Judging the judgmental...frustrated at lack of tolerance and acceptance...am I alone?

[twinkle.tink]

I still feel people will be judgmental no matter what...it's an evolutionary trait...examine the situation and respond accordingly...people just get a little too out of hand with it sometimes.

This is true...and I know I am guilty...especially when it affects people I care about....

I freely admit, I am judgmental of my BIL and SIL...their kids are terrors and it breaks my heart. Not only because I care about the kids themselves, but about my in laws (who are the sweetest, most giving people), and they allow their children to not only disrespect them, but be down right rude.

But, I do try and keep my mind open and mouth shut, as much as possible.

 

[twinkle.tink]

Mary - just remember that you have way more integrity and character than those kind of people. They really aren't worth the aggravation babe. I know it's hard but try to ignore the morons.

Thanks Shu

 

[PinkSuadeSoho]

Insecurity has a lot to do with it.

 

[twinkle.tink]

ok...i understand and everything makes sense (both bagnshoo and emmalawyer)...i think it boils down to being contentious and courteous. People are entitled to their own opinions...and they have a right to express them but I think it should be done in a non malicious manner.

That depends...I don't think every person does have a right to judge and express an opinion on any random person.....

Let's take something easy....clothing....OK, it might be a world wide past time to critic celebrities clothing and have a giggle and say they are in the public eye...but what about those not in the public eye...how does one justify judging the average joe or jane on the street based on their clothing (or any part of their appearance for that matter)...how can be anything but malicious? It has no factual basis...you may think what they are wearing is hideous...but that is an opinion, there is no way to say that, that can be constructive. Now, if someone asks you what do you think...of course, you may tell them...after all they asked...you should still be tactfull, of course

What about lifestyle choices? I will put myself out there....I collect and 'play' with dolls. I am sure many people IRL and online judge me for it...what a waste of time and money...do they have a right to judge me for that? It in no way affects them or anyone else....it is my time and my money...any negative comment is not going to change what I do...what but malicious can any judgment be?

 

[envyme]

^^^

What about our handbag obsession? My PFers and my SO are the only ones that know that I would easily spend over a grand for a Chanel bag. I try not to wear certain thing to certain places. Sometimes I say "screw it", its my money and I'll treat myself with whatever tickles my fancy. But sometimes the look and comments that I get (mainly from my family) takes the joy out it...

I can not stand it when someone that is giving you "the look" asks "how much did you pay for that?" I think it is so rude and embarrassing. I don't ask that of others...

I also think that people can show that they are judging others by the way that they look at others. You know "the look" that I am talking about. Right?

 

[Jprojectrunway]

I totally understand where you're coming from!

My new motto is:
Judging others doesn't define them, it defines you.

I hate when I see people judging others-esp. when they don't know them,
or just look at them, etc. I've become intolerant to those people as well...

 

[illinirdhd]

Interesting thread!

I think that in a way, it's natural or "human" to judge and to stereotype people. But like many other things, judgment and stereotyping can be useful, or malicious and hurtful. We judge and stereotype all the time to describe something or someone. But there is a huge difference (and, ironically, sometimes just a fine line) between useful description and malicious judgment.

For example, if I were to see a man in an Armani suit, wearing a Rolex, carrying a nice briefcase and wearing expensive shoes walking through a parking lot, I would probably think to myself "I bet he's walking toward that Mercedes, not the Yugo." No harm done - on the surface, that's just putting someone into a category in your mind - it isn't a judgment made with malicious intent or motive. It's much like labeling the "woman with the red shoes" or the "blonde". It's a description more than a stereotype or a judgment.

But if I were to say that "I hate lawyers because they cheat on their wives and overbill their clients," that would be an example of a broad and malicious generalization, that is neither useful nor true. We're all guilty of that at some time or other; but many of us try to keep those thoughts at bay.

It's funny, but as our society becomes more and more diverse, it seems to become less and less tolerant. I wonder why that is? Why do we care so much about what other people are doing?

 

[twinkle.tink]

^^^

What about our handbag obsession? My PFers and my SO are the only ones that know that I would easily spend over a grand for a Chanel bag. I try not to wear certain thing to certain places. Sometimes I say "screw it", its my money and I'll treat myself with whatever tickles my fancy. But sometimes the look and comments that I get (mainly from my family) takes the joy out it...

I can not stand it when someone that is giving you "the look" asks "how much did you pay for that?" I think it is so rude and embarrassing. I don't ask that of others...

I also think that people can show that they are judging others by the way that they look at others. You know "the look" that I am talking about. Right?

Exactly!

My new motto is:
Judging others doesn't define them, it defines you.

Love this!

It's funny, but as our society becomes more and more diverse, it seems to become less and less tolerant. I wonder why that is? Why do we care so much about what other people are doing?

...I can't figure it out.

 

[rubylola]

Great question Twinkle.

I think we can all rein in our baser instinct to be past-remarkable, and we will all become better versions of ourselves if we do so.

It is too easy to judge someone, based on their appearance/ what they post/ what they may have done etc, etc, etc. But it is surely better to try to stop yourself in the process of this judgement and rise above it- to become more gentle and understanding.

I personally react to posts that are judgmental of others, but, in reality that is just perpetuating the judgmentalism, so I personally have to try to stop reacting to it.

 

[twinkle.tink]

You know I just remembered someone posting last week or the week before...what was the last compliment you received?

It struck me at that time, how easy to be positive and make someone's day...rather than focusing on the negative. I do try and do that...but made a real effort for a few days after that thread...got to get back to that!

 

[ShimmaPuff]

...sheer ignorance ...willful misunderstanding...

Sheer ignorance we can help. Willful misunderstanding, unfortunately, we can't.
And in this age of google, we don't see much sheer ignorance.

Sometimes, willful ignorance is belief-based. In fact, a lot of times. And we can't know how much that person may need that belief. They may need it more than they need facts, or truth.

So unless I am 100% sure that even attempting to put them through such a painful process would effect outcome, events set in motion long ago, I am not sure it would even be humane to try to wrest that belief from them, cast doubt on it, because it is their need, it gives them comfort, and no facts or truth I have to tell can replace that.

...yesterday I learned something about myself that was not pleasant...

Funny you should say that, because today I learned some pretty cool things about you.
You took a big step of a very important journey, and went one better and were brave enough to share it, and I can promise you somebody is going to be Inspired to put out their own toe and take a step, too!

I HATE Adolf Hitler. I HATE the rebels in Sierra Leone that killed many of my family members and that amputated and raped many Sierra Leoneans. My HATE for these people are not rooted in bigotry.

envyme, I stand in awe of your courage.

As someone who does not have that kind of courage, I can only ask you to trust me that I am not just talking out of my ass when I say this, the most terrible thing about what happened to you is how many other times and places it has happened, and still is happening. This resource is, of course, woefully incomplete.

I hope that there are much better ones, though hate has become so commonplace that maybe we have just given up even trying to chronicle even one very narrowly defined manifestation of it.

http://www.genocidewatch.org/genocidetable2005.htm

The only chance of survival we have, that human beings have, is to stop it. I admit it's not a guarantee, nor even much of a chance. It is, however, what we've got. The single item on the menu.

The hardest thing any of us will ever do is also the best thing any of us could ever do, and that is to say, "It stops with me."

 

[envyme]

Sheer ignorance we can help. Willful misunderstanding, unfortunately, we can't.
And in this age of google, we don't see much sheer ignorance.

Sometimes, willful ignorance is belief-based. In fact, a lot of times. And we can't know how much that person may need that belief. They may need it more than they need facts, or truth.

So unless I am 100% sure that even attempting to put them through such a painful process would effect outcome, events set in motion long ago, I am not sure it would even be humane to try to wrest that belief from them, cast doubt on it, because it is their need, it gives them comfort, and no facts or truth I have to tell can replace that.


Funny you should say that, because today I learned some pretty cool things about you.
You took a big step of a very important journey, and went one better and were brave enough to share it, and I can promise you somebody is going to be Inspired to put out their own toe and take a step, too!


envyme, I stand in awe of your courage.

As someone who does not have that kind of courage, I can only ask you to trust me that I am not just talking out of my ass when I say this, the most terrible thing about what happened to you is how many other times and places it has happened, and still is happening. This resource is, of course, woefully incomplete.

I hope that there are much better ones, though hate has become so commonplace that maybe we have just given up even trying to chronicle even one very narrowly defined manifestation of it.

http://www.genocidewatch.org/genocidetable2005.htm

The only chance of survival we have, that human beings have, is to stop it. I admit it's not a guarantee, nor even much of a chance. It is, however, what we've got. The single item on the menu.

The hardest thing any of us will ever do is also the best thing any of us could ever do, and that is to say, "It stops with me."

Shimma, I really do not understand why these things happened and why they are still happening. I truly do not understand. What causes one group to JUDGE another group as inferior and thereby seek out to destroy them? Why? Where do they get the courage? Do they consider themselves righteous; fighting for a cause by eliminating others? Why do others allow them? I just do not understand.

 

[SunnyFreckles]

You know for me, I "say" that I can't stand people who judge.

Then I find myself doing it.

I believe that I am a constant work in progress, and for me this is one of my biggest struggles.

I find that if I surround myself with people who do not judge, I don't do it. But when I am with people who judge, find myself being more judgmental.

So sometimes I have to realize what is happening and break away. I just know that sometimes, that is too late.

 

[peach.]

Insecurity has a lot to do with it.

Yup. I just end up feeling sorry for those who judge (me); what led them to feel SO bothered and uncomfortable when they see something they don't approve of? And why even attach moral values on superficial things in the first place? I don't get it, either. It's not worth my time to get to know anyone who are quick to judge.

 

[lovinalotofbags]

I HATE Adolf Hitler. I HATE the rebels in Sierra Leone that killed many of my family members and that amputated and raped many Sierra Leoneans. My HATE for these people are not rooted in bigotry.

I was talking about how people judge people based on race, etc, that is bigotry which is intolerance. I was saying how the word is powerful. You can use whatever word you choose to use. Hitler had a hatred (hate) of certain people (intolerance, being judgmental).