I'm Pregnant...

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  1. #1 Feb 16, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2010
    I'm not too sure if this is the right section.

    I'm in my early 20's and currently in a relationship. While I love my boyfriend, I know I'm not going to marry him and he has severe temper issues- not to mention I constantly find him telling me little lies which make me mistrust him- although they aren't big enough for me to assume he's cheating but who knows. Needless to say other than those issues he's my best friend and we have a great time together but he isn't the one.

    We're both pretty young, in our 20's and have been dating just over 6 months.

    I had the worst Valentines day and on the car ride home I told him he had ruined my birthday, my christmas and now my valentines day. To be completely honest I was over reacting and being childish. He suggested we break up and I agreed. When I got into his house I took the pregnancy test expecting it to be negative...

    I took a first response and within a few minutes I saw a faint pink line that was clearly visible. I burst into tears and he ran to the bathroom and hugged me while I hysterically cried.

    We went down to the store and I took a Clearblue which had a very very faint line and I took another first response, which also had another postiive result. I'm a few days late for my period& have been breaking out which is odd for me because I haven't had acne for YEARS.

    I'm extremely torn. I'm young, just finishing school, my career hasn't started yet and I am not fit to support a child. My boyfriend does NOT want a child and I know if I was to go through with the pregnancy he would not want anything to do with either of us.

    My mom had me when she was super young and I always felt that she made a mistake having me- as miserable as that sounds.

    I'm just so upset. Morning sickness hasn't started yet...I've had some weird cramping and that's about it. My period is normally never late though so I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant. I'm going to the doctor on Wednesday.

    I feel guilty, stupid and shamed. I feel like one of those irresponsible girls I knew in high school who would get knocked up by random guys and as horrible as it sounds I always thought badly about those girls (probably because 95% of them were sleeping around and used drugs but that is besides the point).

    I always wanted to get engaged, get married and have kids in my early 30's.

    I am devastated that this has happened at a time when I cannot be a parent and my boyfriend can't be one either.

    I've read up about abortions and I am so scared. My parents have told me that if I was to go through with the pregnancy, I would have to move out and with a kid, how am I supposed to work and make rent? I would literally be homeless and my child wouldn't have a dad- there is just no way to make this work.

    I just feel so terrible. I feel like no one will ever want to marry me and I'll be damaged goods and that when I finally do decide to have a child years from now with my husband that I'll have this dark cloud looming over my "first" pregnancy because it won't actually be my first pregnancy.

    It's pretty clear I have to have an abortion. Right now I know it's just a fertilized egg- essentially a clump of cells and not a baby yet as I am probably only a few weeks into my pregnancy I also know when the time is right I will bring children into the world and give them a wonderful life. I'm just having a hard time dealing with the guilt and shame of being pregnant so young and not being married and having an abortion. Does anyone have some words of wisdom? I'm miserable.
     
  2. I know you are going through a lot right now. But please consider that this forum is filled with women who have been trying for YEARS to get pregnant unsuccessfully. Take some time to digest your situation and consider giving that child up for adoption. Just because you don't want it, doesn't mean someone else doesn't. You have to do what is right for you. I wish you luck.
     
  3. I'm sorry you have to go through this but I know how you're feeling. I went through the same thing when I was in my early 20s, I feel like I've written your post myself. I can't tell you what to do as we are all different in dealing with emotional issues but I can tell you how it was like for me. I know giving the baby up for adoption is a good option BUT you have to be mentally and emotionally prepared for that. I know there's a lot of mixed feelings but you are young and you know you are a good person. If you are considering abortion and are feeling guilty, I know it is cliche and corny but time heals. But please consider maybe talking to somebody who you can trust and who knows you, getting advice from a forum from strangers might help but that's just what we are, strangers. We don't know your whole situation and in the end only you can decide what is best for you. Good luck.
     
  4. While I feel for you and your situation, I don't think discussing abortion on this board is a very good idea, it is way too much of a hot button issue.
     
  5. i will never judge another person when it comes to an abortion, i don't have that right. i personally may be against it, but im not you and im not in your shoes. i will just offer you support and kind words.

    firstly you aren't stupid and you shouldn't be ashamed...unplanned pregnancies happen. you just have to figure out how you are going to deal with it.

    adoption is always a good way to go. there are so many women and men out they that are absolutely desperate to have a baby to love and to care for. you would be giving them the family they have dreamed of and have waited years for. but that also means that you will have a child out there, someone that is your blood that may never know you and you may never know them. if that is what you want then i say go for that. or you could ask that they keep you updated with photos and letters and that at some point in time you may want the child to know who you are....it's all in your court.

    you have many options in front of you, i suggest that you firstly you do make certain you are pregnant [so wait for the doctor appt] and then get in touch with all the different agencies and talk with people...talk and research and do some serious soul searching.

    i wish you all the best!!! :hugs:
     
  6. Good luck with your decision... the only thing i take exception to is your idea of being "damaged goods" just because a woman might choose to have a baby out of wedlock (i.e. first pregnancy not "the first" in a marriage). For me, the right man to be married to would not have an issue with that.

    Also, if you don't want to keep the baby, there's always the option of giving him or her up for adoption.
     
  7. excellent post, ITA.
     
  8. I have a very close friend who went through something very similar. She ended up having an abortion, and it was absolutely the right thing for her. I know the decision haunts her sometimes, but she is engaged now and is looking forward to starting a family with her fiance. Her fiance is the person she is supposed to be with, and the boyfriend she was with when she got pregnant was not right for her at all. It was a very hard choice for her to make, but she is glad she made it.

    I'm certainly not going to get into the politics of abortion, because this isn't the time or place for that discussion. But I do want to say that I think your post is appropriate for this forum, and I hope that no one will judge you. Maybe you don't have anyone to talk to that can help you through this. It sounds like you already know what decision is the right one for you, and you don't need us to validate it or to talk you out of it. If you do decide to have an abortion, take a couple weeks to make sure you're doing the right thing. Talk to your doctor about what is involved with the procedure, and make a few appointments with a counselor to work through your decision. You don't want to wait too long though, or it might not be possible. There is no right answer here, and whatever you choose to do will be difficult. But you have to trust yourself and do what's right for you.
     
  9. I am so sorry you're going through this. I know it's probably all you can think about.
    Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Things happen in life that we don't anticipate- that's just a part of the journey. You're not alone, either... they estimate that half of all pregnancies in the U.S. each year are unplanned. I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant. Would love to offer more support and share some of my own experience, but it's probably not appropriate here.... do you want to send me a PM and we can communicate that way?
     
  10. So your parents are essentially saying you shouldn't have your baby?
     
  11. The OP won't be able to send or receive PMs until she's been on here 5 days and has 5 posts.

    OP, this is a really tough choice, but I agree with the others that you have to make the choice that is right for you. It doesn't sound like you are in a position right now to raise a baby. I'm not going to comment on the abortion vs. adoption choice, because IMO it's just way too personal, and I don't know you. Both would be very difficult for different reasons.

    I would say, though, that if you do decide to have the abortion, that does not mean that no one will ever be able to love you again, or you don't deserve to have kids when it's right for you and the baby and the father, or any of those other things.

    Best to you.
     
  12. Having gone through this as a young unwed mother that chose to keep her child. I had no family to help me out just really good friends. Would I do it again. No! I have stressed it to my children how hard it was to be a single unwed mother. Thank goodness my children listened . I don't believe in abortion however I would look into adoption because someone out there may not be able to have children and this would be a wonderful blessing to them. This is a very hard situation to be in and I hope that you make the best decision for yourself and your situation.
     
  13. Best of luck. I hope you consider all your options. I know it's hard, REALLY hard, but you have choices, and that baby inside you could bring you, or someone else, a lot of joy.
     
  14. There is no black and white, sometimes only shades of gray. All paths involved here require sacrifice and I am not here to judge or tell you what to do. You are the only one who will have to live with whatever path you end up taking. Best of luck and support.. We may all be strangers, but we are all human. We all make mistakes and have things happen that are not according to our plan. Time will give you perspective and hopefully peace with whatever you so choose.
     
  15. #15 Feb 16, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2010
    Hi!
    We have to go ahead and close this. We don't allow religious or political discussions here and so obviously trying to discuss abortion isn't reasonable. . .
     
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