This will be long so please bear with me..
I am a senior level HR professional with 14 years of experience. My last job almost ruined me. I was there for about 3 years, it was incredibly stressful and a dog eat dog environment (not my thing at all!), mixed with a bad economy and 900+ layoffs. I spent the last 1.5 years there with extreme anxiety suffering from almost daily panic attacks, and my mental and physical health took a major nosedive. It also made me question my future in HR and if this is the right career for me. I went into HR because I wanted to help people, but it seems like all I do is help to legally hurt people. I ended up finding a new job, still HR, but a different industry, and I started in April 2016. It's a maternity leave cover so it's only 15 months, which at the time I thought I was perfect because it will give me some time to do what I know but also give me a kick in the butt in June 2017 to really decide what I want to do with my life.
It started out ok, but within a month turned extremely stressful. It's a small team and I'm the only one with very diverse HR experience so most of the projects and major tasks fall on my plate. The organization is in a constant state of change and due to the amount of projects I have been on, I have been the main person who has been dealing with all of this change. Right now I have 26 projects on the go in addition to my regular day to day job. I have tried to explain why this is unreasonable, but because we're a smaller team with some limited skillsets, I have no choice other than to just do it. I'm running on empty.
Now, 9 months in, the anxiety is creeping in again, but this time it feels almost worse. I don't have the same awful physical symptoms that I was dealing with before, this time it's more mental. Lately it's been worse than ever with days where I've gone home from work and can't even move because I'm so mentally and physically exhausted. I have a constant headache, my entire body hurts from being tense from the stress. I can't relax, I feel like I'm a mess and people who are close to me are worried that I'm going to end up having some kind of breakdown. On Sunday out of nowhere I did have a sort of meltdown and my husband almost took me to the ER, he didn't know what else to do. I saw my family doctor and he thinks I'm under extreme stress and won't get better unless I mitigate those stressors. We all know it's my job, but I've been under so much work stress now for 3 years that I don't think it's so easy to just "get over it" anymore.
We are a small team - my director, myself, another person at my level, let's call her Judy, and two administrators. The lady who I am covering for is returning from her maternity leave in June, which should have left me without a job (which I have planned for and am ok with!), but it looks like that is changing now - My director is planning on letting Judy go so that I can be on the team permanently. She has been trying over the past two months to get Judy to quit on her own by giving her tasks she knows she can't complete, and doing various things to make her want to leave. Since that hasn't worked, my director has finally gotten approval from our VP to let Judy go in order to keep me.
As much as I hate what they are doing to Judy, I'm flattered that they want to keep me that badly, however I still have some major reservations about it. After what happened on Sunday, my husband wants me to quit right away. He thinks that the stress of this position is too much and not worth it anymore. In addition to work stress, one of our dogs is very sick and this is my "heart dog", I've had her since I was 21 (33 now) and it's always just been me and her. I'm trying to keep it all together but my heart is breaking.
I keep weighing up the pros and cons but I feel like I'm getting nowhere...
Pros:
- Great benefits: free parking, no dress code, flexible hours, 5 weeks vacation, nice offices... things that are hard to find around here
- I get along with my director and could learn a lot from her
- Permanent job
- If HR is something I want to do longterm, then this is a great opportunity
- The new offer is pretty attractive financially
Cons:
- Effects on my health
- Stress levels, pressures, and projects have been increasing
- I'm not sure if this is even what I want longterm. I have no passion in what I'm doing, and I feel as though I'm going through the motions
- The way that they are chosing to do this concerns me.. they are firing someone to keep me, and not only does that feel wrong to me morally, it worries me that they will expect even more from me once she's gone because of what they did to keep me
- My director admitted to me about a month ago that they are aware that they have "used me"... they know I'm underpaid and overworked for what's on my plate. Everyone works 8:30am-4pm, but I'm so busy that I'm working 6am-4:30pm (when the office closes), and then doing work from home.
And the big question, If I quit, what if I hate not working?! What If I can't find something that suits me?! How will I handle not making my own money for a while?! My husband has a well paying job and we would be fine financially, but I have been working full time since I was 18 years old, I don't know anything different. What would I do with my life?! The economy is bad right now and it won't be easy to find another job. I also feel as though I need to be picky right now so that I don't end up in the same situation that I have been in for the past 3 years.
I'm not looking for someone to make this decision for me, I know that's all me, but I'm really hoping to find someone who has been through something similar and what they did and what helped them to come to the decision that they made. Any advice/support is greatly appreciated!
I am a senior level HR professional with 14 years of experience. My last job almost ruined me. I was there for about 3 years, it was incredibly stressful and a dog eat dog environment (not my thing at all!), mixed with a bad economy and 900+ layoffs. I spent the last 1.5 years there with extreme anxiety suffering from almost daily panic attacks, and my mental and physical health took a major nosedive. It also made me question my future in HR and if this is the right career for me. I went into HR because I wanted to help people, but it seems like all I do is help to legally hurt people. I ended up finding a new job, still HR, but a different industry, and I started in April 2016. It's a maternity leave cover so it's only 15 months, which at the time I thought I was perfect because it will give me some time to do what I know but also give me a kick in the butt in June 2017 to really decide what I want to do with my life.
It started out ok, but within a month turned extremely stressful. It's a small team and I'm the only one with very diverse HR experience so most of the projects and major tasks fall on my plate. The organization is in a constant state of change and due to the amount of projects I have been on, I have been the main person who has been dealing with all of this change. Right now I have 26 projects on the go in addition to my regular day to day job. I have tried to explain why this is unreasonable, but because we're a smaller team with some limited skillsets, I have no choice other than to just do it. I'm running on empty.
Now, 9 months in, the anxiety is creeping in again, but this time it feels almost worse. I don't have the same awful physical symptoms that I was dealing with before, this time it's more mental. Lately it's been worse than ever with days where I've gone home from work and can't even move because I'm so mentally and physically exhausted. I have a constant headache, my entire body hurts from being tense from the stress. I can't relax, I feel like I'm a mess and people who are close to me are worried that I'm going to end up having some kind of breakdown. On Sunday out of nowhere I did have a sort of meltdown and my husband almost took me to the ER, he didn't know what else to do. I saw my family doctor and he thinks I'm under extreme stress and won't get better unless I mitigate those stressors. We all know it's my job, but I've been under so much work stress now for 3 years that I don't think it's so easy to just "get over it" anymore.
We are a small team - my director, myself, another person at my level, let's call her Judy, and two administrators. The lady who I am covering for is returning from her maternity leave in June, which should have left me without a job (which I have planned for and am ok with!), but it looks like that is changing now - My director is planning on letting Judy go so that I can be on the team permanently. She has been trying over the past two months to get Judy to quit on her own by giving her tasks she knows she can't complete, and doing various things to make her want to leave. Since that hasn't worked, my director has finally gotten approval from our VP to let Judy go in order to keep me.
As much as I hate what they are doing to Judy, I'm flattered that they want to keep me that badly, however I still have some major reservations about it. After what happened on Sunday, my husband wants me to quit right away. He thinks that the stress of this position is too much and not worth it anymore. In addition to work stress, one of our dogs is very sick and this is my "heart dog", I've had her since I was 21 (33 now) and it's always just been me and her. I'm trying to keep it all together but my heart is breaking.
I keep weighing up the pros and cons but I feel like I'm getting nowhere...
Pros:
- Great benefits: free parking, no dress code, flexible hours, 5 weeks vacation, nice offices... things that are hard to find around here
- I get along with my director and could learn a lot from her
- Permanent job
- If HR is something I want to do longterm, then this is a great opportunity
- The new offer is pretty attractive financially
Cons:
- Effects on my health
- Stress levels, pressures, and projects have been increasing
- I'm not sure if this is even what I want longterm. I have no passion in what I'm doing, and I feel as though I'm going through the motions
- The way that they are chosing to do this concerns me.. they are firing someone to keep me, and not only does that feel wrong to me morally, it worries me that they will expect even more from me once she's gone because of what they did to keep me
- My director admitted to me about a month ago that they are aware that they have "used me"... they know I'm underpaid and overworked for what's on my plate. Everyone works 8:30am-4pm, but I'm so busy that I'm working 6am-4:30pm (when the office closes), and then doing work from home.
And the big question, If I quit, what if I hate not working?! What If I can't find something that suits me?! How will I handle not making my own money for a while?! My husband has a well paying job and we would be fine financially, but I have been working full time since I was 18 years old, I don't know anything different. What would I do with my life?! The economy is bad right now and it won't be easy to find another job. I also feel as though I need to be picky right now so that I don't end up in the same situation that I have been in for the past 3 years.
I'm not looking for someone to make this decision for me, I know that's all me, but I'm really hoping to find someone who has been through something similar and what they did and what helped them to come to the decision that they made. Any advice/support is greatly appreciated!