I'm so frustrated.

MAGs

MAGs

Emily :)
May 4, 2006
2,484
1
#1
My husband has been getting on my last nerve. We had this huge fight earlier and I ended up screaming at him. It's so frustrating that our fights have become so intense nowadays. I feel so detached to him. I understand that people say things they don't mean when they are mad but sometimes I can't help but get so depressed remembering everything he has said. I'm crying as I'm typing this because I feel like he's turned into this person I no longer want to be with. I'm so mad and so discouraged. If it weren't for my little girl, I would've left already. I feel so little now. Like I can't stand on my own. I'm so depressed and so tired of this. He even left after our fight and left his wedding ring. When I saw it in the counter, I wanted to throw it away. So useless!!!!! I'm crying because I feel like I'm no longer happy. I'm crying because I don't have anyone to talk to that would understand me.:crybaby: :crybaby:

I just wish we'd be able to get things back to the days when we were happy. And if I ever decide to leave him, I wish I'd be strong enough to face the world with my daughter, alone...

I don't want to give up yet. This may just be one of those fights but it's the first time I ever felt so little :sad:
 
#2
MAGs, so sorry that you're going through this! I don't have any words of advice (wish I did), but if you ever want a shoulder to cry on we're all here for you! Best wishes.
 
#3
I'm so sorry that you're feeling this pain and sadness. Try to be strong for your daughter. Have you tried counseling? Even for yourself, it could help you see the situation more clearly. I'm sending positive thoughts your way, Mags.:heart:
 
#5
oh MAGS... don't feel too depressed, don't cry too much... smile a little.. try to forget a little. I know how you feel, i get into fights just like that w/ my fiance, w/ screaming & extremely harsh words back at each other... Just like you i would would start screaming at him (which i usually don't)... and I tend to remember all those things he says to me, which i know that when someone is mad they say things they don't mean, but it stays w/ me...

Right now the atmospher is unstable, both of you are emotional stage. Let it settle... try and talk, and work things out.

Hope the best for you MAGS, hugs & kisses
 
#6
So Sorry! Let things calm down and then try to tell him what you just told US.He needs to know how unhappy you are and try to work it out!! Good luck,let us know how you are doing...And feel free to PM me to talk!
 
#8
It's not a fun time of the year to feel so isolated and alone, but it sounds like you have a lovely daughter to focus.

If you are ever intrested in reading a great book on making marriage work, check this out:

Amazon.com: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert: Books: John M. Gottman,Nan Silver

I went through a divorce four years and not a day has gone by that I don't wish we had BOTH tried harder. It takes two to make or break a marriage and it takes two to want to make it work- it's hard and takes a lot of will power.

In any case, I wish I had read this book before we both started doing really stupid stuff to each other.

Best wishes to you.
 
#9
I am sorry to hear that...I hope you feel better soon...maybe just calm down and have a discussion with him? not sure if I can give good advice..but do come on here and vent or talk to us whenever you feel the need to!
Best Wishes!
 
#10
I know it's really hard, but it's important that you stand up for yourself. I had three girls when I left my husband and they were 6, 4 and 1 at the time. It was unbelievably frightening because I had no idea if I could make it. I did though and am so much stronger for it now. He used to run me into the ground both verbally and physically - after 15 years we are friendly now - for the sake of the girls and he does try to be a good father. Know this - while it is important to make it work if you can - if you can't (and I gave my marriage almost 8 years trying to make it work) - but if you can't - you CAN make it on your own. I am living proof of that. I had no self esteem at all by the time I left my husband. Within six months of leaving him, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, I was losing weight, working and felt again like the person I was before I married him. It is scary with young children and so often we feel like we have to stay for their sake, but it's not always even best for them. I know, for my girls, if I had stayed and kept being treated the way I was, that can perpetuate itself - and they might have felt women deserved to be treated like that and may have in adulthood gravitated toward that type of man - which would have been terrible. My girls are strong and independent (oldest just accepted to medical school) - I'd like to think some of that comes from seeing their mom be strong, stick up for herself and make it.

Whatever you choose to do, for the sake of your daughter, stick up for yourself, maintain your self-esteem and your dignity and let you daughter see that. It is the best gift you can give her. I hope you can work it out, but more than that I hope he starts treating you better and that you are able to really kind of demand that he does. I will keep you in my thoughts since I've been through it.
 
#11
I just hope things would be all right. I want to be able to understand him too. I'll try to talk to him when things mellow out. Thank you ladies. I've kept to myself about my relationship with my husband. Now I feel better knowing that I have people willing to listen... Thank you so much!
 
#12
Hi MAGs.
I'm glad you shared this. There are a lot of good people here to bounce things off of, and I have read several good suggestions already. I hope that the two of you are able to work together to get through this challenging time. Also, remember that lots of people have issues that surface around the holidays. Be gentle with both yourself and him. See if he is willing to do counselling with you. It can help you both find better ways to communicate together.

Best wishes!
Pippi
 
#13
charleston-mom said:
I know it's really hard, but it's important that you stand up for yourself. I had three girls when I left my husband and they were 6, 4 and 1 at the time. It was unbelievably frightening because I had no idea if I could make it. I did though and am so much stronger for it now. He used to run me into the ground both verbally and physically - after 15 years we are friendly now - for the sake of the girls and he does try to be a good father. Know this - while it is important to make it work if you can - if you can't (and I gave my marriage almost 8 years trying to make it work) - but if you can't - you CAN make it on your own. I am living proof of that. I had no self esteem at all by the time I left my husband. Within six months of leaving him, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, I was losing weight, working and felt again like the person I was before I married him. It is scary with young children and so often we feel like we have to stay for their sake, but it's not always even best for them. I know, for my girls, if I had stayed and kept being treated the way I was, that can perpetuate itself - and they might have felt women deserved to be treated like that and may have in adulthood gravitated toward that type of man - which would have been terrible. My girls are strong and independent (oldest just accepted to medical school) - I'd like to think some of that comes from seeing their mom be strong, stick up for herself and make it.

Whatever you choose to do, for the sake of your daughter, stick up for yourself, maintain your self-esteem and your dignity and let you daughter see that. It is the best gift you can give her. I hope you can work it out, but more than that I hope he starts treating you better and that you are able to really kind of demand that he does. I will keep you in my thoughts since I've been through it.
Click to expand...

Only can someone who has been there post something so passionate and emotional. Bravo!

Mags, the best thing right now is that you and your daughter are physically safe. If this is not the case, please find somewhere to go. If these fights have the potential of becomming violent please make a plan that you can put into play at a moment's notice. We are here for you and please feel free to PM me anytime.

:heart:
 
#15
Mags-

I am going through this RIGHT NOW! Please PM me for support. I've given it 10 years to work and I've found that no matter how much I want to, I cannot make my husband's decisions for him nor do I possess the power to change his mind. I filed for divorce on December 22.

I have a 5-year old son and I have (and still) agonize over whether or not I am doing what is best for him. He is my world and I want to be the best mother I can be for him. I am finding that a life without the drama is probably the best even though this has been the hardest decision I have ever had to make.

It would be so much easier if I wasn't still in love with the bastard, but I am. Despite all of the terrible, disrespectful, humiliating things he has done to me, God help me, I still love him. But I'm finding that the love I have for my child and the desire to get my life back outweighs the love I have for him.

You need to choose what the best course of action is for you and your daughter. Everyone can give you advice and share their own stories, but the decision has to be the one that works for you. I wish you the best of luck! *HUGS!!!*
 
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