In need of advice

  1. My boyfriend and I have been living together for six years. We have had our ups and downs just like most couples do. I found out last week that he had cheated on me in the past four months. I was devestated to say the least. He had ended it with her and had hoped I would never find out but she contacted me. I have decided now to try to move past this with him. I can forgive him. It is the forgetting that I can not seem to do. I think about it all the time. I am such a mess. One minute I am fine and then the next I am a sobbing basket-case. I know that if we are going to make it past this, I have to let it go. I just don't know how. I would appreciate any advice you girls have!
  2. {{{{Missy}}}} How awful.

    Are you sure that you want to forgive him?

    If you do, my advice would be to find a good counselor who can help you work through your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and rage in a healthy and sane way.

    Have there been other instances of unsavory behaviour?
  3. I'm sorry that you're going through this, Missy.

    Are you sure that you're able to forgive him for doing this? Don't you worry that he will do it again? I'm sorry...maybe I just have trust issues with men, but once you cheat on me once I'm not going to give you a chance to earn my trust back.

    To be quite honest, I would get rid of this loser. If he was capable of cheating on you once, he's capable of doing it and hiding it again. I know that the two of you have been together for a long time, but I don't believe that time is a reason to stay together.
  4. He said that this was the first time it has ever happened.

    I have went back and forth about staying with him or leaving. I would really like to work it out if possible.
  5. *hugs* forgetting when someone has done something to hurt you is very hard to do. I know I have been through something similar in the past. Everytime you think about what he did it will stir up your emotions causing you to feel sad,angry,depressed and this will cause more problems for the two of you. If you have forgiven him and want to move past this, my advice to you is that whenever the negative thoughts enter your head, quickly think of something good, something happy, it wont be easy but if you commit to not thinking about bad things and thinkins about good, you will see how easy it is to change your thoughts. I hope this helps :flowers:
  6. Missy, I am so sorry. It is very hard to forgive and forget. I would really encourage you to go to couples counseling. You probably have a lot of feelings and questions about why he did this and doubts if he can be trusted again. Many couples move on after infidelity, some can not.
  7. So sorry this happened to you. I too have lived with my boyfriend for 6 years ,so I know it has to be devastating to you to find out that someone you sleep with every night, wake up with every morning, someone with whom you spend so much time with could do something so horrible. I could not forgive my boyfriend. To me this is the ultimate betrayal, not to mention extremely selfish. I believe that if you truly love someone you don't that. It would hurt to leave and I do love him, but I love myself more. I feel I deserve better.

    But if YOU want to make it work it work, I agree with the counseling. You might need help overcoming your feelings of anger, resentment, etc...

    Good luck.
  8. It takes a very forgiving, truly loving nature to move past something like this. I, very foolishly, cheated on my SO of 6 years two years ago. I felt terrible, and he felt worse, because he is a very loving, sensitive person. There just wasn't a good way to stay together and both of us not go emotionally crazy. So he moved out for a while, and we parted ways for a few months. After a while, I called him, and we had dinner, and low and behold we are better than we have ever been. He had been on a date or two, so had I. Sometimes it just takes time, and kinda spending some time apart to re-evaluate things, meet some new people, and then if you can get back together after something like that with no issues, then you know it is meant to be. Mind you, you will have some trust issues for a while, but if you really love each other you can move past that eventually. I'm sorry it happened to you, I know how horrible it can be :sad: Cheating on my SO, as of right now, has been the biggest mistake that I have EVER made.
  9. Thanks so much everyone. I will take the advice on counseling. I have told him that I can not promise to stay with him yet. I do want to but I am not sure that I will be able to. I do think that it is worth a try.
  10. I hope it all works out for you. I do agree counselling is the way to go if you want to stay together. Personally, if it were me, I would not be able to forgive him.
  11. i very much admire you for being able to forgive him. even though it is emotionally very very difficult, you should find some way to past this stage .... like maybe a mini vacation with just the two of you ? you guys should do activities to strengthen your relationship like go to the theatre or do couple's cooking classes. i hope everything works out for you!
  12. People make mistakes, and yes, cheating is a big deal, but I think if both parties are actually willing to move forward, it can happen. Counseling will be good. Most people can't leave things in the past. He knows it happened, you know it happened, now leave it there and don't bring it up (aside from counseling, of course). He has to take it upon himself to prove to you that he's trustworthy, but at the same time, you have to give him room to do that.

    Good luck
  13. Charles - you are so right! I know I have to learn to leave it in the past. That is what I am having a hard time doing. I have only known about it for a week, so I am hoping in time I will be able to let it go.

    Thank you so much everyone for your kind words.
  14. I completely agree.

    Good luck!
  15. Spend his money! That is how you forgive him.