Hi Ladies (and Gents). This post will probably seem long-winded, self-indulgent and perhaps a little dull, but for some reason I need to get this out. I never, ever talk about my emotions with anyone (just not comfortable) but I feel like I've lost touch with myself for almost the last 5 years. I've been married to a great guy for almost 11 years and we had our first child 4 1/2 years ago. I was 28 when I had my son, Oscar. The nurses were concerned after his birth about a couple of his features and after some blood tests we found out he has Down Syndrome. I have never felt like such a failure as a woman - even though I knew then, as I know now that nothing I did or didn't do resulted in this. Anyway, this in no way affected our love for him and he truly is a beautiful child. I know this is going to sound incredibly selfish but I was too embarressed to attend any kind of mother and child groups and to this day tend to avoid situations where there are groups of mothers with their children. We had a second son almost two years ago. I refused to hold him or even look at him until I was assured that he was "normal" - another action that shames me as a mother. So, for the last 4 1/2 years I've been raising 2 kids, a job which I do love. It's just that during this time I have felt totally disconnected. I'm a mother, wife, carer, cook, etc, but feel like I have lost the "woman" in me. This is really depressing me as I don't know what to do to get it back - I just don't have the confidence. Affection has become something that I give to my children only. When my husband comes home or goes to work it's a quick peck on the cheek for him. How much longer can he put up with this? He bought me some beautiful lingerie for Xmas but I know I won't wear it, I don't like seeing myself in it. It reminds me of the person I used to be, so far away from the person I feel like now. I'm not too sure what my point with posting this is, I just know that I feel better getting this out.