does her banking, food shopping, takes her to doctors' appointments, blah, blah, blah...... That's right .... yours truly. I do it more for my husband than for her but, like I said, I treat her nicely. In fact, I don't even think she really knows how I truly feel about her. She caused me a lot of hurt and that's why I will never feel warm and fuzzy for her. Mothers-in-law don't realize the person they hurt the most just may be the one that takes care of them in their old age. My advise to you is to straighten her out now before she really becomes a monster-in-law. I've straightened my mother-in-law out years ago and that's probably why I can take care of her now. If she was still doing and saying the things she used to say and do I don't know if I could do all the things I do for her now.
 
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