If you caught...
- Thread starter karman
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I would probably make some sort of joke to show him it's okay and maybe look along with him. LOL.
Ummm...you've already found out that he's the type. Honestly, if he's male, he's the type. Some of them are just more subtle about it than others.
The fact that you would both be embarassed to talk about it concerns me a little. I think you mentioned upthread that it's not a serious relationship, but when two adults who love each other can't talk about sex openly, it's a bit of a red flag IMO.
I have been down this road several times, to varying degrees. Mostly it was no big deal, I have no problem with it in general. But once it was a GIANT FLAMING PROBLEM and a contributor to my divorce. I know all guys use pr0n, and I didn't really think anything of my now-ex doing it...until one day I was trying to fix something on his PC and discovered that he had literally 30+ GB of this stuff saved on his hard drive. Think of the kinkiest material you can possibly imagine, and then intensify it times ten - that's what I found. Except for outright child pr0n, every other hardcore genre was represented. I don't judge him for what he's into, but a lot of it was disturbing...so I investigated a little. When I checked the dates/times he downloaded all these files, I not only learned what he was doing after I went to bed at night, but also what he did after I left for work in the morning, while I was out taking my kid to sports practice, when I was at the grocery store...and why he wasn't finding a job after six months of "looking" on the internet.
I wish that he'd talked with me about it much earlier - maybe I could have helped prevent it from becoming an addiction.Karman, I am not saying this to scare you, or in any way suggesting this is the case with your guy, but it's important that you talk about it - even if you just bring it up casually so that he knows you know...and that you think it's no big deal. As someone wisely mentioned upthread, it's not good if anyone is sneaking around, nor is it good if anyone feels like they have to.
This thread sent shivers through me but I thought I would contribute anyway. I caught my EX husband into internet porn almost 10 years ago. It was mostly young teenage or schoolgirl stuff & some incest so i threw him out, too much of a risk with young son & daughter in the house. Anyway i wouldnt want to be with a freak like that! Funny I was going to start a thread here to see if anyone else had difficulty getting over a break up I never have, not because I love him or anything just the whole trauma of the situation, what do you guys think?
i know i dont belong on this thread AT all. but one thing came to mind...
maybe it was a pop up..
that happens all the time to computers with bugs...
if not, then you need to talk..
maybe it was a pop up..
that happens all the time to computers with bugs...
if not, then you need to talk..
Ummm...you've already found out that he's the type. Honestly, if he's male, he's the type. Some of them are just more subtle about it than others.
The fact that you would both be embarassed to talk about it concerns me a little. I think you mentioned upthread that it's not a serious relationship, but when two adults who love each other can't talk about sex openly, it's a bit of a red flag IMO.
I have been down this road several times, to varying degrees. Mostly it was no big deal, I have no problem with it in general. But once it was a GIANT FLAMING PROBLEM and a contributor to my divorce. I know all guys use pr0n, and I didn't really think anything of my now-ex doing it...until one day I was trying to fix something on his PC and discovered that he had literally 30+ GB of this stuff saved on his hard drive. Think of the kinkiest material you can possibly imagine, and then intensify it times ten - that's what I found. Except for outright child pr0n, every other hardcore genre was represented. I don't judge him for what he's into, but a lot of it was disturbing...so I investigated a little. When I checked the dates/times he downloaded all these files, I not only learned what he was doing after I went to bed at night, but also what he did after I left for work in the morning, while I was out taking my kid to sports practice, when I was at the grocery store...and why he wasn't finding a job after six months of "looking" on the internet.
Karman, I am not saying this to scare you, or in any way suggesting this is the case with your guy, but it's important that you talk about it - even if you just bring it up casually so that he knows you know...and that you think it's no big deal. As someone wisely mentioned upthread, it's not good if anyone is sneaking around, nor is it good if anyone feels like they have to.
By "type", I didn't mean that he wasn't the "type" to watch porn.
I said that he wasn't the "type" to defend himself by saying "All guys are like that," I've been through enough and long enough with him to know that he doesn't say things like that. If I bring it up, I know there is NO PROBLEM with us talking about it, but I personally just don't feel comfortable with it, as I've mentioned a couple times already.
Honestly, as I've said many times already, I appreciate ALL the advice and comments that I've received in this thread...but in the end, I really think you need to know what kind of person my boyfriend IS in order to know what to do. Trust me, he is NOT like any other guy. And maybe I'm biased because I'm his girlfriend, but everyone I know thinks I'm the luckiest girl ever to have this guy...and they mean it.
Call me naive, idealistic, or whatever...but I really DON'T think it's a big deal at all. This guy is 22, and is still young and immature. I can see why it's a big problem if he is 29, 34, etc...and maybe when he still does it when he's older (which I think he will, because all guys DO watch porn) I will talk to him about it. But, being 18 myself, I just don't think I NEED to talk to him. Yes, if we were in a serious, serious relationship and we're about to go through a big milestone in our lives (getting engaged, getting married, having children), I really don't feel the NEED to talk to him.
Anyways, I HAVE indeed brought it up casually since the last time I posted in this thread that I know he does it. He seemed to act normal afterwards, although I did see a little blush. Nothing serious though.
If I sounded...offensive/like I was offended in this post, I wasn't. SO, I apologize in advance..but I really DO appreciate all of your input. It's kind of hard to type stuff after waking up from an 8-hour sleep to end my 22-hour school/work day.
Please don't be offended but if you were not disturbed by this you would not have started this post. I think you are now making excuses to defend his actions, sorry!
Sorry, I think you are misunderstanding my actions, I am not making "excuses".
I will be honest and say I was disturbed by his actions at the BEGINNING. It has been a week and I have thought things over. It doesn't bother me now. I think I said that in a couple posts already.
To follow up my post from a couple minutes ago...
BagAngel, I said that because I was a little hurt that you said I was making "excuses". It really does seem to me that when people type "Don't be offended..." the statement following will do just that. If you think I will be offended by it, why did you say it?
Obviously, I posted a question on here because I trusted that my fellow TPFers would give me a replies that will guide me on what to do...I have came to a decision, and that is what I wanted in a first place...to decide on what to do.
I didn't come here to have anyone say that I am making excuses. If I am now making excuses, why did I ask what I should do in the first place? I respect your opinion in that you wouldn't trust a person watching porn and "sneaking around"...but can't you respect my decision to not to say anything to him at all, rather than saying that I'm making excuses, when you don't even know what kind of person I am IRL?
BagAngel, I said that because I was a little hurt that you said I was making "excuses". It really does seem to me that when people type "Don't be offended..." the statement following will do just that. If you think I will be offended by it, why did you say it?
Obviously, I posted a question on here because I trusted that my fellow TPFers would give me a replies that will guide me on what to do...I have came to a decision, and that is what I wanted in a first place...to decide on what to do.
I didn't come here to have anyone say that I am making excuses. If I am now making excuses, why did I ask what I should do in the first place? I respect your opinion in that you wouldn't trust a person watching porn and "sneaking around"...but can't you respect my decision to not to say anything to him at all, rather than saying that I'm making excuses, when you don't even know what kind of person I am IRL?
Sorry if you were offended I didn't mean to hurt just trying to help. You did ask for opinions. Perhaps it is just that I cannot understand anyone defending someone who does that as I feel that once to have that tendency a man will always have it & it could develop into a real obsession with pornography. I was only looking out for you in the future. Glad that you have come to a decision I hope it is the right one for you. Good luck!
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