I want another child but have doubts...

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  1. I know this is kinda stupid but I can´t help it.
    The thing is I have an amazing daughter: she´s smart, funny, considerate, polite, beautiful, healthy... Just perfect. Love her to bits and I´m so proud of her.
    I´m nearing my mid thirties and have always thought I´d have two kids before my forties, so the clock is ticking. The only problem is that I´m scared I can´t hit the jackpot twice, so to speak. I feel like I couldn´t be blessed with two amazing kids.
    This is so irrational ´cause of course, as a mother, I would love both of my kids just as much. I don´t know what´s wrong with me, maybe I´m getting cold feet because I know I have to make the desicion now or forever be content with only one child.
    I don´t even have a question for you to answer, maybe all I need is your thoughts in this matter. Thanks.
     
  2. Your thoughts are not irrational.
    After my daughter was born, I never thought that I could ever love another child as much as I love her. I even talked to my DH about my feelings.
    My second child was a boy and I love him just as much as I love my daughter:smile:
    The best part about having two is that it helped us balance out our family. For a while there, we were concerned about spoiling our first-born, but all of that changed when the second-born entered the picture.
     
  3. Thanks for posting, Saute. Now i know I am not alone although my sentiment is a little different than yours. We just found out that we are pregnant, we are happy but I just feel sorry and sad for our 14-month old son that he will not get all my love and attention when the new baby is born (he will be less than 2). I wonder if I will be able to love him as much after. I know my love to our dog has changed after our son was born (I know a pet is different, but he was our first baby). I am planning on reading up on how to make sure your first born feels loved when a new baby joins the family, especially right after.
     
  4. Awww! It's a BIG decision!
    You'll have 2 amazing kids if you choose to have another. I can say, don't have regrets. I can tell my MIL regrets not having a 3rd.
    You'll never regret having the 2nd one, but if you don't have the 2nd you may regret it.
    Just a thought.
     
  5. OP, this is an entirely natural feeling. I was absolutely positive that I could never love another baby as much as I loved my first. I actually felt awful for my second child before he was born because I thought he would always be second-best in my mind and my heart. You sometimes don't realize how much love is possible until you have another child. I have three children now, and each is as perfect as the next. I absolutely adore each and every one of them and love them madly. Families "hit the jackpot" again every day. :smile:
     
  6. It definitely is natural to feel guilty for not giving enough time to the first born. We are going through the same thing too. My husband joked around that he would be ok with one child but I allways wanted 2 kids so they would have a bond of some sort. Now that I'm pregnant and our son is approaching 4yrs, I've made it a thing to include my son on my pregnancy. I know your first born may be too young to understand but I think once #2 is born, they'll be so close you wouldn't even have the guilty feelings.. let alone have time to think about it.
    Congrats with #2.
     
  7. No worries, your first-born will be just fine:smile: In fact, it's probably better for your first-born in the long run because then there is less of a chance to spoil them rotten. You'll find the right balance for the whole family.
    I got pregnant (unplanned) when our first-born was only 6 months-old, so I know the feeling.
    And, no, it's nothing like a dog. We dealt with those feelings too becasue our dog was our first baby too:P As much as we love our dog, he is still just a dog and not a person.
     
  8. We are thinking about baby #2 and these feelings have gone through my head too. But I keep reminding myself how silly it was that when I was pregnant I kept wondering if we would love our daughter as much as our first born (our pug). And, YES, I really wondered if I would love DD as much as our dog ;)
     
  9. I'm going through the same thing! Just love my little boy so much...I couldn't have asked for a better baby - he's such a sweatheart. But my DH is anxious to have our second. But I'm scared...worried that the second time around won't be as great. Just last night we were talking about it again and I said to him "what if the next one sucks?" Ha-ha! You never know until you try right? ;) But as irrational as my feelings are sometimes - I'm sure I'll love the second one just the same.
     
  10. Ah, now you see, I have a theory that the child is only as good as the parent. I other words, its all down to your parenting skills. If you've had one amazing child, I'd be pretty confidant your second would be just as amazing.

    I am pg with my second child btw. And, just like yours, my DD is funny, independent, social, bright, and engaging. She is three now and is actually extremely excited about having a little brother or sister. Having her react like this has really eased the fears I had about not loving the second baby as much, or the new baby not being as 'great' a baby as she was.

    I also wouldn't pressurise your self on the time issue too much. I think that would be your mistake. Have a baby when the time is right for all of you.
     
  11. This is such a useful thread! OP and many other ladies out there, I am feeling the same! I am so in love with DD and as a working mum, I will feel even more guilty if I were to have another child. I also do not wanna neglect my second child if he or she is made one day. Another thing is I will be studying masters next yr n it's a 3 yrs part time coz while I am working full time so am I rite to say tt I can only think of having a second child after grad? DH is totally convinced tt he will never love the second one the same cos he is so madly in Love with DD! So we r on the same boat, more or less!
     
  12. my fears were a little different. I always wanted the second and couldn't get in there fast enough. my first is a boy and I totally believe that kids benefit from each other and you don't end up spoiling one too much, like vhdos said.

    but I wanted it to be another boy. I freaked out when I found out it was a girl, like really freaked. that is long gone since, she is 2 now and I love her as much as my DS. actually I am debating no 3 at this point. I think any such feeling like you are experiencing right now is normal
     
  13. OP, I just want to give you a friendly hug :hugs:and say it'll be ok if you have a second child. Really.

    When I was pregnant with #2, I was concerned about the same things. We now have 6 children, and I just chuckle at some of the stuff I used to worry about...
     
  14. Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts :flowers: It´s a huge relief to realize I´m not the only one feeling like this.
    I know that once I make up my mind and if the decision is to have another baby all my doubts will disappear. Motherhood is a wonderful thing but the amount of self doubt it brings along is overwhelming :girlsigh:
     
  15. And isabellam: Six kids, wow!!!! How do you manage?
    And thanks for the hug :smile: