Is having two children twice the work?

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  1. My DH and I have a DD, and although she's under 1, people are already asking if we're having another.

    I'm thinking that I'm happy just having our daughter... I'm 36, very career oriented and think it would be difficult to juggle 2 kids without a stronger support system; almost all our family is out of state. I feel like I'm blessed with the best of both worlds right now- being able to share in the amazing experience of being a mom and still having a considerable amount of flexibility in my life (i.e. my DH and I still go out all the time, travel).

    Although this isn't something we have to decide on right now, I was hoping to get input from moms with more than 1 kid. Is it easier with the second since you know what to expect? I'm wondering if there are certain things I should consider that I haven't thought about...

    I know the decision on having another child is a highly personal one, but I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!
     
  2. you do what you feel you need to no one and i mean no one is going to help you with the kids if your happy with just 1 then just have 1 . i have 2 and am a stay at home mom and its hard 2 boys 2 years apart .
     
  3. i honestly only wanted one child, that had been my plan from the very first memory of ever wanting children. one child to care for, one child to spoil, one child to have to deal with. then the bomb dropped and i was pregnant with my second son. i will be completely honest, i wasn't happy at all. i was upset, i was sad. i wasn't ready for another child. i wasn't ready for the diapers and breast feeding and lack of sleep once again [my oldest son was 3 at the time] and was pretty much potty trained.

    my 2nd son was born and it wasn't that big of a deal, i had help from my dh and my oldest son was a big helper. they played together, they kept each other company. they are each others friend. now that they are older they seem to fight a lot more and they do things just to annoy each other...that gets old quick!

    and then 19mths ago i decided i wanted another baby...i was kinda shocked at that. dh and i talked and he agreed so we decided to no use birth control and i got pregnant that first month and i had my daughter. my family is now complete. my life is hectic, my house is always a mess, but my heart is happy.

    so i think that having more than one child isn't much different than one, they are there to help out. they help entertain each other. and i love to watch my daughter's face light up when she sees one of her big brothers and vice versa...they love each other so much :smile:

    but in the end it's your decision to make with your dh. if you only want one child, then that is your right. don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
     
  4. I suppose it also depends on how far apart you try to space the children. Having a second baby when your first is only 1 will be double the work for sure. Both in diapers, one barely walking....lots of things. You really should do what you feel is right for you and for your family. People will always question, and it just never ends!

    I had my girls 3 years apart and it was fine because my oldest was almost completely potty trained so I didn't have double diaper duty at least!

    One more thing, even though we have children we still travel when we want. It just takes a bit more planning. The kids come with us and we have a great time!
     
  5. loved this! :smile:

    dh & I want at least one more but we are waiting til our ds is at least 1-1 1/2 yrs old.....do what your heart tells you!
     
  6. I've got a 5 month old and a 4 yr old- and honestly, it's both easier and harder. I wasn't nearly as shell shocked when the baby arrived this time, since I knew what to expect. My husband and I are much more laid back than we were with the first. And the 4 yr old will even entertain the 5 month old for a few minutes so I can get dinner made/read the paper sometimes. But, it's twice the work to get them out the door in the morning, and it's a huge production to go anywhere with both of them sometimes. It's no where near as difficult, I guess, as it was with the first one, but everything seems to take so much longer with 2!
     
  7. I have a 16 month old and am due with #2 (and last) on July 1. My son will be 3 months short of his second birthday when my daughter is born. I am quite sure I will be frazzled at first, but I am happy that they will be really close in age. I feel like I have been pregnant for the last few years, but once our daughter is born and I finish breastfeeding, I won't be doing it again!
     
  8. No, it's not twice the work. Maybe 45% more work. It is easier the second time around because you know what to expect.
    Mine are 20 months apart, so they were in diapers, etc. at the same time. I looked at that as a positive thing- I would get it over with sooner and not have to start again with my second one!
     
  9. It is a little harder but so rewarding. I love seeing my two guys play together. They are two and a half years apart and my oldest (almost 4) always tells me his baby brother (17 months) is his best friend and he can't wait for his baby sister (6 weeks until due date) gets here so she can be a part of the "baby team" as he calls it. I personally think if possible every child should have a sibling, you can get alot of stuff done when they are playing together. :smile:
     
  10. While having two can be more work, it can also be less work in some sense. An only child relies on you for their sole source of entertainment, but siblings can play with each other, taking some of the burden off of the parents. Our two are only 15 1/2 months apart, so they are developmentally similar.
    For us, the most important part of having two instead of one, was that we treated our first like she was the center of the universe. We worried about every little thing. Having two puts things into perspective and also teaches you to lighten up a little bit. I would hate to see how my daughter would have turned out as an only child...
     
  11. I will disagree with some of the PP and say that undoubtedly it IS double the work, especially if you have them relatively close together. And it isn't a whole lot better even if one is a little older. And it isn't even the amount of actual work, but more the amount of preparation, helping, double-checking things, etc. In other words, it can increase your anxiety level tremendously in the morning if you have two you need to feed, make sure they are clean, dressed, have the proper snow gear (if you live in a cold climate) and all the things they will need for the day, all while getting yourself ready and leaving the house by a certain time.

    Now, three isn't all that much more work than two, although I wouldn't dismiss it the way some people do as being "easy", either. But two was a HUGE adjustment for my family. It was worth it to us in the long run, but in the short run we were exhausted, frazzled and miserable for quite some time while we adjusted!
     
  12. #12 Feb 15, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2010
    Much like ilovepinkhearts, I was sure I wanted only one child. My DH already had 3 kids from his first marriage and I thought any more than our one would be crazy (okay, in all honesty I still think we are a little insane). Then surprise, surprise when our son was 2 and a half we got the shock of finding out we were expecting another (while on bc and anticipating a vasectomy). I am currently nine days away from my due date and a little nervous. DH's first three do not live with us, but will be staying with us for the entire summer. The thought of having so many kids at once plus a newborn is frightening, but I'm sure we will make it work. This will most definitely be our last baby. We own and operate two businesses and I'm sure it will be hectic in the beginning, but I'm ready for the challenge.

    I also forgot to add that my husband goes to college part time on top of all this. We do live near his family, but they do not help with the kids (i.e. babysitting) at all. I worked part time (20-30 hours) for a year and a half after our son turned one. We only owned one business at the time, but DH was also Active Duty Navy at the time. It got kinda crazy. We didn't have much time and honestly, it was hard. So I quit my job to help with our business and DH separated from the Navy. At that time we lived nowhere near either of our families, so we did everything on our own.

    Having another child is a lot to think about, there's a lot of soul searching involved and a lot of planning. I do believe that you can still have the kind of life you want and still have career goals and enjoy family time, more kids just involes more planning and more time figuring things out.
     

  13. I don't remember my 2nd one being so much more work - probably because my husband left soon after and my whole life became so much more work!

    I remarried, though, and my 3rd came along 1 1/2 years later, and it did seem then like it was a LOT more work.

    I have no explanation for that, considering that I had help at that point!

    I agree, though, and it's actually nice to hear it from someone else! My house looks like a tornado hit - usually within 10 minutes of cleaning - I constantly feel like I'm busy, busy, busy, but when I have a chance to sit down and breathe, I do know that I'm happy. (And one day, my house will be clean and quiet, and I'll probably get on the phone and ask one of my children to bring the grandchildren over!:biggrin:)
     
  14. i only have one but am loving the idea of having another im sure it will be more work but im thinking it will be great for them they can bond grow together

    but i think i will try and keep them 2 years apart
    at least
     
  15. i just wanted to say thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. You've given me some things to think about and I appreciate your honesty. Thanks again!!