Is anyone having trouble moving on after relationship/marriage break up?

#16
Buttery said:
BagAngel, protect yourself and your children. That's the best thing you can do. Surround yourself with positive people and come up with positive things to do with your children. As bad as you feel, your kids may be having trouble getting over what happened, also.

You're in a very powerful position right now: you have the power to put your new family (meaning yourself and your kids) on a positive course of action. You can show your kids what a happy family is by starting to do happy things with them. Cook together on certain nights of the week, have fun "movie nights" at home, do something nice for them and their friends...Make home life happy for them. Give them something pleasant to look back on. (The payoff is HUGE for you.) I speak from the child's perspective because my parents broke up for similar reasons. After the divorce, it was just mom and me...and somehow, she made home so pleasant. Interesting things start happening when you put all of your energy into making others you love happy: you start feeling better, you realize who really matters and loves you, you love yourself more, and other people (many are often men) notice and want be a part of it.
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Thanks Buttery yes that is what i did when i threw him out apart from beating up on my son I found him into really bad porn on the internet, young stuff & all that so I removed him from our home so he could do no damage.

My kids are great, very well adjusted they are adult now 19 & 21 & we are a happy little bunch but I just so can't get over the family that we should have had!

Marriage break ups always leave a scar & seeing a family out together always brings a tear to my eye.

Glad your mum handled things so well for you
 
#18
Aw Roz I feel it for you. I had a friend in a similar situation and after 9 years tomorrow I am going to see her and her new baby boy that she had a few weeks ago. She would never have ever let someone else in her life and all she wanted was her and her two girls. Last year she met, married and fell pregnant to a lovely guy who was so far apart from what she had experienced before. I can only imagine it's hard for you, you sound a great mum. Who knows maybe something will change and someone will come into your life that will blow you away.

I hope things go well for you, you deserve it.

Meanwhile we are all here for you and if you need to chat then chat away.

Take care.

x
 
#19
I meant to say as well you seem from your posts to be feeling the blame on some of this (or inadequacy as you would put it) bad guys like that makes you feel like that. I can only imagine that if he was bad he was always like that and had nothing to do with you.

Also have you ever spoken with someone professional on this?
 
#20
secret_shopaholic said:
I meant to say as well you seem from your posts to be feeling the blame on some of this (or inadequacy as you would put it) bad guys like that makes you feel like that. I can only imagine that if he was bad he was always like that and had nothing to do with you.

Also have you ever spoken with someone professional on this?
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Thanks secret, yes i do blame myself in ways but i know that none of this was my fault. I guess we all go on a guilt trip at times :smile:
Yes i think I will try to seek professional to speak with this year. Mum going into hospital for surgery next week (alas won't be on here much for a while will miss it) but when all settles down again will start to see to me LOL
 
#21
I was kind of "stuck" on my highschool BF, we were together for 3 years and it ended about 10 years ago. I always thought about him, just wondering where and what he was doing. Well, I found him on Myspace about 2 weeks ago, satisfied my curiousity by messaging him, and now i've moved on. It was like a big weight had lifted off my shoulders.
 
#22
BagAngel said:
Thanks Buttery yes that is what i did when i threw him out apart from beating up on my son I found him into really bad porn on the internet, young stuff & all that so I removed him from our home so he could do no damage.

My kids are great, very well adjusted they are adult now 19 & 21 & we are a happy little bunch but I just so can't get over the family that we should have had!

Marriage break ups always leave a scar & seeing a family out together always brings a tear to my eye.

Glad your mum handled things so well for you
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You seem like a great mom, too. Try not to focus on the family that you could have had (obviously, he could not provide that on his end), try to focus on the family that you can and do have. A lot of people don't even have that. Also, do something for you...something that will occupy your time (that doesn't involve buying handbags:lol: ) so that you won't have to think about "what could have been" so much. Think about all of the new possibilities in store for you. The breakup of your marriage could just be something that might put you closer to someone/something perfect for you. ;)
 
#23
I can't talk from personal experience but had a similar story in the family but without the violence.
The woman left the guy because it just seemed that they could not manage each other (no one else involved etc). The guy could just not get over it for a really really long time - especially as they have two kids who were really small at the time. (same as you, upbringing that you only marry once etc...) anyway, I think in the past couple of years he just came to terms with it and accepted that his marriage is over - after trying to get back together. And, lo and behold, he found someone else - really lovely lady with children (who herself is going through a marriage breakup).

I guess my point is that to be happy you have to trust again - anger will eat you up inside, and may even make you ill - (and that is another story we also had in the family that ended very differently, unfortunately). And that is not worth it - even if you don't want to enter another relationship, I think you should really let it go (I know easier said than done) bec you are only damaging yourself.
 
#24
Jen Loves LV said:
I was kind of "stuck" on my highschool BF, we were together for 3 years and it ended about 10 years ago. I always thought about him, just wondering where and what he was doing. Well, I found him on Myspace about 2 weeks ago, satisfied my curiousity by messaging him, and now i've moved on. It was like a big weight had lifted off my shoulders.
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that's great well done, you must feel relieved now!
 
#25
lara0112 said:
I can't talk from personal experience but had a similar story in the family but without the violence.
The woman left the guy because it just seemed that they could not manage each other (no one else involved etc). The guy could just not get over it for a really really long time - especially as they have two kids who were really small at the time. (same as you, upbringing that you only marry once etc...) anyway, I think in the past couple of years he just came to terms with it and accepted that his marriage is over - after trying to get back together. And, lo and behold, he found someone else - really lovely lady with children (who herself is going through a marriage breakup).

I guess my point is that to be happy you have to trust again - anger will eat you up inside, and may even make you ill - (and that is another story we also had in the family that ended very differently, unfortunately). And that is not worth it - even if you don't want to enter another relationship, I think you should really let it go (I know easier said than done) bec you are only damaging yourself.
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Hi lara,

Glad your story has a happy ending and sorry about the other one I know anger is so destructive & can indeed make you ill. It is so true the only person you damage is yourself the other person doesn't even know or care that you are angry!
 
#27
BagAngel said:
Yes I agree it is too long but I cannot get over it & have no interest in meeting anyone. I suppose it's the way I was brought up marriage is for life n all that LOL
he is with another woman with 6 kids now I am just so angry all the time he appears to treat them so well & treated us so bad, beat my kids etc I think that is why I cannot move on still so angry
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Hey, if he was beating the kids that was it. Who knows if he's beating the current kids also? They'd never say!
 
#28
Roz, I'm so sorry. Lots of hugs~
There is someone out there who will give you all the love and happiness that you deserve, I truly hope that you will be able to open your heart again.
 
#29
medhavini said:
Hey, if he was beating the kids that was it. Who knows if he's beating the current kids also? They'd never say!
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Nope they say he is kind loving & caring my sister in law who is so much more together than me she says it's a front for society like here I am I can be with these new kids my wife/kids are liars, I think she is right - a very devious man!
 
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