is this acceptable behaviour?

#31
I'm sorry your SO is treating you this way. But his behavious is really NOT acceptable.

I once had a BF who treated me in a similar way. I put up with it for over 2 years. He would call me names (his particular favourite was "fat thighs") and a lot of other awful things.

I'm not saying you should dump your SO like I did. But please, at least have a good heart-2-heart discussion with him and tell him that the way he's treating you is bothering you. You never know, he might not realise he is hurting your feelings (unfortunately my ex totally got a kick out of putting me down).

I wish you all the best and hope all works out well. :flowers:
 
#32
No -- it is not acceptable.

A relationship is a partnership of equals.

If one member of the partnership treats the other as his/her inferior, the partnership cannot thrive.

As for the berating you for not fetching his coffee quickly enough, he is darn lucky you didn't dump it in his lap!
 
#33
thanks everyone for your input. your advice is much appreciated! well i have discussed this issue with him before, he tells me he is just kidding and its a joke.but he does get angry often whenever i dont do as he wishes. hence im a little confused. anyways, he has told me before that I need to learn to do all this as it is gd training before i have kids, but i feel all that will come naturally, i dont need training to be a gd mother in future.
 
#35
i'm confused. how does doing exactly what he wants you to when he tells you to good training for being a mother? that's more like good training for being a servant! are you supposed to do whatever your kids demand when they demand it? you're not their maid/slave either.
 
#36
iqaganda said:
he loves you! And he wanted you to know those stuffs because he cares about you!
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Uh....I'm going with a no on this one.

babydollqueen said:
thanks everyone for your input. your advice is much appreciated! well i have discussed this issue with him before, he tells me he is just kidding and its a joke.but he does get angry often whenever i dont do as he wishes. hence im a little confused. anyways, he has told me before that I need to learn to do all this as it is gd training before i have kids, but i feel all that will come naturally, i dont need training to be a gd mother in future.
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Read what you wrote and tell me if this is normal? Do your friends have bf/husbands like this? Your mother/sisters? Does anyone where have a partner like this?

So he's training you to be a mother? How does answering his demands help groom you to be a good mother? This guy sounds like he's full of $hit, and is trying to make excuses to appeal to your wanting to be a good mother. He sounds manipulative and he certainly seems to know what he's doing here. Does he tell you you can't go out alone or with your female friends or even try to limit your time with your family? Does he get mad when you talk to other men? Does he tell you what to wear, how to wear make up, or style your hair?
 
#37
babydollqueen said:
thanks everyone for your input. your advice is much appreciated! well i have discussed this issue with him before, he tells me he is just kidding and its a joke.but he does get angry often whenever i dont do as he wishes. hence im a little confused. anyways, he has told me before that I need to learn to do all this as it is gd training before i have kids, but i feel all that will come naturally, i dont need training to be a gd mother in future.
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JOM, but there is a HUGE red flag waving here. Joking around is one thing, my SO teases me all the time about various things, but being mean and belittling and calling it "a joke" is not the same thing as a little fun teasing.

What we he do if you made the same sort of "jokes" at his expense?

Sometimes the easiest way to tell if someone is being innapropriate is to switch speakers.

Imagine you saying the same thing to him. Or either you or him saying it to his father.
 
#38
Charles said:
Uh....I'm going with a no on this one.



Read what you wrote and tell me if this is normal? Do your friends have bf/husbands like this? Your mother/sisters? Does anyone where have a partner like this?

So he's training you to be a mother? How does answering his demands help groom you to be a good mother? This guy sounds like he's full of $hit, and is trying to make excuses to appeal to your wanting to be a good mother. He sounds manipulative and he certainly seems to know what he's doing here. Does he tell you you can't go out alone or with your female friends or even try to limit your time with your family? Does he get mad when you talk to other men? Does he tell you what to wear, how to wear make up, or style your hair?
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Yes i am aware that he is controlling, but somehow perhaps im trying so hard so as to be able to match up to his ex girlfriends, which could do all that for him as he says. well and to answer your question charles, no he is not demanding in other aspects, except for wanting me to do things for him. and this is enough to make me feel really bitter inside at times, i guess i have to make a decision soon.Thanks heaps for the advice, i am able to look at it from another angle now, and not see myself as being the spoiled brat that cant carry out any task without complaining.
 
#39
If you wanted to be dominated, go to an S&M club.

He's obviously not joking. If you did that to him, he would not put up with it for one second, so why is it okay for him to do it?

He says he's done that to former girlfriends. Um, there's a reason they're not with him anymore.

Does he tell you you can't go out alone or with your female friends or even try to limit your time with your family? Does he get mad when you talk to other men? Does he tell you what to wear, how to wear make up, or style your hair?

He's not doing those things now, but who's to say he won't in the future? What's the excuse he'll give then?

What he's doing is not okay. He doesn't need to 'train' you for anything. That's what parenting/babysitting classes are for.
(And last I checked, timed coffee runs are not part of the curriculum.)
 
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