Marriage Counceling...is it the end?

#16
no way, not the end!
In fact, I have kinda wanted to go even when DH and I aren't having trouble.
We communicate differently and I really think it could help.

I think it's a fantastic step.
I also agree about the living w/ parent thing. . . not a healthy idea for most married folks.
 
#17
^^ Slightly off topic, Swanky but that cheerleader Smiley is adorable!



Anyway, marriage counselling is a good thing. It shows you're willing to work on whatever's necessary to improve your relationship. A bad thing would be if you gave up as soon as you ran into problems.





My parents don't necessarily go to marriage counselling, but they see a therapist and their relationship has changed for the better. Their communication has improved.
 
#18
no not the end for sure. that is down to both of you, isn't it?

I don't know how long you have been married, but I am guessing a few years, right? i reckon your relationship may be in a transition stage - all long-term committed relationships do that. I mean it can't stay the way it used to be forever - we change, our responsibilities change, so our relationship changes. so you need to find new ways to communicate - i fought hard in the beginning of my marriage, well I should say we fought hard, to set up these ways of communication. it wasn't easy, to say the least, and we had no honeymoon phase bec of it, but frankly it has been so worth it. we didn't see anyone but worked with each other - bec that suits us better. I believe trying to find the right ways of communicating is very important and healthy for your children as well - they can learn.

your living situation doesn't help, that is for sure, but I am guessing you kinda need to given that you study etc, right? I would set myself a time goal when I would think it is possible to move out, and that is like your 'light', kwim? that way you know what you are working for - it always helps, even if it takes another couple of years.

finally, I think we all orientate ourselves according to the rel.ships around us, whether we aspire to be the same or try hard to be different - but in the end, our relationships are always unique, so don't compare, you live your own life. I tend to ignore any kind of comment regarding the possible difficulties etc of my relationship (my grandma has a lot of 'good advice'....) bec only I know what is going on. period.

all the best for you and your family. :smile:.
 
#19
No I don't think so, as a matter of fact, I think it shows the commitment you both have towards your marriage and it's the right thing to do if you feel that you need help to resolve issues. Lots and lots of couples walk out of marriage counselling stronger and happier. Best of luck!
 
#20
TravelBug said:
No I don't think so, as a matter of fact, I think it shows the commitment you both have towards your marriage and it's the right thing to do if you feel that you need help to resolve issues. Lots and lots of couples walk out of marriage counselling stronger and happier. Best of luck!
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ita. a very mature decision, imo!
 
#21
lara0112 said:
no not the end for sure. that is down to both of you, isn't it?

I don't know how long you have been married, but I am guessing a few years, right? i reckon your relationship may be in a transition stage - all long-term committed relationships do that. I mean it can't stay the way it used to be forever - we change, our responsibilities change, so our relationship changes. so you need to find new ways to communicate - i fought hard in the beginning of my marriage, well I should say we fought hard, to set up these ways of communication. it wasn't easy, to say the least, and we had no honeymoon phase bec of it, but frankly it has been so worth it. we didn't see anyone but worked with each other - bec that suits us better. I believe trying to find the right ways of communicating is very important and healthy for your children as well - they can learn.

your living situation doesn't help, that is for sure, but I am guessing you kinda need to given that you study etc, right? I would set myself a time goal when I would think it is possible to move out, and that is like your 'light', kwim? that way you know what you are working for - it always helps, even if it takes another couple of years.

finally, I think we all orientate ourselves according to the rel.ships around us, whether we aspire to be the same or try hard to be different - but in the end, our relationships are always unique, so don't compare, you live your own life. I tend to ignore any kind of comment regarding the possible difficulties etc of my relationship (my grandma has a lot of 'good advice'....) bec only I know what is going on. period.

all the best for you and your family. :smile:.
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Yes, we have to live with my family because we're both studying and my DH works full time so while we could probably afford a small apartment, it just wouldnt be smart...We plan on living here until I get my first degree (associates) and then move out. (He's studying Computer Engineering). I love my parents to death but we really do need our space and luckily, we have a date set when we will be getting our own place. Your right, it's like our own little "light"
 
#22
I see no problem with counseling...it helps bring certain issues to light and acknowledges the fact that a marriage needs communication and constant work...what is so bad about that? :shrugs: I think it's great that you and your hubby are taking positive steps in fighting for your marriage, instead of just ignoring the warning signs or even worse, jumping ship. :tdown: Good luck and I hope everything works out for you two!!! :heart: :heart:
 
#25
Do try to find someone who feels right for both of you, though. SO and I went to see a (male) counselor one time who was horribly biased towards SO. He kept telling SO "Do what you think is right for YOU" - who was I, chopped liver? I got so tired of the guy that I told SO that he could visit the counselor on his own and I wasn't going for any more sessions, SO could do what he wanted, just like his counselor suggested.

Fortunately SO decided that he did not want to see the counselor anymore :P

EDIT: I just asked SO "Don't you want to go see [counselor's name] again?" and he said "Do you want to get rid of me?"
 
#26
I think its a healthy thing. every relationship eventually changes in a marriage. you both never stop growing and changing. the point is to do it together. the infatuation always ends sooner or later and just because your relationship changes doesn't mean it changes for the worst, its just different and new and IMO can be exciting. Just keep an open mind with counseling, go into it with love and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
 
#27
merika said:
No, it's not the end of anything..it'll probably teach you different ways of communicating with each other effectively. Since you are in a growing marriage, have small children and also live with your parents I'm sure it contributes to some tensions in your marriage. This may be a way for your husband and you to talk about what has been bothering either of you and make a valuable step forward together.
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^^^ ITA, and to add him initiating is also a great thing as most men don't like to go to any type of counseling because they don't like discussing their feelings.
 
#28
Therapy can definitely be a positive step - it shows that both parties recognize there are issues and are willing to work on them. I think it only signals the beginning of an end when one party is all gung-ho for it and the other doesn't want it/believe in it/thinks it's going to work. It sounds like you and your dh both want to work through your issues, so I think therapy in your case could be very helpful and a chance for a new beginning.

FYI - my best friend and her husband have gone to therapy and it's helped them tremendously!

Best wishes for everything!
 
#29
good luck :smile: i think it's great that the two of you admit the problems and want to solve things out.
i had a friend, she's only married for 3 years but they're having problem in their marriage, the communications are so bad between them, but the DH won't admit they have problems and refuse to seek counsel for help.
 
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