Lady Vee's guide to total public humiliation

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Lady Vee

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Aug 8, 2008
910
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England
Well, I have just returned from a very important meeting where I needed to make a great impression and feel you may as well have a laugh at my expense.

Visually it was far more amusing than I can describe (for everyone except me that is), and unfortunately no-one had a video camera so I can show you. Please try to visualise as much as possible so as to cause the most amount of amusement

The guide is really very simple.

1) Buy a pair of C'est Mois boots
2) Wear them to a very important meeting - particularly one where you need to make a very good impression and there are many people present
3) Cross your legs for an hour during said meeting
4) Make a great impression, hold the room transfixed and end the meeting
5) Stand up
6) In full view of everyone watch in horror as your leg uncontrollably starts to wobble violently all over the place and your body compensates by doing the same thing in the opposite direction. Make sure it looks very similar to someone having a particularly violent epileptic fit, standing up.
7) Continue to do this against your will for 2 to 3 minutes minimum
7a) During this time be brutally aware your ankle may snap at any moment
8) Sit down, rub your leg to stop the numbness, clock everyones faces desperately trying to not start crying with laughter.
9) Collect yourself, stand, walk out of meeting walking like a one legged retard on acid whilst trying to remain dignifed and respectful.
10) Be fully aware everyone thinks although you can afford nice shoes you are totally unable to walk in heels and are a prat.
11) Go from this :supacool:...to this :wacko:...to this :nuts:.....to this :shame: then leave.

I consider it my good deed for the day as I am fully aware the minute I left the building the whole place nearly collapsed as all those in the meeting fell about laughing/ weeping with amusement/ rolling about in fits of hilarity, and probably haven't got up yet.

The moral of this story:

Don't let your leg go numb when wearing 5 inch heels and trying to be important. If you do have to do this, do it in private not in a room full of people. Also be aware that the C'est Mois boot is in fact a secret assassin trying to kill you :ninja:.

Having once rejoiced at the brilliant comfort of this shoe, I have now worn them out 3 times and each time I practically stacked it and broke my neck with no prior warning.

And now the not so amusing, fact based part:

I now know why - having studied them, still red with shame- the toe of the shoe never actually touches the floor, hence when you naturally move as you walk there is a moment when the heel leaves the floor, your arch moves forward and there is literally nothing that has contact with the floor. You then feel like you are going to fall over forwards, in fact you then grip anyone or anything that is near you as you are going to fall forwards.

If you look at the boot - any ladies that have a pair - look at the line from heel to toe - it needs a good half inch extra in the platform at the toe.

So, how the hell do you all walk in them? I am a 5" heel veteran. I've never had this happen before. Mine are on a mission to maim me that won't end until I am in casualty with breaks to all my major leg bones and mangled ankles. They want me dead or at the least, publicly humiliated.

I have evil CL's :wtf: How can that be?????
Hope it made some of you laugh at least :tup:
I'm logging off now to relive the full horror of it repeatedly whilst drinking copious glasses of wine :Push:
 
Mar 5, 2008
20,637
12
Aw, Lady Vee, while I am so sorry this happened to you, I have to admit you always make me laugh! I hope your lovely C'est Moi get easier with practice.
 

tuvili

Member
Oct 10, 2008
557
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*hug*

Wow. I broke myself of the habit of crossing my legs last year when I realized that it was bad for my circulation. I will NEVER do it again, now!

*hug*
 

**shoelover**

Over the Rainbow
O.G.
Aug 19, 2008
3,454
16
:amazed::amuse: damn those cest mois! how could they show u up VEE....u wanna stern word with those booties!.
 

LavenderIce

Vintage CLs please
O.G.
Dec 19, 2006
11,881
1,449
Oh, my goodness Lady Vee, the title alone is amusing enough, but to read the entire story, you're such a gas! Thanks for sharing your story. Don't let the assassins get the best of you.
 

cllover

Member
Aug 4, 2008
2,285
0
writing prison
LOL those C'est Moi are evil! I have low blood sugar or something, but when I go try on CLs, I get all excited ooohing and aaaahing and my ankles tremble - so of course, I look like someone who doesn't know how to wear heels.
 
Nov 30, 2008
3,307
138
Under a Palm Tree
Sorry about your misfortune, but this part:
"In full view of everyone watch in horror as your leg uncontrollably starts to wobble violently all over the place and your body compensates by doing the same thing in the opposite direction. Make sure it looks very similar to someone having a particularly violent epileptic fit, standing up"

made me :roflmfao:
I dont have those booties so I cant understand the toe issue, however I loved the way you told the story!

Next step: wear your highest, sexiest heels to work when you see those people again to show off...in the proper manner. They'll forget all about your current episode! :P
 
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