I'm confused...what should i do with him?

#76
physical violence of any sort is a no no get out now while you can it will get worse! Everything passes & you will get over this guy he has no deep consideration for you & you deserve better!
 
#77
Gosh! This couldn't happen to a more sweeter person!!! I'm sooo sorry to hear this. I realized through a couple of relationships that breaking up is not the end of the world and that there are plenty other men left in the world. I know you love him, but his violent behavior is just not right. It is not worth the time to invest in a relationship that may worsen over time. You have bigger and better things to do.

Enjoy your trip as it will definitely give you time to think over your situation. I wish you the best!!!!!!!! :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:
 
#78
bb10lue, although I have not had an experience like yours (and therefore shouldn't really give any advice...) please be very, very careful.

I have read too many magazine articles that sounded like your story...you love him a lot, but he physically pushed you and this time wasn't the first time. He apologizes, you kind of give in a little on the inside, you stay with him thinking that it may not happen again. It will only get worse, no matter how sincere his apology was.

Enjoy your trip, and have a good "think" about this...and when you come back, sit him down and talk to him (although you are planning on doing that anyway, I didn't need to say that). See how he feels and let him know how you felt about his physical violence towards you. If anything SIMILAR happens again, for your own safety, I think it's time you find another love who will appreciate you more.

All the best!!
 
#79
I know people are going to automatically say "leave him" whenever they hear something physical has happened. The truth is, people do get angry and sometimes you do get slapped or pushed. I've been in two relationships with men who have "firecracker" personalities, and when they've gotten mad on rare occasion, I have been pushed and slapped. I'm not saying this is healthy, but in some cases, it can be worked out. I suggest counseling. It really helped with the relationship prior to the one I'm in now, and we were able to end things amicably, and still remain friends.

I take pause, however, if you become afraid of that person or don't really feel safe with that person. At that moment, you shouldn't hesitate to walk out.

In your first post, however, I note you said that you don't feel "happy". If this feeling is not temporary, you should get out of this relationship immediately. Life is too short to be unhappy, and you look young.
 
#80
Wow. You are going through a lot. In any relationship you have to work at it, but that does not mean physical violence should be tolerated. I think that you need to assess your own personal worth, your own sense of who you are and who you want to be. This guy is showing you signs of probably things to come...MORE VIOLENCE! I've known of women that stayed around in relationships that had early warning signs of danger, ignored it, ended up disfigured or dead. I know because I met the men that killed them. They always told me..."I didn't mean to do it. It got out of control. I got out of control".
I can't tell you what to do, but I certainly can tell you to trust your gut, if it isn't feeling right...it probably isn't.
 
#81
[SIZE=-1]According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, abuse often begins with non-physical, verbal behaviors such as name-calling, threats, belittling, and hitting or destroying property or belongings of the target.

[/SIZE] [SIZE=-1]Domestic violence includes:[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=-1]Battering, hitting, punching, shoving, choking, hair pulling, slapping, tripping, kicking, pushing, etc[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=-1]Marital rape[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=-1]Date Rape[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=-1]Holding a weapon on you such as a gun or a knife or even threatening to do it[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=-1]Trying to shoot, cut, spank or hurt you with any object, destroying inanimate objects
    [/SIZE]
 
#82
Hope you're feeling better, bb10lue, and are having a good time away. Lots of wisdom shared with you here but felt like adding my two cents. No one likes to have a failed relationship but sometimes things just don't work out. While many issues can be addressed and resolved through the effort of both parties, physical violence or the threat of it is a good reason to seriously consider the future of your relationship. Violence is not okay.

You mentioned in an earlier post that you sometimes second guess yourself after he's apologized. We have all done that. Deep down, though, your gut is always right. Trust it. Good luck.
 
#84
Thank you ladies!!! Im so glad that i've found this forum!!!I feel so MUCH BETTER now, im enjoying my time here:beach: (lots of shopping and sightseeing:heart:). He keeps calling and messaging me, we've agreed to have a talk when i go back next month. Im still not 100% sure if im doing the right thing, but I kinda wanna give this relationship another chance....Some of you may think that I'm making a HUGE mistake, but sometimes its just so much easier to say than do it.

I'll keep you guys posted:yes:.
 
#85
I'm sure he's begging and being very sweet and charming, but if he's been violent once, he's likely do it again...I mean I can't tell you what to do, and I know it's probably easier to stick with him, but I don't see a happy ending here. Anyway, I only know what you've posted, so I could be wrong. Good luck either way, and I'm glad you're enjoying your vacay.
 
#86
i couldnt bring myself to read thru all 6 pages...so just read first page and last page. just wanted to say this...butter may be a small thing, but if a guy loves u, he will definitely put the effort into not putting butter in the meal just to make u smile...if u get my drift :yes:
 
#87
bb10lue said:
...so much easier to say than do it...
Click to expand...

You are absolutely right about that. It's true of getting up in the morning, doing laundry, paying bills, lots of things.

But just as this is more difficult than any of that, this is more important than any of that, more important than your job, your credit score, even whether you eat right and exercise.

There are millions of women who remain in abusive relationships because they feel trapped. They don't have family or friends to turn to, they may live where there are no organizations to help them, or they may not know about ones that are there. Some may feel that they must remain in the relationship in order for their children to have food, others may have self-esteem issues and feel that they cannot and should not expect anything better, even that they are not worth something better.

You mention "going back next month," which suggests to me that you do have options, specifically another place to be, away from him, a place where you are safe.

Although I feel very strongly that it is inappropriate to tell people what to do, especially people one does not know on internet message boards, I make an exception for this issue.

Stay where you are. Do not go and have any talks with him. He does need to talk to someone, but that someone is a professional, not you. You have your own life to think about, and your own life is exactly what is at stake.

Many abusers who kill their victims do not actually mean to. They only mean to push or hit them, but something goes wrong, the victim may lose her balance and fall against something, the force of the push or the blow may be greater than the resilience of the victim's body.

In almost all cases, the abuser had resolved, and promised at least once, that he would never attack the victim again. Frequently within the context of a contrite and tearful apology.

If you will not consider your own life worth saving, consider his. Should he inadvertantly kill you, in a momentary lapse of forgetting his tearful and contrite and totally sincere pledge never to push you again, how do you think such an event will affect him, and his life?

If it will make it easier for you, think of it as a responsibility that you have to protect him from the consequences of such an occurence.
 
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