Is it rude to buy your own big diamond ring?

sooyang

O.G.
Jun 11, 2007
258
173
I hope this doesn't sound weird :sweatdrop:

What I want and what my future fiance wants to get for an e-ring is different.
If I get a diamond ring, I want a genuine antique diamond ring. I find that the new "chunky" cut diamonds don't look like the early cut stones I fell in love with.

My bf is against using a "used"(and maybe cursed, lol and likely very yellow) diamond for an engagement ring. He also does not like the idea of me having another ring on my hand other than the e-ring he gets and our wedding band. :shocked: He is quite strong about his opinion on this.

I told him since it is supposed to be a gift and it is supposed to symbolize our love & commitment, I will be glad with any diamond ring he gives.

And he is not happy about this. Because he wants the e-ring to be perfect and he wants me to fall in love with it.

I don't know what to do??? :confused1:

Am I supposed to convince him to buy me an antique ring?
Or, am I supposed to tell him I reaaaaaally love another diamond shape he also likes????

If I just tell him I would just accept his heart & good intentions but no e-ring,
or ask to give me a simple diamond band, and I get the ring I love myself, is it rude?
I don't intend to tell people around me it is an engagement ring.
It will just be a ring I bought for myself.
If the design matters - the design I love looks like an e-ring but I guess I could choose a different setting.
Does it make a difference if I buy it before we get engaged or after?

It just sounds really silly to me that I can only have one ring and one ring only :biggrin:

I don't want to hurt my bf's feelings...
What do you think should I do?
 

ame

O.G.
Mar 22, 2007
13,467
654
It isn't rude to buy your own ring, but it sounds like you two have to work this out before you get engaged. You two need to compromise. Each of you has to give in on something, and this is the first of VERY many compromises you will make together.

Clearly he has an opinion on what he wants you to wear and what he feels the ring he buys should show the public, despite the fact that YOU WILL WEAR IT, not him. You two need to sit down and hash this out. It's the ring YOU WILL WEAR, not him. He needs to consider that. But you also need to hear out his reasons for why only perfect and new will do.
 

vhdos

Member
May 18, 2007
14,506
16
US
Marriage is about compromise. If you can't even come to a compromise on the ring, than maybe you have bigger concerns. It's my opinion that you will be wearing the ring for the rest of your life (theoretically) and therefore, your opinion on the ring should carry a lot of weight. Assuming that you are not asking for a ring that is not out of his/your budget, then the two of you should come to some sort of compromise. What about finding an antique piece of jewelry (that has a diamond in it that meets your specifications) and have it made into your ring? That way, you get the diamond you want and he gets to turn it into a "new" piece of jewelry.
 

ladyash

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Jun 5, 2010
5,147
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Canada
Can you compromise and have a ring made? That way it will be new but it would be styled in the era you like. You might even be able to find a diamond ring with a diamond you like, or see if it's possible to have one cut the way you like the antique rings.
I love antique too and if I ever had someone that wouldn't buy me a used ring I would have one made to look antique if it was in the budget :smile:
 

lolakitten

O.G.
Mar 11, 2007
6,368
1,928
Ontario
So, he wants you to have a new ring & you want an antique, am I understanding this? Why not just buy an antique cut diamond & set it in something that appeals to you? Then it's win win, right?
 

sjunky13

Dreaming............
O.G.
Dec 17, 2006
14,914
723
Marcel's
So, he wants you to have a new ring & you want an antique, am I understanding this? Why not just buy an antique cut diamond & set it in something that appeals to you? Then it's win win, right?
I agree and whoa baby on your avitar! That is my secrect lover. LOL :P:graucho:
 

sooyang

O.G.
Jun 11, 2007
258
173
Who knew I would have disagreement over small(?) things like a ring.:shrugs:
He has problem with the center stone being previously used by someone else.
I like the idea of getting a diamond cut the way I like. I guess it is possible to do this?
I'll see who might be able to do that...
It would be awesome if I could have someone cut a stone for me like this:

jewelsbyericagrace.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/1144739445_igqaj-O.165221209_std.jpg
http://jewelsbyericagrace.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/1144739445_igqaj-O.165221209_std.jpg

Thanks for all your input!
 

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ame

O.G.
Mar 22, 2007
13,467
654
Well, I hate to break the news to him, but a LOT of stones out there presently were preowned. And it doesn't ever have to be disclosed. Unless the seller actually bought from the cutter who JUST cut it, it's been passed around most of the time.

You need to sit down together and work this out. If he wants to give you a ring that you will wear happily, he needs to get over that feeling. But it sounds to me like he wants to control you and what he buys and what you wear to look better to other people and feel better about himself, and that is something you two need to work out before you get married.
 

sooyang

O.G.
Jun 11, 2007
258
173
Well, I hate to break the news to him, but a LOT of stones out there presently were preowned. And it doesn't ever have to be disclosed. Unless the seller actually bought from the cutter who JUST cut it, it's been passed around most of the time.

You need to sit down together and work this out. If he wants to give you a ring that you will wear happily, he needs to get over that feeling. But it sounds to me like he wants to control you and what he buys and what you wear to look better to other people and feel better about himself, and that is something you two need to work out before you get married.
=( I didn't say it in my post earlier but I was worried that he might feel this way. I guess it all comes down to.. how much he thinks is important for me to wear what I like as my engagement ring.
 

ahertz

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Jul 16, 2007
6,217
13
Santa Monica
Check out Good Old Gold (http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamondResults.php?shape=1&optSym=128&inHouse=3&resultsColumns=268435535) -- their cutters have started cutting NEW diamonds that have the chunky look of old cut diamonds that are gorgeous. I'd work with your BF to find a diamond in his price range and then have Erica (at jewelsbyericagrace.com) design an antique-looking setting for you.

I think it's important that you're both happy here, and that you should ABSOLUTELY get what you want. But it's also important that your BF has SOME say -- you don't want him to have a bad taste in his mouth from an experience that will always be linked to your engagement. KWIM?
 

ame

O.G.
Mar 22, 2007
13,467
654
I think this is a great idea, you need to do this collaboratively, you both have opinions about it but ultimately YOU are wearing it. Stick within his budget, and find something that makes you both happy. It might not be as big as you want, or as "perfect" as he wants it to be, but it's not about size or perfection, it's about the sentiment. AND about compromise.
 

LeeMiller

O.G.
Jun 29, 2007
6,282
70
Well on the one hand I think in certain cultures "used" rings are a no-no? Am I right? I agree with the good old gold recommendation for the cut, but I didn't realize Erica really designed settings?

Maybe the bigger issue is someone upset because you don't love what they want you to love? That's very stressful! and he will never "convince" you otherwise. But honestly I find that ring shopping tends to be stressful for many couples anyways for a variety of reasons it is a big step and a big purchase.

Oh wait I have another suggestion - there is this turkish designed brand that uses old cut diamonds - - gijn? or something - ?? saks in NYC carries them. Each ring is individually made and they are GORGEOUS. like jaw dropping. But it depends on your budget.
 

saligator

O.G.
Nov 21, 2006
2,427
274
I agree with others that if your DF has a "control" issue with things, then you need to sort that out right away.

As an aside, you might take this as an opportunity to educate your DF on sustainability. If everyone thought the way he did about luck and things being new, the human race would run out of resources very quickly. Recycling old and using it not only makes sense in that you love the styles, but it creates no footprint on the planet, and it can cost a lot less overall. Perhaps there is some "cleansing" ceremony that could be done with an antique ring to make him feel that it will be neutral and not unlucky?

If that doesn't work, are you willing to have a brand new ring in the antique style?

You can definitely get stones recut or cut in the old way that you like, and there are a million "antique looking/style" settings out there as well.


Good luck. But I do think you need to sort out these issues with him before you agree to marry him. It can start with things like this, and progress easily to friends, clothing, diet, etc... make sure there is room for you in your marriage!