I might have to murder my neice....

#16
I'm sure the way she acts is because her mom never told her to say thank you and please and all the niceities we are taught when we are young.
It appears your sister isn't teaching the children the manners they need and considering she doesn't have custody of 2 of them, someone else should be teaching them.
She will probably know when she gets older that she needs to be thankful but I really hope her mothers bad habits don't get picked up by her because that just would be really sad.
I would keep doing nice things for your sisters kids when you want to and not to expect anything in return. Just do less than you used to but it seems like they still need some happiness in their life.
 
#17
Ethan's Mommy said:
Hello again

I guess I'll say more about why I said what I said about my sister. She is a drug-addicted person who keeps letting these loser guys knock her up. She has 3 kids now and doesn't have custody of two of them. I now am more of a mother to these children. This is my choice of course but like I am going to let them have their childhood go by without doign things for them that their mother and Grandparen'ts won't do.

WIth my neice...Last year I took her on a huge shopping spree and day out for her birthday. After over $200 and a nice meail she did not ONCE say thank you. She NEVER does for anything that I do for her. With everythign now you have to prompt her with "what do you say?" THE GIRL IS 10!

When she dropped the camera..there was no "i'm sorry." she WALKED away like nothing happened! It took 4 hours for me to finally tell her that she needs to apologize! Havign her say it after I told her she needed to doesn't really do much for me not being angry. We also gave her her birthday presents before the circus..again, no thank you at all. We didn't even get thanked for taking them to the circus and buying them the candy and letting them do all the fun things like get their faces painted

It just feels like, with my sister and her kids there is no appreciation for anything. Knowing my financial situatin (a HUGE issue in why I am upset about having to pay for a new camera or to fix it) she came to my house yesterday to "visit." In the end all she did was talk about only having $13 to her name. I knew very well she wanted me to offer her some money. Not going to happen.

So with no apologies or thank-you's, my guy and I have decided that it is no longer our issue to help these kids have fun things in their lives.

so it's OK if you don't agree with what I'm saying but if you were there I think you would empathize with how angry I am! She just WALKED AWAY!
Click to expand...


Ahh Now I understand more. The anger is more out of her uncaringness (is that a word?LOL) toward breaking the camera and her non-thank you's toward your gifts. I ABSOLUTELY understand that aspect of it! :yes:

Unfortunately it is usually the parents who teach the children those things and your sister seems to be doing a bad job of parenting (as you realize). And I understand you want to do nice things for her because you want to be nice and make sure she has fun and nice things. Perhaps you can have a chat with her and let her know if she continues with this behavior then she will no LONGER be having fun times with auntie!?!:shrugs:
 
#19
Syntagma said:
Ahh Now I understand more. The anger is more out of her uncaringness (is that a word?LOL) toward breaking the camera and her non-thank you's toward your gifts. I ABSOLUTELY understand that aspect of it! :yes:

Unfortunately it is usually the parents who teach the children those things and your sister seems to be doing a bad job of parenting (as you realize). And I understand you want to do nice things for her because you want to be nice and make sure she has fun and nice things. Perhaps you can have a chat with her and let her know if she continues with this behavior then she will no LONGER be having fun times with auntie!?!:shrugs:
Click to expand...


I agree with this. Hopefully at 10, she will understand and learn to be more respectful.
 
#20
Sorry you have such responsibilities when it comes to your sister & her kids, that must be really hard for you.
I know how frustrating it is when someone that you do so much for doesn't say thank you. I guess the kid has never been taught. You should just try to explain to her some proper socialising in a nice way, she will probably catch on fast & I am sure she really does appreciate all you do for her when her mum is so negligent.
Pity you cannot get your sis into some kind of rehab.

Regarding the camera, I did that myself, dropped a good digital on my kitchen floor which is slate. It would have cost too much to fix it also, almost as much as a new one. It is very frustrating when one minute you have something next you don't.

Keep the chin up, you are doing a great thing helping those kids. They will always know what you did for them!
 
#21
Come on EthansMommy! The baby is 10! By your own admission she comes from a dysfunctional home. Her mother is drug addicted according to you. I can't imagine what that is like but I KNOW that it must be difficult for a child to live through! Imagine how unstable her life is.

I bet people are always snapping at her for some reason or another. Which is probably why she just walked away when she dropped the camera! She probably knew you would explode and she's probably seen a lot of that from her mother in her life! God, it seems that she doesn't have a mother or father or even grandparents involved. Poor child!

I am an aunt. I have a niece and nephew who are college aged now. I would do anything in this world for them and they know it. What I do for them has nothing to do with my sister and BIL (they are very loving and wonderful parents btw). I do things for them because I want to do so. Also, I used to babysit for them while I was in high school and college while they were still young and I purchased things for them all of the time. I never expected them to thank me for those things! Yes, my sis and bil were appreciative and that does make a difference but I'd do it anyway because I love those kids.

If your sister is drug addicted then she has issues and you can't expect better from her. Get mad at her! Not her kids---your niece/nephews!

I do hope you can see the bigger picture here. Your camera is really not very important at all. There is so much more going on in your family that's way more important than a camera. I feel for those kids!
 
#22
Syntagma said:
Ahh Now I understand more. The anger is more out of her uncaringness (is that a word?LOL) toward breaking the camera and her non-thank you's toward your gifts. I ABSOLUTELY understand that aspect of it! :yes:
Click to expand...

Ah, now I get it...

But this is one of the reasons that I think you should stay in her life more, rather than walk out of it. It seems to be the easier (and much less stressful) thing to keep your distance, but what would happen if you tried to enforce good manners, even for the short time she was with you? I distinctly remember being reprimanded for minor social errors not only by my parents but also by my grandparents, aunts etc. Of course at that time they were annoying, but in retrospect I appreciate the time and energy that these women put into my future. In a previous post I have mentioned that it almost took a whole village to raise me and that is something I now truly appreciate.

I think it would be nice for you not to give presents but to do something constructive with the child - take her for a hike, take her and her brother for a picnic, teach her to bake a cake - some things that don't involve money or expensive equipment, but something that makes you spend some time with her. When we grow up we don't really remember the aunt who paid for the piano lesson, but we do remember the aunt who taught us to make cookies.
 
#23
You shouldn't blame your sis for having multiple kids. It's probably an accident since kids are just... kids!

Buy a new camera. Don't fix it since even if it's fixed, your camera just might not be the same anymore.

Edit: Ok, I just read your later posts. I understand what u mean now. :sad:
 
#24
OP, I feel your pain in a similar way. My husband has 2 sisters, one married and one divorced, and each sister has one child. They are 4 and 1. We send the children gifts for their birthdays and Christmas. We NEVER get any thank yous or acknowledgements for any of the gifts. But, that's just how his family is. His parents don't recognize my birthday and they ignore our anniversary.

It's too bad that your sister has so many problems and it's rubbing off on her daughter. Your niece is lucky to have you as a role model. I hope that even with the frustrations, you'll continue to help mold her into a better person.
 
#25
okay, the fog is lifting here.
the kid is only 10 years old and has not had the greatest of examples when it comes to proper behavior. I will bet money that she is extremely angry inside whether she says so or not (again, only 10) and acts out in ways that will get a rise out of people cause her mom probably totally neglects her. she probably feels that life thus far has been really unfair to her and that she doesn't have the normal mom/home life that her friends may have therefore is not very quick with her "thank yous" or "I'm sorry" cause she feels if anyone deserves a thank you or I'm sorry, she should be first in line for the cards that life has dealt her.
do things for your nieces/nephews because you want to do nice things for them - not because you are expecting a "thank you". sure we all like to be acknowledged for what we do for others but that should never be the motive. these kids sound like they need you in their lives. they already have one thankless, resentful woman in their lives and it happens to be what should be the most important emotional support - mom. try the best you can to be selfless when it comes to them. when they get older, they will be thankful and grateful they have you when they are mature enough to realize it. you have an opportunity here to be a great, loving example of a giving, selfless human being. often times children of addicts grow up to feel a sense of entitlement, that the world owes them for such a crappy childhood. be the one that gives them a better childhood and not by just buying them things. build up their self worth and show them its better to be a loving person than a bitter one. they don't have any manners because they are shown none by their mom. you be their shining light. you be the person they want to emulate. don't let them become another statistic of becoming another addict - numbing the pain their mom has caused.
 
#26
Please don't give up on this little girl. What hope has she got with the mother she has? She needs someone to guide her, otherwise she will grow up following in her mother's footsteps. Perish the thought. (I am sorry about your camera, though).:sad:
 
#27
i hope you're feeling better. you're very kind to give your nephew and niece some love and attention that they might not be getting from their own parents. but you also mentioned that you're financially very tight.

this is one of the advices that my parents gave me before i got married : "once you get married, your family (ie. husband&children) should be your main priority. not your brother/sister, not your parents, parents in law, or brother/sister in law." that doesn't mean that i don't love my brother, parents, parents in law, or sister in law, or other relatives. i'm very close to them and would do anything for them as long as i'm not risking my own family (husband&children)...esp. not my children's education. my dh thinks the same as i do too.

maybe you can give your nephew and niece some guidance, love, and attention in a "cheaper" way? there're lots of places that are free, such as museums, going to the park, etc. it's the attention and spending quality time that would help guide them and make them feel loved. it's not their fault to behave like that...children are innocent when born, it's the way they're brought up that contributes to their behaviour. maybe you can show them/teach them to appreciate more?
 
#29
Sometimes people resent those who do things for them -- either because they can't do it themselves or their [parent] doesn't do it. It's not really to do with you, or lack of gratefulness. It's just hard for them to accept help.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
Back