I'm so frustrated.

MAGs I really hope you work things out! I know fights can be so awful, but sometimes you feel better after a day or so. I would wait for both of you to calm down then have a serious talk. You should set down ground rules about what you will and will not tolerate and make sure he understands where you're coming from. I hope you can work it out! Big HUG!
 
Call Dr. Joy Browne.

She is wonderful. I don't know how many PhDs she has in psychology and psychiatry. (I have a BA from an ivy league school and she impresses the heck out of me.)

Dr. Joy has a call-in radio program on weekdays out of New York City. She is smart, good, and very kind hearted. She will give you excellent direction on how to identify the core issue and what to do next.

Do NOT call Dr. Laura. She has zero degrees in psych and is mean as a snake.

See ** for contact info.

Good luck!
 
Call Dr. Joy Browne.

She is wonderful. I don't know how many PhDs she has in psychology and psychiatry. (I have a BA from an ivy league school and she impresses the heck out of me.)

Dr. Joy has a call-in radio program on weekdays out of New York City. She is smart, good, and very kind hearted. She will give you excellent direction on how to identify the core issue and what to do next.

Do NOT call Dr. Laura. She has zero degrees in psych and is mean as a snake.

See ** for contact info.

Good luck!

Can't have a PhD in psychiatry, that is a medical degree, thus MD.
 
MAG: Sorry to hear about what's going on. I definetely recommend counseling, and if you feel you cannot say everything you want verbally w/o getting upset consider writing a letter. You can have him read it or ask him to listen while you read it. That way you can get all your thoughts and feelings out.

Twinkle: You sound like a very strong woman. I wish the best for you and your son.
 
Husbands....you can't live with them and you can't kill them!
Oh baby every couple fights and I mean FIGHTS! I don't know all the details of your situation so its not easy to give advice - I've been with my husband for 15 years (married for 10) and there have been times we have come down to knock down, dirty arguments that made both of us want to leave.
Before we got married, our pastor taught us an amazing thing during our pre-marital counseling...that ALL marriages eventually "die" and at that point, couples decide if they are going to accept the changes that come with that or if they are going to part. Every relationship changes and that change can be good or it can be bad. You two have to decide. Our marriage went through something similar and even though our relationship changed, we actually became closer and our marriage "matured". Its still not perfect and will never be. But unless there is infidelity or abuse, its is worth saving. I don't know what your belief system is but for us, God was placed in the center and we pretty much asked for His help. It sounds like you both need to remember the "husband/wife of your youth" and maybe get into some counseling. You were madly in love once, you just need to remember why and work together and not be afraid of your marriage changing and maturing. Part 2 can be just as exciting and fun. We all expect our marriages to stay the same fairy-tale way it started out and this is just impractical.
I've heard/read, 2 things that are very true:
Men marry women expecting them to never change, but women do.
Women marry men expecting to change them, and they never can!
and
Women play sex for love
Men play love for sex.
Both sexes are so different and always will be. Our passion brings us together but what keeps couples together is the acceptance that passion and infatuation fade and you eventually see all the cracks and flaws in each other. Thats when your mettle is tested of what love truly is. If you make it through this huge storm, your marriage will be one of the ones that lasts forever. Just talk to any couple married for 50 some years - you will find some stories not unlike yours - hang in there and get some help. And like others have said, we are always here to listen.
sorry for the long post but this is a really important topic and I think I, like every married woman on here, feels for you and can completely relate.
 
i am so sorry that this is how you are feeling. i can somewhat relate. ever since august, my bf and i have gotten distant and last week we broke up. however, we realized that we both wanted to work things out and i think this break made us realize that a relationship takes effort we both need to put more time into the relationship. i know our relationship isn't on the same level as yours since we aren't married and we definitely don't have a child together but i do hope you 2 will work things out.
 
I am truly sad to hear what is happening to you and hope that you and your daughter remain safe.. the ladies have provided wonderful comments, support, and warm thoughts, and I would like to extend the same supportive remarks... also, seeking help from others (such as pastor, therapist, etc.) may be a good option at this point... pls do not feel that you are alone.. feel free to pm me in case you would like to talk to someone.. continue being brave, you are doing a good job...not just for yourself but also for your daughter.
 
I can't even finish reading your replies without crying. :sad:

I'm trying to wait until I'm able to collect myself before opening up to him. It's hard because our fights never became this huge. There's no physical abuse but I'm just so fed up emotionally.

Twinkie- I admire your courage and I wish nothing but happiness for you and your son!
 
I feel for you......Marriage can be sooo hard and working through things can be emotionally draining and can takes its toll on your relationship....

Hope you guys can work through it......
 
Bravo!!! So well put!

Hang in there MAGS...We are here for you.


I know it's really hard, but it's important that you stand up for yourself. I had three girls when I left my husband and they were 6, 4 and 1 at the time. It was unbelievably frightening because I had no idea if I could make it. I did though and am so much stronger for it now. He used to run me into the ground both verbally and physically - after 15 years we are friendly now - for the sake of the girls and he does try to be a good father. Know this - while it is important to make it work if you can - if you can't (and I gave my marriage almost 8 years trying to make it work) - but if you can't - you CAN make it on your own. I am living proof of that. I had no self esteem at all by the time I left my husband. Within six months of leaving him, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, I was losing weight, working and felt again like the person I was before I married him. It is scary with young children and so often we feel like we have to stay for their sake, but it's not always even best for them. I know, for my girls, if I had stayed and kept being treated the way I was, that can perpetuate itself - and they might have felt women deserved to be treated like that and may have in adulthood gravitated toward that type of man - which would have been terrible. My girls are strong and independent (oldest just accepted to medical school) - I'd like to think some of that comes from seeing their mom be strong, stick up for herself and make it.

Whatever you choose to do, for the sake of your daughter, stick up for yourself, maintain your self-esteem and your dignity and let you daughter see that. It is the best gift you can give her. I hope you can work it out, but more than that I hope he starts treating you better and that you are able to really kind of demand that he does. I will keep you in my thoughts since I've been through it.
 
I know it's really hard, but it's important that you stand up for yourself. I had three girls when I left my husband and they were 6, 4 and 1 at the time. It was unbelievably frightening because I had no idea if I could make it. I did though and am so much stronger for it now. He used to run me into the ground both verbally and physically - after 15 years we are friendly now - for the sake of the girls and he does try to be a good father. Know this - while it is important to make it work if you can - if you can't (and I gave my marriage almost 8 years trying to make it work) - but if you can't - you CAN make it on your own. I am living proof of that. I had no self esteem at all by the time I left my husband. Within six months of leaving him, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, I was losing weight, working and felt again like the person I was before I married him. It is scary with young children and so often we feel like we have to stay for their sake, but it's not always even best for them. I know, for my girls, if I had stayed and kept being treated the way I was, that can perpetuate itself - and they might have felt women deserved to be treated like that and may have in adulthood gravitated toward that type of man - which would have been terrible. My girls are strong and independent (oldest just accepted to medical school) - I'd like to think some of that comes from seeing their mom be strong, stick up for herself and make it.

Whatever you choose to do, for the sake of your daughter, stick up for yourself, maintain your self-esteem and your dignity and let you daughter see that. It is the best gift you can give her. I hope you can work it out, but more than that I hope he starts treating you better and that you are able to really kind of demand that he does. I will keep you in my thoughts since I've been through it.

wow well said:yes:
 
My thoughts are with you. I have been down the same road as Charleston-mom, and I agree. There comes a point where you feel not only "can I take this anymore?" but also "do I want my child to see me living this way?". Both those combined makes you decide one way or another. Hopefully, for you things are not so bad.