I think it depends on what you say. Everyone will be react the same to what someone says about them. One may think it is harmless or insensitive or being judgment. It depends.
Judging the judgmental...frustrated at lack of tolerance and acceptance...am I alone?
- Thread starter twinkle.tink
- Start date
I think it depends on what you say. Everyone will be react the same to what someone says about them. One may think it is harmless or insensitive or being judgment. It depends.
I think that society is turning us against each other. Reality TV is all about judgements, talk radio is all about judgements, American Idol etc.... You have to have to look for a distinctive medium to find an objective opinion.
Remember when people talked face to face and respect for the other person was always the first expectation. The internet has changed so much, we are all anonymous and can disappear at any moment, people just don't care anymore and it spills over into everyday life.
I work in healthcare and people used to be respectful in hospitals, now you would think you were at the Jerry Springer show instead of a patient room. I just don't get it.
Remember when people talked face to face and respect for the other person was always the first expectation. The internet has changed so much, we are all anonymous and can disappear at any moment, people just don't care anymore and it spills over into everyday life.
I work in healthcare and people used to be respectful in hospitals, now you would think you were at the Jerry Springer show instead of a patient room. I just don't get it.
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Over the past years, you see the evil in it and the wrath of Mother Nature. Most young people are influenced by the crap that is on TV. They believe what they see and hear and it is so sad. They are letting their minds become invaded and they are puppets. I do not let it invade my life or take over my mind. I have always had compassion in my heart and would stand up for what is right. People have turned away from God (not getting religious or anything) and what they are truly meant to be. I have not given up hope.
I am sorry to say that the reason is greed. Rich men who want more money.
So they appeal to ignorance, they appeal to fear, they say, ohh, the Whosits are evil and they want to do bad things to us, so we had better go do some really bad things to them first.
And of course, the winner is the dude who sells the weapons, and the company that makes the weapons, because they can sell them to both sides!
It is not new, it has been that way since cave days, when Ugg the maker of fine axes got the nifty idea that if he could get a fight started between Tribe A and Tribe B...
So the people who do the terrible things do it because they believe something that is not true, but they believe it as if it were something beautiful and good, they trust the people who tell them all about how bad the other side is.
This is why I say that the only way we can possibly fight back is through the most basic Resistance of all - just say it stops with me.
Because once they can get it going, they can keep it going for generations, because we want to avenge our fathers, and then our sons will want to avenge us, and we are not receiving a benefit from that! We are harming our own hearts with it, we are sending our sons to their own deaths with it!
But if we can say, no matter what his father did to mine, I will not kill him. I will not hate him, and I will not teach my sons to hate his sons. It stops with me - if enough of us will say that, even if we have to say it and get out of town, we will be getting out with our families and our lives and our souls, and then if we can keep doing it in the new town, when somebody comes and says this or that (that by now we know just means "rich men want more money") it will be a little easier, and if we are lucky, maybe somebody else will get to know us and say, you know what? It stops with me, too. Or maybe not, but either way, if we can keep hate out of our own hearts, and blood off our own hands, if we can really make it stop with us, then whatever happens, we win.
WE do. It is there, it just gets covered up with rage, (sadness on steroids) because the things that are done hurt us so much, that a whole lot of us, including a lot of our innate capacities get mushed down in that hurt like a splinter in an infected finger, but if we will take care of the finger, and get the splinter out and put peroxide on it, and keep it out of mud, of course it can never be the same as before, but it will get well enough for us to use it, well enough to be a finger.
It might take me longer than you, you might have different innate capacities smushed down in you than I do, but we can all get back that capacity to say I will not be a part of it, I will not perpetuate it, it stops with me, and there is such power in that, that is the power that WE have, and I believe it is stronger than hatred or even greed.
Of course, you can only say it for yourself, because you are the only person you can control, you can say envyme will not be part of it, and just hope that other people will say it too, and every day, there are people who do, maybe far away from you, maybe close by, but it happens, and you can do it, and it is your best chance for getting back as much of yourself as you possibly can, and that is better than vengeance, because vengeance goes on and on, in that cycle, and triumph happens once.
I know I am oversimplifying, but I think you understand anyway.
Well, my irritation reached a whole new level this weekend...
My 14 year old son had an acquaintance stop by yesterday...not really a friend, but he's been here a few times....
The boys were all playing in the family room, which is off the kitchen so I was in and out of the room. Each time I walked in the kid was judging someone or something. I bit my tongue each time, but finally my husband came up and said to me, "does that kid have anything nice to say about anyone?"...I said, "I know, I was noticing that too...I remember it was the same last time he was here...I can't remember what but there was something fairly serious last time, that I finally said something about...."
DH said, "I remember. He said something about Robert (one of my son's friends) being Mormon and how stupid it was."
Light bulb, that's right...DH and I looked at each other and shook our heads...DH said, "KXXX can understand, but I don't want CXXXXX (our 8 year old) around that."...and he was 100% right...I went in there and said, "OK boys, time for TXXX to go home, we have some chores to do.
I felt bad kicking the kid out, but my husband was right, my kids just don't need to be exposed to that...we sat them both down and talked to them about it as well.
My 14 year old son had an acquaintance stop by yesterday...not really a friend, but he's been here a few times....
The boys were all playing in the family room, which is off the kitchen so I was in and out of the room. Each time I walked in the kid was judging someone or something. I bit my tongue each time, but finally my husband came up and said to me, "does that kid have anything nice to say about anyone?"...I said, "I know, I was noticing that too...I remember it was the same last time he was here...I can't remember what but there was something fairly serious last time, that I finally said something about...."
DH said, "I remember. He said something about Robert (one of my son's friends) being Mormon and how stupid it was."
Light bulb, that's right...DH and I looked at each other and shook our heads...DH said, "KXXX can understand, but I don't want CXXXXX (our 8 year old) around that."...and he was 100% right...I went in there and said, "OK boys, time for TXXX to go home, we have some chores to do.
I felt bad kicking the kid out, but my husband was right, my kids just don't need to be exposed to that...we sat them both down and talked to them about it as well.
gosh...that's so sad...but you did the right thing by talking to your kid...that was a good thing to do
I feel sorry for that kid. He most likely learned it from his parents, and that doesn't sound like a pleasant environment to live in. You definitely did the right thing.
This story reminds me of an incident a few years ago where I was babysitting a coworker's 10 year old son. We had gone to the supermarket and when we got home he started railing on this Mexican man we had seen.
I was very confused as I hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary but the kid was saying this man was a thief, etc.
When his parents got home, I told my friend what he had said and that it was so strange, etc.
His dad chimed in that his son's bike had been stolen and suggested that a Mexican had taken it.
My friend was embarrassed but clearly she was not going to step in and clarify any points.
Some judgment, racism and bigotry are proudly handed down to children.
I felt bad for the boy because he did not even know why he was so angry-- he was just spouting what his father had instilled in him.
I was very confused as I hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary but the kid was saying this man was a thief, etc.
When his parents got home, I told my friend what he had said and that it was so strange, etc.
His dad chimed in that his son's bike had been stolen and suggested that a Mexican had taken it.
My friend was embarrassed but clearly she was not going to step in and clarify any points.
Some judgment, racism and bigotry are proudly handed down to children.
I felt bad for the boy because he did not even know why he was so angry-- he was just spouting what his father had instilled in him.
Twinkle,
This is a hard problem to tackle because sooo many people are judgemental in some way... I guess everyone is to an extend, it just depends on how they throw their opinions out to everyone else to live their lives...
I come from a very rigid stricked background. A good number of my family members, especially the older ones are very judgemental. They find fault with everyone and anyone that does not share their views, lifestyles, ect..
Now my son married a girl and her family is the exact same way..
In my family and my DIL's family it is religion based that causes most of their judgements....
Thankfully I escaped (
) for lack of a better term the genetic point of view so many of them have, BUT at times I do find myself perhaps looking down at a homeless person or something similar and once I give myself a minute, and know that it could my MY SON, MY BROTHER, and thank God that it's not, I feel so ashamed of myself....:shame:
I think Twinkle, you can only stay true to yourself. I know what a kind and giving person you are.
People who judge and are mean to others, in the end, they lose out. They lose knowing dear people that could have met, they lose the learning experience of a different culture, they live in a bitter place and they in the end are hurt the most.
So as I do, when I can I try to feel compassion for them too .... it's better than anger.
This is a hard problem to tackle because sooo many people are judgemental in some way... I guess everyone is to an extend, it just depends on how they throw their opinions out to everyone else to live their lives...
I come from a very rigid stricked background. A good number of my family members, especially the older ones are very judgemental. They find fault with everyone and anyone that does not share their views, lifestyles, ect..
Now my son married a girl and her family is the exact same way..
In my family and my DIL's family it is religion based that causes most of their judgements....
Thankfully I escaped (
) for lack of a better term the genetic point of view so many of them have, BUT at times I do find myself perhaps looking down at a homeless person or something similar and once I give myself a minute, and know that it could my MY SON, MY BROTHER, and thank God that it's not, I feel so ashamed of myself....:shame:I think Twinkle, you can only stay true to yourself. I know what a kind and giving person you are.
People who judge and are mean to others, in the end, they lose out. They lose knowing dear people that could have met, they lose the learning experience of a different culture, they live in a bitter place and they in the end are hurt the most.
So as I do, when I can I try to feel compassion for them too .... it's better than anger.
Very, very interesting thread.
Twinkle and Shimma - very good points made by both of you!
Unfortunately, (in my opinion) we have a person like Dr. Laura, who spouts off that we all SHOULD judge others, and condemn them when they behave in ways that SHE does not approve.
I truly dislike her. Notice, I did not say that I hate her.
Twinkle and Shimma - very good points made by both of you!
Unfortunately, (in my opinion) we have a person like Dr. Laura, who spouts off that we all SHOULD judge others, and condemn them when they behave in ways that SHE does not approve.
I truly dislike her. Notice, I did not say that I hate her.