Made to feel guilty

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Jul 23, 2023
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I have been out of the workforce since 2018. I am in school hoping to start a new career. About one to two years ago I went a little shopping crazy and bought all the Patricia Nash Brailes Satchels. I had about 8 of them and I decluttered down to 5. These handbags are pretty large. They were sitting pretty on my shelf for awhile until I took it out shopping and it felt like I was lugging around a piece of luggage in the grocery store. I would say they are the size of a small briefcase. My dad says keep them, briefcases are always fashionable. Because he said that I feel guilty about wanting to declutter them. Plus, everyone tells me to keep them. At the same time I have been out of the workforce since 2018. I do not know when or if at all I will return. Also when I did work I carried a tote with me. I am not concerned about money or resell value. To me they are very beautiful. What are your thoughts.
 
I have been out of the workforce since 2018. I am in school hoping to start a new career. About one to two years ago I went a little shopping crazy and bought all the Patricia Nash Brailes Satchels. I had about 8 of them and I decluttered down to 5. These handbags are pretty large. They were sitting pretty on my shelf for awhile until I took it out shopping and it felt like I was lugging around a piece of luggage in the grocery store. I would say they are the size of a small briefcase. My dad says keep them, briefcases are always fashionable. Because he said that I feel guilty about wanting to declutter them. Plus, everyone tells me to keep them. At the same time I have been out of the workforce since 2018. I do not know when or if at all I will return. Also when I did work I carried a tote with me. I am not concerned about money or resell value. To me they are very beautiful. What are your thoughts.
If you enjoy having these beautiful things, then keep them. You are going to school and have many possibilities in your future. The certainty that you know now to be true is that you have hand bags you love. Keep them.
 
From your initial post, it sounds like you ar the only one that thinks you should be feeling guilty. 5 beautiful and practical bags you already have is an unusual thing/amount to feel guilty about.

I personally don't think this is just about the bags, I would ask yourself if bags is really what's this feeling is really about. Perhaps you still feel guilty about buying 8 bags in quick succession(?). That must have been a while ago and it's not healthy/useful to feel guilty about something that was more than a year ago. I wouldn't have thought any less of you had you kept all 8 if the style suited you. It's telling that offer us that you edited (don't like the word 'decluttered') 3. Perhaps you had a moment of 'madness', but we all do that now and again. I hope the editing has alleviated some of the negative feelings. What made made you buy 8 bags quickly perhaps needs looking at.

You keep repeating you haven't been in the workplace since 2018. However, your soon-to-be new qualifications will presumably improve your life/work situation. It's a change, an evolution, but it's still your life.

I wouldn't wait until you finish school before you carry your bags again, carry them in rotation starting now. I don't think you'll feel so guilty if you're using them. Anyway, no need to wait to be the person you want or are hoping to be, no need to cut yourself off from who your were yesterday.
 
From your initial post, it sounds like you ar the only one that thinks you should be feeling guilty. 5 beautiful and practical bags you already have is an unusual thing/amount to feel guilty about.

I personally don't think this is just about the bags, I would ask yourself if bags is really what's this feeling is really about. Perhaps you still feel guilty about buying 8 bags in quick succession(?). That must have been a while ago and it's not healthy/useful to feel guilty about something that was more than a year ago. I wouldn't have thought any less of you had you kept all 8 if the style suited you. It's telling that offer us that you edited (don't like the word 'decluttered') 3. Perhaps you had a moment of 'madness', but we all do that now and again. I hope the editing has alleviated some of the negative feelings. What made made you buy 8 bags quickly perhaps needs looking at.

You keep repeating you haven't been in the workplace since 2018. However, your soon-to-be new qualifications will presumably improve your life/work situation. It's a change, an evolution, but it's still your life.

I wouldn't wait until you finish school before you carry your bags again, carry them in rotation starting now. I don't think you'll feel so guilty if you're using them. Anyway, no need to wait to be the person you want or are hoping to be, no need to cut yourself off from who your were yesterday.
I actually have a total of 15 bags in the grand scheme of things. It is just these 5 do not really get used that much 1) because of their size, 2) I am pretty much SAH and if I do go anywhere it is usually running to convient store or pharmacy. I guess the other part of the conversation is "You shouldn't have bought them but keep them." Mainly because I don't use them it is not about the money. I don't typically feel guilty about spending money because it was money I had to burn when I bought them. I would feel guilty about purchasing them if I bought them on credit or loan. Nothing like that though. All my bills first.

I always here live for the life you have now not the one you hope or buying things for a fantasy life. I don't know if I will be working in my future. I am in school but my family tells me that I honestly don't have to work for the rest of my life if I don't want too. So kond of grappling with that I guess. I will try to figure out where I can wear them though.
 
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TBH, I'm not familiar with the bag and can't speak to the size/weight, but they still look like they'd have uses beyond the workforce:
  • Travel (as a personal item)
  • Carrying a laptop (I take mine to the hair salon--not just work)
  • Shopping (again, can't speak to the weight, but sometimes when I go to a shopping event or somewhere I know I won't get a decent bag for my purchases, a bag like this can be a chic way to take my items home!)
You have no reason to feel guilty for getting rid of three of the bags. You still have five. If you like them, use and enjoy them. If you like them on display, show them proudly!

As for your work-related situation, well, that goes beyond the scope of this forum.
 
I actually have a total of 15 bags in the grand scheme of things. It is just these 5 do not really get used that much 1) because of their size, 2) I am pretty much SAH and if I do go anywhere it is usually running to convient store or pharmacy. I guess the other part of the conversation is "You shouldn't have bought them but keep them." Mainly because I don't use them it is not about the money. I don't typically feel guilty about spending money because it was money I had to burn when I bought them. I would feel guilty about purchasing them if I bought them on credit or loan. Nothing like that though. All my bills first.

I always here live for the life you have now not the one you hope or buying things for a fantasy life. I don't know if I will be working in my future. I am in school but my family tells me that I honestly don't have to work for the rest of my life if I don't want too. So kond of grappling with that I guess. I will try to figure out where I can wear them though.
Some people work not because of financial need but for reasons of fulfillment, independence, to make a difference, or other things.
It seems like your family influences you a lot , maybe you need to become more independent.
 
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Some people work not because of financial need but for reasons of fulfillment, independence, to make a difference, or other things.
This is also so important! And remember, if you don't need to work for financial reasons, that doesn't mean you don't ever have to do anything (at least, it shouldn't). You can volunteer in a million different ways (everything from almost work-type volunteer jobs to hands-on activities like walking dogs for animal rescues), you can travel, you can build a business of your own...you don't have to have a 9-5 to keep busy!

I'm close with a few families where various people don't have to work for one reason or another. Everybody has something they're doing and everyone is a productive, active member of society, with or without a "job" in the conventional sense of the term.
 
Some people work not because of financial need but for reasons of fulfillment, independence, to make a difference, or other things.
It seems like your family influences you a lot , maybe you need to become more independent.
I have over 20 years working in the counseling/human services field. In that field I have been attacked physically, robbed, and stalked. I have PTSD and have sought treatment and continue to seek treatment because of the stresses from working in that field. Not that it is anyone's business. I think it is not nice to assume a person's circumstances. I know about independence. I own several properties, I bought my first home when I was in my early 20s and am mortgage free and own land that produces oil. I think I have made some good life choices. Just because I have the family support doesn't mean I just lay around wallowing like a princess. I only mentioned about not working because of the bags I felt were handbags that would be suited to the office and I was not sure I would be returning back to work.

ETA: I just wanted to add to my accomplishments. I have a PhD- All but dissertation in I/O Psychology and I am working on my second Master's degree. Even if I didn't have those accomplishment and only depending on my family there is nothing wrong with that. I come from a culture and a large family where we support and encourage each other.
 
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I have over 20 years working in the counseling/human services field. In that field I have been attacked physically, robbed, and stalked. I have PTSD and have sought treatment and continue to seek treatment because of the stresses from working in that field. Not that it is anyone's business. I think it is not nice to assume a person's circumstances. I know about independence. I own several properties, I bought my first home when I was in my early 20s and am mortgage free and own land that produces oil. I think I have made some good life choices. Just because I have the family support doesn't mean I just lay around wallowing like a princess. I only mentioned about not working because of the bags I felt were handbags that would be suited to the office and I was not sure I would be returning back to work.

ETA: I just wanted to add to my accomplishments. I have a PhD- All but dissertation in I/O Psychology and I am working on my second Master's degree. Even if I didn't have those accomplishment and only depending on my family there is nothing wrong with that. I come from a culture and a large family where we support and encourage each other.
I'm so sorry for what you experienced in your professional life. For the record, while I can't speak for A Bottle of Red, I don't think the comment came from a place of malice or negativity. I think it was taking the facts presented in your posts as the whole story, which is frustrating when you know there's more to the story, but it's all that we, a group of strangers, can use to provide guidance.

I do hope that you find fulfillment in whatever you do.
 
I have over 20 years working in the counseling/human services field. In that field I have been attacked physically, robbed, and stalked. I have PTSD and have sought treatment and continue to seek treatment because of the stresses from working in that field. Not that it is anyone's business. I think it is not nice to assume a person's circumstances. I know about independence. I own several properties, I bought my first home when I was in my early 20s and am mortgage free and own land that produces oil. I think I have made some good life choices. Just because I have the family support doesn't mean I just lay around wallowing like a princess. I only mentioned about not working because of the bags I felt were handbags that would be suited to the office and I was not sure I would be returning back to work.

ETA: I just wanted to add to my accomplishments. I have a PhD- All but dissertation in I/O Psychology and I am working on my second Master's degree. Even if I didn't have those accomplishment and only depending on my family there is nothing wrong with that. I come from a culture and a large family where we support and encourage each other.
Oh no I am so sorry I think I wasn't clear with my post . I did not mean to imply you're lazy or being a princess or not accomplished at all.
I was just saying that even if you don't need to work you might want to , some people feel better when they're working or are busy out of the house.
I am again so sorry if my post offended you, I truly was not intending that.
You sound like an amazing person and you are correct that you don't need to defend yourself to me.
I will ask to have my post removed since it was hurtful to you.
 
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