I'm furious!..LONG POST..sorry but I gotta rant

  1. Please excuse the rant and the long post..but I need to get this out..and see if I'm feeling the way I should be feeling..or if I'm being stupid?:confused1::cursing:

    Brief history:
    I have a bit of money that comes in monthly due to some oil wells placed on land my brother and I inherited from my great uncle(on my deceased fathers side). Its an ok amount...not alot..but pretty fair. I stick this money into a special account to use for emergency's for the family(my Mom was NOT included in this inheritence..I want to share it with her when needed).

    OK..onto today's events. My mom lives 600+ miles from me. My bother lives only a few miles from her. She had hired out to have her house painted. She was given a verbal quote..but when it came time to do the job..their quote was 650.00 more than originally stated. She called asking my opinion. I said tell them to forget it..poor ethics..no written estimate etc. My husband and I offered then to come and paint it for her sometime this summer. It was decided..that is what we would do. My brother declined to help.."he's too busy".

    I get an urgent message on my cell phone from my brother this morning telling me I needed to call him back right away(he by the way is VERY TIGHT with his money..and alway's veto's anything in the past I've suggested we purchase for our mom). So...I call his cell phone and get his wife. I ask her..what the emergency is..and she seemed shocked. The only thing she could think of was that my Mom's house is being painted Thursday..and he wanted to let me know what the my portion of the bill was going to be. WTF?? He called the jokers back and told them..go ahead..paint the house..knowing full well of my offer to drive 600miles to do it for free..and then had the gall to say.."My sister and I will pay for it"...

    I just got off the phone with my Mom. She shares the same story. "Your brother has offered to pay for it..but you don't have to if you don't want to"...oh yea..right..like I'm going to say NO? especially NOW?

    I'm just pissed. :cursing: Its not the money...its probably cheaper to pay the price than to take the time off of work, drive out there and paint the friggin house in the dry hot sun..Its the principal of the fact. I feel he should have consulted with me before committing me. Its called respect!

    Am I being valid in my feelings...?? THOUGHTS?
  2. I think you're definitely right to feel this way.

    But being a do-it-yourself queen, in the end you'll be glad your bro split the amount and just had it professionally painted! lol... I'd hire everything out that I've done myself if I had it to do over again! NOT worth the pain and hassle! lol

    But it does suck that he did that to you!
  3. OMG, YES! you are completely valid in your thoughts. Whats up w/ your brother speaking & spending $ on your behalf. He has the nerve to call you & tell you its "an emergency"? Why? Because he wants to make sure he gets the $ from you???? I would be really ticked. I have a brother that I am not close to & we DO NOT agree on how to do things. If he EVER did such a thing I think I would go through the phone at him!

    I would pay the money for my mother BUT I would let my brother know in NO uncertain terms that he is COMPLETELY wrong & that you are only doing it for your mother. Next time he can call you and discuss sharing such expenses or HE can pay for it like a BIG BOY! What a little piss ant!

    Sorry for your frustration! We can pick our friends, but not our family!

    Hope things work out okay!
  4. Ugh, my brother is exactly like that except he is loose with his money and is usually trying to scam something for free instead of being a tightwad.

    Let him know exaclty how you feel. Assure your mother that you will do everything in your power to always help her but make sure your bro knows he was wrong and his behavior will not be tolerated!
  5. Sounds like something my husband's family would pull. Your feelings are justified. I'd certainly let him know he overstepped, but beyond that I don't know what you can do.
  6. THIS is exactly what I was thinking! My DH's family was always doing this kinda stuff. They don't think very highly of me now, but they have stopped taking advantage of us after I made him be honest and tell them the deal! My DH and I got volunteered to buy one of them a CAR once because we have a little more than some do. That doesnt mean we should get taken advantage of!! (he ended up doing it... but totally against my wishes!!)

    OP- I would nail my bro to the wall! Mine is always buying hugely expensive gifts for holidays for my folks and expecting me to pitch in half without even asking me. He just calls later and says your part is $2,000 or blah blah amount. I had to set him straight too! lol :cursing:
  7. Definetely talk with your brother about this. Nip it in the bud before this becomes a bigger problem. It will probably be difficult since he could pull a mom guilt trip, but I hope your mom is someone reasonable enough to understand your frustrations. Must say nothing worse than a FAMILY member trying to take advantage of you. Ugh!!
  8. I think you def. have a valid reason to be upset. You are right, it is not about the money but the respect. I'm sorry.
  9. aw lv i'm sorry that happened... were you able to speak to your brother about it?

    btw -- you're very sweet to care about your mother like that :smile:.
  10. well..my brother finally called me back. His opening statement was..."I'm gonna need you to go into the painting deal for Mom and pay half".

    My response to his was "I understand you've decided this...and I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT!!".

    He argued and had the nerve to tell me.."You don't have time to do it"..I barked back and said.."How do you know whether or not I have the time..thats not for you to decide" (he's right..but I would have made the time).

    He told me he's tired of getting the guilt trip from my Mom about never helping her out around her house. I SAY BULL SH*T! He's just trying to make himself feel better because he doesn't ever want to help her....and by "Buying" her off..it makes up for all the times he's refused her requests.

    I will pay the darn bill..but I clearly stated I wanted an estimate statement faxed to me before they started the job and also I would not be sending any money until the job was finished and done correctly. I also told him this was the ONLY time I would give in to his lack of respect for me. Unless I'm included in the conversation as far as me paying for something, there will be NO MONEY going anywhere.

    thanks everyone for listening to my rant. I feel much better getting it out.
  11. I'm sorry...but you are right.
  12. I think you have every right to be annoyed, but at least you had it out with him and told him how you feel.

    I have a brother that is sooooo tight with money, it's just become a joke to us now. When we were little kids (like 12 years old or something) if we borrowed money from him(like 5 dollars or so), he would draw up a contract and charge us interest. I am not kidding. He was that bad. He is now a CPA. Go figure:smile:
  13. Ohmygosh! Why not teach him a lesson and make him pay for the entire thing. You told him you would do it yourself and he has no right to tell the painters to go ahead unless he is taking on responsibility...otherwise he needed to talk to you about it first, like you stated.

    Alright, but really you did the nice thing to agree with him...but I would have made him sweat a little. :smile:
  14. It sounds as if you handled a nasty situation in the best possible way.

  15. sounds like my DH's family too... :-]