Monster in Law~ Vent thread

~Fabulousity~

~Fabulousity~

O.G.
Jan 25, 2006
25,468
47
#1
Recently while visiting with my mom she told me that my daughter told her that my MIL made a comment to my DH that being with me is a big mistake :cursing:
I have to say that his sisters have been trouble since day one, and DH and I pretty much stay away don't go to family functions etc. because of their attitudes. His mom on the other hand has also not been the nicest to me but has never been out right nasty like his sisters. So hearing this from my mom made me realize that she is a too-faced sneak and really can't stand me. What I don't get is why the hell is she buying me Christmas gifts every year? :cursing: I must say that I feel that I should not accept anything else from her. I don't like people giving me things if it does not come from the heart.
 
#2
URGh wow. so nice of her to say that in front of your daughter.

I hear you, i don't like accepting gifts or favors from people that are insincere or people i don't like either. actually it really drives me nuts when i know someone doesn't like me and goes "Dear" or "Honey" or coos around me. makes me sick.

I don't know what to say... maybe she thinks she's keeping the peace by being nice to you. and if you refuse to take the gifts she could flip things into "you're being the difficult and rude DIL. Which DIL would reject a MIL's loving gift? sob sob sob" See?

more importantly, does you daughter remember what your husband said to his mother? does your husband tell you stuff like that or protect you? he should. not all husbands do unfortunately but he shouild.

I'm so sorry but now that you know she's a 2 faced snake, you just be pleasant and keep your distance from her and know how she really feels about you.

I'm sure it hurts and sucks but you know, there aren't horror MIL stories floating around for no reason =(

*HUGS*
 
#3
Apparently they were in the kitchen when she made the comment my daughter was in the living room(She has a very small house) and when she realized what she said in front of my daughter she had an uneasy look on her face according to my daughter. I guess she forgot my daughter was there. Apparently my DH walked away when she said it and he and my DD left. :rant:

I asked my DH if she made this comment and he said "no" I don't believe him. I know he is just trying to keep the peace but he should not lie to me :censor:

I remember when DH and I would be in her neighborhood I would always say "lets stop by and see your mom" or "you should spend more time with your mom" I was such a fool. I now know the truth and am glad about it. Funny thing is that I have a BIL that I have never met because he and his wife stay away because they were nasty to his wife also. You'd think they learned their lesson after loosing one brother/son but obviously not.
:censor:
 
#4
i'm glad he didn't answer her and left with DD. at least he didn't say "yeah but she has her good points too". that's what my friend's DF said to his mom. i'm like WHAT??

Dh situation is tricky tho cos like u said he was probably trying to keep the peace. tricky. are u going to confront him about it or just let it be and keep your distance from MILFH (MIL from Hell)?

She sounds manipulative and what happens is that she's chased her children away.... she'll regret it in her old age when no one is close to her or comes visit her.
now you know and you can stay away from her.


MILs really need ot learn to keep their nose out of their children's affairs. it's not right to bad mouth your DIL or SIL unless they are pot smoking children abusing parents ...

Hey how old is DD? did you ask you questions about what grandma said etc? might have to detraumatize the kid or gently explain things to her... don't ask me how, i don't have kids. LOL!

hang in there girl .... *HUGS*
 
#5
thanks Buble! My daughter is 11 and although I have never discussed anything with her shes no dummy. She said she didnt tell me and told my mom because she didnt want my feelings to get hurt :sad:
Your right its good that she made such a comment because now I know how she really feels about me. She can no longer hide behind Christmas gifts and fake smiles. So much has happend I'm sure my husband is just trying to keep me from going off the edge. He knows i'm the type to confront people about what they say no matter who it is, and i'm sure he was just trying to prevent me from confronting him mom. I see she is manipulative now even though I always suspected it. She and DH have spats often over her sticking her nose where it does not belong. Which is why we stay away, her and his sisters have run him away but let them tell it he doesnt come around because of me. whatever they all need to get a life :noworry:
 
#7
Fabulosity, I had to laugh when I read the title of your post....I have a Monster in law too.

She is passive aggressive, undermining and spiteful. She plays it off by buying gifts for dh, kids and me...but they come at such a cost that they are not worth it.

Through the past 10 years I have learned several things.

1. Without her there is no DH. Even though she is a horror, her son is a doll and she had to have something to do with that.

2. I do not share my complaints about her w/dh, because I want him to love his mother and I can take care of myself.

3. She is toxic and I cannot change her. I have to change the way I react to her.

4. I always treat myself to something FANTASTIC after one of her visits.....I EARN IT!
 
#8
^that sounds like a really healthy attitude. Hopefully someday I will feel that way about future MIL!

Mine is alot like yours, Fabulosity.

She.just.doesn't.like.me. End of story...we are "fake" nice to each other, but I have heard sooo many things she has said about me that I know better than to take her pleasantries at more than face value.

She is like that with her other DIL as well--soooo sweet to her face, but talking about her behind her back, etc.

In fact, it is a two-faced triangle between MIL, his sister and his SIL. They ALL talk about EVERYONE behind their back! I have never in my life encountered women like this.

To sum up a list of the reasons his mom doesn't like me:

1-I am college educated...bachelor's degree and paralegal certificate...she thinks its a waste...I should (at 23) be living with him with at least one or two kids, baking cookies and running a daycare OR sewing.

2-on a related note, I don't plan on having kids, which is a huuuuuuuuuuuge deal for her...the most frustating thing is that she doesn't say anything to my face about it, just to others....ugh!!

3-my family has money...she grew up without alot of money and is resentful of ANYONE who has it...she is middle class now so you would think she would be happy and content with her life but no...

That being said, my SO is such a WONDERFUL person...he is worth any and all MIL pains :smile:
 
#9
carolinagirl73 said:
Fabulosity, I had to laugh when I read the title of your post....I have a Monster in law too.

She is passive aggressive, undermining and spiteful. She plays it off by buying gifts for dh, kids and me...but they come at such a cost that they are not worth it.

Through the past 10 years I have learned several things.

1. Without her there is no DH. Even though she is a horror, her son is a doll and she had to have something to do with that.

2. I do not share my complaints about her w/dh, because I want him to love his mother and I can take care of myself.

3. She is toxic and I cannot change her. I have to change the way I react to her.

4. I always treat myself to something FANTASTIC after one of her visits.....I EARN IT!
Click to expand...

This is a great way of handling it and looking at it. Fabulousity, hang in there, you know you can always vent to us. And yeah, treat yourself to a new purse or something after she's especially frustrating - cheaper than therapy. :graucho:
 
#10
thank you all so much!
CarolinaGirl~ I agree with everything you said, I always tell myself she IS his mom and I will respect her for that if nothing else. I know he loves his mom and thats why I always encourage visits etc. but from now on I just won't be accompanying him on any visits :nogood:

CoutureGrl~ There is some jealousy in my situation also, I can and will never understand how family can be jealous when other family members are doing well, you'd think they would be happy for one another. And as far as the whole college education goes i've recieved some not so great looks whenever I discussed my education. I guess some are really angry that they didnt go to college so they become envious that "you" did and it makes them lash out unneccesarily :noworry: But like I always say, I live my life for me no one else, and if anyone doesnt like it too bad :shrugs:

Wordbox~ Retail therapy always helps I went shopping yesterday when I left work and got 3 new pairs of shoes after already ordering two pairs online :yahoo:
 
#11
My poor mother had a MIL similar to what you all describe (My dad's mother). I give my Mom a lot of credit for dealing with her BS for years. What is funny is that my FATHER was the one who finally detached from her, HE got tired of her treating his wife and kids like crap. I guess everyone has their limits.

If you confront your MIL, I'd suggest you approach it from the standpoint of being a parent. In other words, you say, "You are entitled to your opinion(s) about ME, but you WILL NOT get away with slagging me while my child is present... I have been the bigger person in terms of dealing with YOU for years, but obviously you can't rise to the same level...."

She can't argue with this and it also shows you can rise above it (and she can't!)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
Back