Is anyone having trouble moving on after relationship/marriage break up?

#31
BagAngel said:
Glad that you found someone. I really don't miss anything about my ex only "being married" he was a cold & cruel man.
the thing that hurts is that he is not abusive in any way to them & they describe him as loving, caring & kind. This blows my mind as they say Leoparsd don't change their spots but he obviously has! So even though he did all the bad things I am left feeling it was my inadequacy.
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Just because "they" tell you everything's great, doesn't mean it is. You really don't know what goes on behind closed doors with his new family. Regardless, his bad treatment of you was not your fault.
 
#32
BagAngel said:
Nope they say he is kind loving & caring my sister in law who is so much more together than me she says it's a front for society like here I am I can be with these new kids my wife/kids are liars, I think she is right - a very devious man!
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My ex-FIL was a very abusive husband to his wife. He was also that way to his children. So my ex (his son) also grew up that way - an abusive person.

And nobody, nobody who didn't spend their lives with that family and see how the dad treated the wife/kids when others weren't around knew anything. They thought he was the most marvellous dad ever, caring and kind. Other people asked HIM for advice about how to tackle their kids. If your ex treated his kids one way, there is little chance that he'll treat other kids differently. I am 100% sure it is a front.
 
#33
The best way to move on is to forget, you don't have to forgive what he's done, but just forget about this person. To let go of him and all memories of him will allow yourself to move on as well.
 
#34
Roz ... I can relate (somewhat) to how you feel. It took me 2 years to get over a 2.5 month relationship with a man who was my first true love. I was like a zombe for those 2 years, cried myself to sleep from time to time. I knew I just couldn't go on like that for the rest of my life. I know my case was very different from yours ... but just like the other posters said, you need to move on. He was the one who had the problem - whatever it was that caused him to be abusive, it was from deep down and it was not caused by you.

I snapped out of my 2-year low when I watched 'Titanic', I know, kinda cheesy but remember at the end, Rose had to let Jack go so she could survive? I finally had to say Goodbye and let go so I could move on.

Now I am married to a wonderful man, I can't tell you how lucky I feel. You and your children deserve all the love and affection, and you will find someone.

<<HUGS>>
 
#35
medhavini said:
My ex-FIL was a very abusive husband to his wife. He was also that way to his children. So my ex (his son) also grew up that way - an abusive person.

And nobody, nobody who didn't spend their lives with that family and see how the dad treated the wife/kids when others weren't around knew anything. They thought he was the most marvellous dad ever, caring and kind. Other people asked HIM for advice about how to tackle their kids. If your ex treated his kids one way, there is little chance that he'll treat other kids differently. I am 100% sure it is a front.
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Thanks you know what I hope so I am sorry if I sound bitter but they would deserve. her kids they laugh at my kids in the street & that really pisses me off
 
#37
TravelBug said:
Roz ... I can relate (somewhat) to how you feel. It took me 2 years to get over a 2.5 month relationship with a man who was my first true love. I was like a zombe for those 2 years, cried myself to sleep from time to time. I knew I just couldn't go on like that for the rest of my life. I know my case was very different from yours ... but just like the other posters said, you need to move on. He was the one who had the problem - whatever it was that caused him to be abusive, it was from deep down and it was not caused by you.

I snapped out of my 2-year low when I watched 'Titanic', I know, kinda cheesy but remember at the end, Rose had to let Jack go so she could survive? I finally had to say Goodbye and let go so I could move on.

Now I am married to a wonderful man, I can't tell you how lucky I feel. You and your children deserve all the love and affection, and you will find someone.

<<HUGS>>
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Ah such a nice idea, glad something clicked with you & you found happiness I know someday that will hapen with me too. I have wasted enough time on this waster!
 
#40
secret_shopaholic said:
Roz also wanted to say I hope your mum gets on ok this week in hospital. Keep strong and we will speak to you when you are fully back on line here.
Take care
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Thanks so much secret she is 85 so any surgery is worrying & will take some recuperation but she is in good health otherwise so here's hoping!
Hopefully I will still get on for some light chat in the evenings
 
#41
Be it anybody there is bound to be problems initially after breaking up. Well at least I have been lucky that so far my marriage life has been good but I was the ill fated person who experienced the pain of departing with the love of my life and it hurts. The pain bore in me was more than 4/5 years and getting on with life was a hell of task. So the love that one has for the other person is also a determining factor as to how long the hardship would linger.
 
#42
ashwell said:
Be it anybody there is bound to be problems initially after breaking up. Well at least I have been lucky that so far my marriage life has been good but I was the ill fated person who experienced the pain of departing with the love of my life and it hurts. The pain bore in me was more than 4/5 years and getting on with life was a hell of task. So the love that one has for the other person is also a determining factor as to how long the hardship would linger.
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Glad you have moved on now, yes i sometimes ask myself do i still love him but the answer is always No how could I?
 
#43
ashwell said:
Be it anybody there is bound to be problems initially after breaking up. Well at least I have been lucky that so far my marriage life has been good but I was the ill fated person who experienced the pain of departing with the love of my life and it hurts. The pain bore in me was more than 4/5 years and getting on with life was a hell of task. So the love that one has for the other person is also a determining factor as to how long the hardship would linger.
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Just saw it's your first post here, welcome, it's a great place :smile:
 
#44
I think you are to be admired that raising your children were a priority to you. My father jumped in & out of relationships/marriages after my mother died who was the love of his life. He spent his last 20 years of life trying to replace her, never did. He never got over her. He died with the poster of he & my mothers wedding dance on the back of his bedroom door all while living with another woman. Being older I now see how hard it was for these women to live in my mothers shadow. My father never moved on & he created alot of havoc for everyone involved.
His relationship craziness was the reason both my brother & I delayed marriage, me into my 40's brother into his 50's.
But now its your time! Don't think he's changed. His current family is living the lie. If he's changed,part of that change to make it complete is to apolOgize to those you hurt.
You are giving him free rent in your head. We forgive others not for them but for us. Even if it doesn't feel good, fake it till you make it. Oprah has done shows on this, maybe go to her website at Oprah.com & see wht she has on there
 
#45
Vegas Long Legs said:
I think you are to be admired that raising your children were a priority to you. My father jumped in & out of relationships/marriages after my mother died who was the love of his life. He spent his last 20 years of life trying to replace her, never did. He never got over her. He died with the poster of he & my mothers wedding dance on the back of his bedroom door all while living with another woman. Being older I now see how hard it was for these women to live in my mothers shadow. My father never moved on & he created alot of havoc for everyone involved.
His relationship craziness was the reason both my brother & I delayed marriage, me into my 40's brother into his 50's.
But now its your time! Don't think he's changed. His current family is living the lie. If he's changed,part of that change to make it complete is to apolOgize to those you hurt.
You are giving him free rent in your head. We forgive others not for them but for us. Even if it doesn't feel good, fake it till you make it. Oprah has done shows on this, maybe go to her website at Oprah.com & see wht she has on there
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Ah that is such a sad story for your dad I am so sorry but so great to know that a great love existed like he had for your mum. Sorry it caused such havoc in your life & your brotkers I hope you are happy now.
I so agree that you have to say sorry he never did, not to me not to the children
You are so right that I am giving him free rent I will have a look at Oprahs website thanks for the suggestion
 
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