Lost: The Fine Old Art of the Insult

  1. Tim Boothby

    What has the world come to when the best insult a person can come up with is “boob,” it was a cool word in the 4th grade I suppose, you got a good double entendre chuckle from it, but seriously. How far has the art of the insult fallen these days? Insults are down to labels it seems, fascist is popular, Zionist, thug, and there are a multitude of –ists, anti-, counter-, and other labels that get hung on people, often times without clear context. Why not at least go with the intellectual one-worder like pogue, puzzlewit or miscreant, if one word is all you care to invest?

    Classic insults, Churchill was good for an insult, Lady Nancy Astor once said to him, “Winston, if I were your wife, I'd poison your tea.” And without missing a beat he replied, “Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.” On another memorable occasion Bessie Braddock said, “Sir, you are drunk.” Again without missing a beat, he replied, “And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.” Now there is style. We’ve lost some style about our insults, and that disappoints me.

    Then you have Groucho Marx, of the famous Marx brothers, Grouch, Chico, Zeppo, Harpo and Karl, who once asked, “Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?” and then there was one insult so good that two different people get credit for it, depending on who you ask, it was either Richard Brinsley Sheridan or Mark Twain that said “He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts.” That’s style, it says everything and leaves the gutter down below.

    Whatever happened to putting a little work into it, something like: “You’re village called, they need their idiot back.” Or something with a little twist, “You’re two stooges shy of a trio.” They may be a little corny, but come on, how original is falling back on simple labels. Exercise your wit, give it rein and let it free! Ok, I know, Thumper says “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” But lets be realistic, somebody is going to get insulted today, and tomorrow, and the next day, so be original, or at least creative!
    Lets look a list of insults that took a few seconds of thought.
    • When you hit rock bottom, quit digging!
    • I wish I could go back in time and give your old man a quarter for a condom.
    • Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
    • Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
    • Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
    • He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe
    • Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
    • Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
    • Well, they do say opposites attract...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
    • I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
    • Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
    • I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
    Yes, they’re a bit immature, but so is insulting people when you get right down to it.

  2. My favorites have always been:

    You have the face of a saint . . . . a Saint Bernard!

    You have a very striking face. How many times have you been struck there?
  3. haha good thread!
  4. LOL perfect timing. I'm actually arguing with someone right now, except I'm trying to take the higher road and just ignore/block all contact. It's really hard though, because his insults to me were absolutely sickening and uncalled for. He actually told someone he wished I would contract cancer or aids or 'MS just like her dad'.

    What did I do to deserve this abuse? You'd think I did something absolutely terrible, wouldn't you? I only deleted him off facebook!
  5. how about- If I wanted to hear from an a*@hole, i'd fart! that one always gets me kindergarden chuckling!
  6. My favorite will always be:

    Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries.

    Now go away, or I will taunt you a second time.
  7. I also like:

    Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person.

    I fart in your general direction!

    I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough whopper!
  8. Where do you think I got this outRAAAAAgeous accent, you silly king!
  9. Silly English knnnniggits!
  10. Camelot...tis a silly place.
  11. Camelot!



    It's only a model!

  12. I've always liked:

    may your earholes turn into arseholes and sh*t on your shoulders
  13. haha Caitlin, I dont know what you and Candace are saying, but youre hilarious!