I want another child but have doubts...

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  1. I totally understand how you feel. I just had my first, I want four and after having my daughter I can't imagine loving another child as much as I love her. I would feel as if I was robbing her of the love and attention she deserves if I was to have a second. But at the same time I have the strong desire for more children. I grew up an only child and I love the bond I have with my mother, I know it would not be the same if I had siblings and I wouldn't want it any other way. It is a difficult decision, but then I look at all the wonderful families with multiple children and if they can have that, then I know I can. :biggrin:

    Plus like others have said, you don't want to regret not having another child when it is too late. :yes:
  2. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, vhdos and other mummies. Most of all, thanks Saute for starting this tread. I started telling my son he's a big brother now but he will always be our baby, the big baby. Silly, I know because a 14-month probably won't understand what I am saying. It's really for myself I guess.

    Did any of your first born express jealousy? and how did you deal with it?

  3. KK, none of my children experienced jealousy. We're kind of a "special" family since my oldest child (Nicole) came after the birth of our second child (Julia). Nicole is my cousin that my husband and I adopted. When Alex came (our youngest) none of the girls were jealous. They were thrilled to have another person to play with. I included both of them as much as I could in the daily "baby-activities". They helped change diapers, wash bottles, make bottles, push the carriage, helped strap in the baby in the car seat, helped pick out clothes, helped burp the baby, etc etc etc.

    I think that's really key in preventing jealousy. Try and include them as much as you can and don't be scared that they will hurt the baby. Babies are very robust :smile:
  4. No jealousy here at all. In fact, my first-born pretty much just ignored my second-born until he was old enough to interact with her. They are now 5 and 6 and jealousy is still not an issue.
  5. not a mom, but just wanted to share a little perspective.

    Im the oldest of 2. I LOVED having a brother. There is always enough love to go around, and sometimes when your mom/dad/whoever, is a little short on love that day, you have your sibling. My brother and I were polar opposites and we fought like crazy most of the time, but there were those moments of uncertainty in our lives when we really appreciated each other...when the parents would fight, a dog would die, we had to move. it was nice to have someone who just understood.

    If you're thinking about it and really think you might want another but are just scared...do it. Any amount of love and attention you think they might lose from you, they will gain from their sibling.

    Good luck with your decision!
  6. ^Excellent point. I didn't even think about the love from a sibling:smile:
  7. wow, it's like you are thinking my thoughts, that's exactly how I feel.
  8. we had the same thing. my first was only 20 months when my son was born, and she pretty much did her thing and ignored him/oblivious to him until he was old enough to play with her. now they are best friends, no jealousy at all. in fact, they share everything. if we go to a party that just my daughter is invited to (say for a classmate), in the car she is dividing up her goody bag to share with her brother. they just got sticker books, and were switching stickers back and forth because they knew the other liked certain characters. it's nice to watch them together.
  9. Saute - I'm in the same boat! Still thinking.....I would be happy with one but I know my husband doesn't. I'm chinese and it's the chinese belief to have another one as soon as your baby sucks his toes, which is between 6 to 8 months. I guess that's true to a certain extend as if the gap is too wide, mothers will just settle for what they have (ahem, seems like I'm feeling this way). Bear in mind that back in the olden days, a family should have 5 to 8 children!

    Call me selfish although I had a very smooth pregnancy and delivery, I just don't want to go through that as it causes many setbacks, my career, time needed to get back to shape to enjoy my old clothes....argh, the thought of having another is really too troublesome! Am I nuts?
  10. #25 Sep 27, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2010
    I couldn't agree more! Someone once told me that siblings are the best gift a parent could give their child (for the most part). They can have someone to play with, share, love, protect. When parents are gone, sibling still have each other.

    Sara: I just love having brothers too! My oldest is so protective and I always felt like guys need to watch out b/c they mess with my my big bro with beat them up! :lol:

    I waited 10 years to have my 2nd and I had the same feelings many have mentioned....but I couldn't love my youngest more than I do. It really amazing how much love we can hold in our hearts.

    Another thing is that I sometimes feel so bad b/c my oldest grew up alone, no siblings or even cousins. Recently our neighbor (who is around his age) moved so now he's so lonely. Nobody to really play with. It made me realize that I don't want my youngest to go through that too. So I don't want to wait too long before having another one...perhaps another year.