Lessons Learned from Watching TV

LADC_chick

African violet
Dec 13, 2009
5,545
3
The District
The title is self-explanatory. What things have you learned by watching television?

Here are few lessons I've taken with me:

1. All bombs can be diffused in about 59 seconds.
2. You can work for a rogue spy agency and always be one step ahead of them.
3. If you live in Northeast of the US, you can get to New Jersey, Canada, and DC in about an hour no matter where your starting point is (the new Nikita, which is making me wonder if Division is located in Delaware or something).
4. All computer font sizes are 18+
5. If you're a female spy, all you have to do is wear a wig and you've got a new identity (Alias!)

Those are all I can think of right now.
 

r15324

Dismembered
O.G.
Nov 23, 2009
9,685
18
Australia
Some things I've learnt...

1. When the ugly, loner girl takes off her glasses, she becomes super-beautiful
2. You should always check to make sure that the bad guy is dead, because s/he usually isn't
3. If there is a zombie apocalypse, you want to get on a boat, or head to Alaska
4. All Asian people are martial artists
5. The best way to kill a zombie is to shoot it in the head
6. Animated dolls are indestructible
7. You should always loop the surveillance camera feed
8. The better looking you are, the better fighter you are
 

CaliQT

Member
Nov 12, 2010
596
0
A cop has to be kicked off the force before he can solve the big crimes.

When driving, make sure to look at your passenger and just glance at the road every now and then.

If you come across any white powdery substance, always dip your finger into it and taste it. You will instantly know what it is.

All crime labs return dna results within minutes.

Once a criminal is arrested, they will confess and explain exactly how and why they commited the crime.
 
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aimtree

O.G.
Mar 10, 2008
2,242
1
london uk
1. You have to kill an evil/crazy person at least twice
2. Any one who "works late" is having an affair
3. You can get peoples finger prints, hair, DNA easily and analyse them and run agaisnt a criminal database all in about one hour.
4. Any missing money is normaly going to a long lost love child's trust fund
5. Any couple who are too happy, something bad is going to happen
6. any weird noise you hear is probably some one breaking in
7. pets always behave themselves and act in a charming way
8. Kids appear older/wiser than their years
9. high heels don't hurt when you run in them
10. make up stays on all day
11. no one needs bathroom breaks
13. When they do take bathrrom breaks no one actually goes to the bathroom, it's always an excuse to talk in private or have a confrontation.
 

GhstDreamer

Lady Philosophy
Authenticator
O.G.
May 13, 2008
14,532
1,538
Near carnage alley
Lessons "learned" from American tv shows:

1. Most Asians can only speak in broken English and are illegals.
2. All Mexicans are illegals.
3. Most Italians have direct ties to the mafia.
4. One can dig a perfect rectangular grave in minutes with a small shovel.
5. It always comes down to choosing between the red or the blue wire.
6. All cops have stalkers or people with personal vendettas against them.
7. One can drive across the US in a couple of days.
8. The studious college student is always the one with the most secrets or has an alternate life/personality at night.
9. Women wear a lot of make up when injured/sick on the hospital bed.
 

GirlFriday

Member
Mar 30, 2008
4,112
0
- People can talk about government classified material in the most unsecure areas.
- People rarely use the restroom or clean up after sex.
- 95% of the population uses an apple computer.
- Every phone number begins with 555
- When you're in a fight, you can get beat to a pulp or shot in the arm or leg and have minimal bruising and soreness afterward, and you heal very quickly.
- You can have a huge apartment in Manhattan on an average income.
 

MM83

Member
Mar 14, 2009
1,716
0
-Never wear a wife beater or go shirtless if you're a man, ESPECIALLY while driving, it's a sure sign you're getting arrested.
 

coco13

Guest
Jul 28, 2006
525
1
Excellent thread...

-If you land on the island in 'Lost' you will never need to wax your legs/underarms etc.
-If you need information there will never be a problem logging on or getting wireless.
-People can go away with a small bag yet produce different, and totally appropriate, outfits all the time.
-You can knock someone out by putting your arm around their neck and they will magically come round in 5 minutes.
 

NagaJolokia

Living Hard
Nov 25, 2008
5,907
5
In White Noise and on Whitewater
-If you're the bad guy shooting, you will miss the good main guy no matter how many rounds you shoot at him and how clear the shots are.
-If you're the good main guy and are in a life or death situation, you will be saved at the very, very last minute.
-The only person that can beat an Asian martial artist in combat is a white main person.
-Women are allowed to slap men across their faces and get away with it no problem.
-If someone's friend or family member goes missing all of a sudden, they will say something along the lines of "[Insert name], this isn't funny! Will you please stop playing around?!" no matter what the missing person's personality or character was like.
 
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peace43

O.G.
Nov 22, 2006
5,935
25
USA
Hilarious thread!

When a TV character walks into their house, they never lock their front door! (I'm surprised they never get robbed.)

The characters never take off their shoes inside their homes.

They also never go to the bathroom ever!

Jury trials start about 20 minutes after a crime has occurred.

The trials only take one hour to come to a verdict instead of days, weeks or months later. (The defendants probably save a lot of money on lawyer fees since it's such a short trial!)

Every real life car chase HAS to be broadcast by your local news channel as breaking news! (It's an L.A. thing!)

Some TV show babies go from being an infant to 5 years old in just one TV season.
 
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peace43

O.G.
Nov 22, 2006
5,935
25
USA
Female cops never carry purses.

Female cops wear high heels or skirts (Psych - Juliet) - very impratical when chasing the bad guys!

Meet me for dinner later.....but the character never gives the time and location.

When the character falls into water, 5 minutes later, he or she are completely dry.

Wrapped presents/gifts - on TV shows the box lid and bottom of the box are wrapped separately so that you just lift the lid off the box. Where's the torn wrapping paper that most people have to throw away?
 
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Jahpson

O.G.
Aug 26, 2007
36,151
53
The Playground
Never date your friend's old boyfriend.

Never yell fire in a retirement home

lock your doors when you live next to a pesky neighbor

ask around before you sell an item at a garage sale.