Ladies I need some

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  1. input coach related, my sister in law just call and was telling me she is going through some hard time and I want to help her out she didn't ask for my help because I feel its the right thing to do but with school approaching and my daugther will be going to pre k i really can't do much. so I just got my saddle peyton and the atlantic peyton is in the process of shipping should I return them to help her out, part of me want to and part of me don't, I am not selfish by no mean but I bought the saddle peyton for my anniversary which is thursday and the atlantic for my bday which is in two weeks. What should I do? I LOVE the peyton and don't want to part with them.
     
  2. That is very kind of you. What if you return 1 and keep the other.
     
  3. Very thoughtful of you to want to help out. i'm sorry she is going thru a rough patch. If you feel strongly about helping her out monetary wise, why don't you choose one to return? Sometimes just being a shoulder for someone helps out enormously...
     
  4. That is very thoughtful of you to want to help your family. Why not make the Peyton a combination gift and return the one you like the least?
     
  5. ITA with the pp's...however my sister would be mortified if I tried to give her money no matter how much she might need it (yes, it has happened to me and my sister) ....you should definately talk to her about it...it might actually hurt her feelings if she knew what you would do to help her...might make her feel worse about her own situation...but you are a sweetheart regardless!
     
  6. I agree. If you want to help out monetarily, you could return one bag (as PPs have suggested), but sometimes, supporting in other ways can be effective, as well (i.e. watching her children--if she has any, listening to her, running a few of her errands, inviting her over for a few meals, etc.).

    You are very kind--good luck!
     
  7. #7 Aug 12, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2008
    well if I return one it wouldn't be enough, she needs $1500
    she need grocerys, her car insurance is going to be canceled and she has two small kids also that why I feel the need to help
     
  8. if you know she would accept you helping out monetarily, then return the bags. However, if there is any doubt that she would accept your $ then I would ask her first if she would like the help before you go through the hassle of returning the bags. Or maybe you could bring her some groceries to help out some so she could focus on the car insurance? But most of all, I wouldn't go around with your 2 new bags... I know I would pissed if I was hurting in the pocket and my sis came around with 2 expensive bags hanging off her arm! Good luck to your sis.
     
  9. Family is family and sometimes they/we just need help. However you should ask yourself first if this is something that happens often with her. If it does, throwing your money at her problems just "enables" her to make the same mistakes again and again. KWIM?
    You should also ask yourself these questions:
    Have you loaned her money before? How did that work out?
    What your expections of the $1500, will she repay you, etc?

    If you think this is a freak situation and she just got herself into trouble and she needs some help this one time, I think that situation is different. Only you can be the judge of which is happening.

    Speaking from experience, people that aren't good with money or constantly have money problems don't learn how to manage money when they are always being bailed out by someone with money. I am not saying that is happening her, just sort of something that came to mind when I read your thread.
     
  10. Oh wow, I'm so sorry!! This is a tough one because I tend to be like you and usually jump to try to help someone. We've helped out DH's nephew and family a lot by giving money and some other items. I always believe that people are more important than personal possessions, but then after having "been there and done that", I can't discount what Selketkrb wrote! This happened in the case with the nephew...the more the family gives to him (and he has a wife and step daughter), the more they burn through it and are right back at square one. They've really become a drain on his parents (my S-I-L), and one time I was there she was crying about it because she was so worried. I felt SO bad for her!!! She kind of "hinted" that I should sell my bag collection to help them out, and I admit I felt like a jerk bringing in outlet purchases too. Honestly, part of me wanted to jump and sell my entire collection...but the reality is the more they get "rescued", the more of a drain they are going to become because they have consistently shown that. So why should we all suffer?? Thus the entire family has backed off a bit. What's REALLY difficult is the kid that's involved...nobody wants her to suffer even though her mom and step dad don't have their act together. It's definitely true we can ALL run into hard times, and that's one reason why I always want to help someone.

    I can't really tell you what I would do here except again I'll refer to selketkrb's post and ask you to assess the situation here... If this is the first time, that's one thing, and if it's a repeat thing, then I would consider doing something light that you can afford without sacrificing too much for yourself. It's definitely important to have food, but if you buy bulk items at places like Costco, then it will last longer and be cheaper. How much is her car insurance?? Maybe you can just pay for one or two installments to get her by for now. It's true if you don't have a car, it may be hard to work, etc. At least here in NJ, you could also get your registration cancelled if you don't have insurance. But then again, maybe she could take public transportation a while if that's cheaper for her....IDK! As for the kids, I don't know how old they are and what they need, but I would try to really slim down the cost and at least keep one bag for yourself. Can you not ask other family members to also contribute?? Even 3-4 people together can greatly reduce what you have to give!

    Honestly... it really just depends on how strongly you feel...and what the situation is. If you really need to return the Peytons, then just remember that there will be other bags, or if you want these badly enough, maybe there are some you could Ebay??

    I'm really sorry, I totally stink at providing advice here. I know you're between a rock and hard place, and this is awful because you just want to enjoy your own anniversary and b-day too!! Happy, happy, by the way!!! I hope you can work something out where you will ALL feel good about it!! Good luck!!
     
  11. ITA w/ the above, but I didn't get the feeling from the original post that this was an ongoing situation. With the economy the way it is right now, there are families that have never had money worries, in serious trouble right now. I think groceries, utilities and insurance are basic necessities and it sounds like you do really want to help. If it were me, I'd pick my favorite of the two bags, return the other and help out my family. If you know what she needs in the way of groceries, hit Costco and deliver them to her house w/ an offer of more assistance - hey, you might even want to cook dinner for her family - your sis is probably pretty stressed out by now! Or, you can always get gift cards for groceries as wel.