i just got back from a trip to visit a very old friend of mine halfway across the country. he and i have had feelings on and off for each other for about 8 years, and we haven't really been in the position to see each other for quite some time (years, in fact). i was nervous about the trip, because i care for him a great deal regardless of any romantic feelings i have for him. we've always had great chemistry, and i was afraid that since all these years have passed, maybe that wouldn't be there in person anymore and it would mess up our relationship, even as just friends. well, i couldn't have been more wrong. i had the best 4 days that i can remember having in a very, very long time and he was beyond wonderful. i don't think i've ever been treated that well by a man in my entire life. the connection and chemistry that we've always had were more than there - they couldn't be ignored. it went better than i could have imagined. i cried all the way through the airport (although i kept it together fairly well in front of him, we both shed a tear or two), all the way home, and i've been crying on and off since thursday. i miss him so much that i can't stand it. the loneliness is palpable. the thing is that neither of us wants a long distance relationship - we both know that they usually don't work and that they can sometimes doom relationships that would have been otherwise successful and we don't want to lose each other because of it. also, we're both young, and we both realize that we have things to learn and mistakes to make before we can be for each other what we need to be in order to last. because of this, we've decided that we need to date other people, at least until the end of college when we can potentially be in some sort of physical proximity. i'm more than willing to move for what i think i can have with him. at this point, though, the thought of him with another girl kills me. it absolutely rips me apart. i don't want him to meet someone else and get caught up and us to miss our chance, and i don't want to do that either. i'm terrified, absolutely terrified, that he'll be the one that got away. he said it would break his heart if i up and married someone else before we got our chance, and i feel the same way, but sometimes life gets in the way, you know? at some point, reality hits you. i just don't want to wonder for the rest of my life if what i could have had with him would be better than what i could have with anyone else. i don't want him to be the one that got away, but a long distance relationship would probably doom us regardless of how much we care about each other, and i can't expect him to wait for me for two years. i'm going crazy here, because i can't talk to him. his phone broke while i was there and he won't have a replacement until the middle of the week. i don't know what he's feeling and i haven't heard his voice since he told me goodbye at the airport and i'm ready to implode because of it. i miss him so much. i don't know what i'm going to do. so, any thoughts? advice? been in a similar situation? i just need something to get me through the initial shock of being without him. sorry that this was so long, but normally he'd be the one i'd let this stuff out to, and i can't do that right now, so i really don't know where else to go. i know y'all won't judge me, though, so here i am.