In response to the chorus of "You have a Flip n' Fold??" followed by howls of derisive laughter that I can hear across the miles from all of you, yes. I have one. My name is ShimmaPuff and I am a Flip n' Fold owner, OK?
Like millions of other viewers, I saw the commercial, or maybe it was an infomercial. Such a revolutionary product, representing such a huge achievement in the thrilling field of personal laundry, must surely have rated an informercial. I don't remember, it was so many years ago.
I did not, however, call the 800 number, despite being informed several times that operators were standing by.
I turned on the computer and went to eBay. It was, remember, so many years ago.
Fate wanted me to be a Flip n' Fold owner, because I found one immediately, with a Buy It Now price below half the one emblazoned on the screen of the infomercial, and - you better sit down for this one - free shipping! This was, you will recall, so many years ago.
The whole story will never be known, at least by me, but the buyer had apparently come into possession of a great number of Flip n' Folds, and was eager to get rid of them.
So I anxiously awaited, and gleefully rejoiced, the arrival of the ungainly-sized but thin box that contained my Flip n' Fold (I chose a blue one).
The truth is that this particular revolutionary personal laundry achievement was especially welcomed by me because I am a person living with Congenital and Inoperable Folding Impairment.
While some people - OK by the time they get to be my age, most people - can do a passable job of folding clothes, and if they really give it a little effort, actually achieve that retail point-of-purchase look of Professional Quality Folding, even of tricky garments like t-shirts, even a hand towel folded by me looks more like a lump of bunched-up hand towel.
Sculpting clothing into shapeless lumps with such unfailing consistency, I had tried to convince myself, is really more artistic, more organic, than those neat little stacks of Professional Quality Folding that I saw in the closets of friends and family members - Mr Puff included!
"Oh, that's OK - I got it," he would always say (quickly) whenever it happened to be HIS clothes that I removed from the dryer, dumped on the bed and picked up a garment with a gleam of folding in my eye.
And then he would smile and in a matter of seconds, deftly transform the heap - including the t-shirts, into neat little stacks of Professional Quality Folding.
And how many times had I come upon my own closet, and find that he had emptied the dryer of my own clothes and there on top of the shapeless lumps - my, um, fabric sculpture - would be - you guessed it - neat little stacks of Professional Quality Folding.
Now, with the help of my Flip n' Fold, was I ever going to show him a thing or two!
But alas! I soon discovered that the Flip n' Fold was not intended to treat Congenital and Inoperable Folding Impairment. No, the Flip n' Fold is meant to do nothing more than save time for those people who have basic folding ability, but just require a bit more time and effort to effect an upgrade to Professional Quality Folding.
First the garment must be perfectly aligned on the Flip n' Fold. (People who can perfectly align garments do not need a Flip n' Fold). Once that impossible task has been approximated to the best of one's ability, then and only then may one perform the joyous flipping As Seen on TV, and the glorious unflip, which will reveal a perfectly and Professional Quality Folded garment.
That's not quite how it happened with me. After several minutes of struggling with that alignment part, my joyous flip and glorious unflip revealed a lump that might, for some people, have vaguely called to mind a rectangular shape. But it was still unmistakably a lump.
Successive attempts continued to produce similar results, and that is pretty much where it stands today.
Even with the aid of the Flip n' Fold, I am incapable of even Beginner Apprentice's First Day Quality Folding.
I have a love-hate relationship with my Flip n' Fold.
Not unlike a starry-eyed teen in love with love, I love the idea of the Flip n' Fold, and of course I love the idea of my closet shelves being inhabited by those neat little stacks, but I hate the Flip n' Fold's unforgiving stance on the Alignment Question, its stubborn and blind adherence to the uncharitably worded "Garbage In, Garbage Out" doctrine, and the resulting disappointment of closet shelves inhabited by lump sculptures whose only difference from their non-Flip n' Folded brothers is a vaguely rectangular shape.
Just as it was that very first time, so many years ago.
Not too long ago Science decreed that hearty laughter provides the same cardio-vascular benefit as excercise, and when I think back to the day the Flip n' Fold arrived, and Mr Puff saw it and was told of its purpose, I realize that I love the fact that thanks to the Flip n' Fold, Mr Puff will not have to exercise again. Ever.
Like millions of other viewers, I saw the commercial, or maybe it was an infomercial. Such a revolutionary product, representing such a huge achievement in the thrilling field of personal laundry, must surely have rated an informercial. I don't remember, it was so many years ago.
I did not, however, call the 800 number, despite being informed several times that operators were standing by.
I turned on the computer and went to eBay. It was, remember, so many years ago.
Fate wanted me to be a Flip n' Fold owner, because I found one immediately, with a Buy It Now price below half the one emblazoned on the screen of the infomercial, and - you better sit down for this one - free shipping! This was, you will recall, so many years ago.
The whole story will never be known, at least by me, but the buyer had apparently come into possession of a great number of Flip n' Folds, and was eager to get rid of them.
So I anxiously awaited, and gleefully rejoiced, the arrival of the ungainly-sized but thin box that contained my Flip n' Fold (I chose a blue one).
The truth is that this particular revolutionary personal laundry achievement was especially welcomed by me because I am a person living with Congenital and Inoperable Folding Impairment.
While some people - OK by the time they get to be my age, most people - can do a passable job of folding clothes, and if they really give it a little effort, actually achieve that retail point-of-purchase look of Professional Quality Folding, even of tricky garments like t-shirts, even a hand towel folded by me looks more like a lump of bunched-up hand towel.
Sculpting clothing into shapeless lumps with such unfailing consistency, I had tried to convince myself, is really more artistic, more organic, than those neat little stacks of Professional Quality Folding that I saw in the closets of friends and family members - Mr Puff included!
"Oh, that's OK - I got it," he would always say (quickly) whenever it happened to be HIS clothes that I removed from the dryer, dumped on the bed and picked up a garment with a gleam of folding in my eye.
And then he would smile and in a matter of seconds, deftly transform the heap - including the t-shirts, into neat little stacks of Professional Quality Folding.
And how many times had I come upon my own closet, and find that he had emptied the dryer of my own clothes and there on top of the shapeless lumps - my, um, fabric sculpture - would be - you guessed it - neat little stacks of Professional Quality Folding.
Now, with the help of my Flip n' Fold, was I ever going to show him a thing or two!
But alas! I soon discovered that the Flip n' Fold was not intended to treat Congenital and Inoperable Folding Impairment. No, the Flip n' Fold is meant to do nothing more than save time for those people who have basic folding ability, but just require a bit more time and effort to effect an upgrade to Professional Quality Folding.
First the garment must be perfectly aligned on the Flip n' Fold. (People who can perfectly align garments do not need a Flip n' Fold). Once that impossible task has been approximated to the best of one's ability, then and only then may one perform the joyous flipping As Seen on TV, and the glorious unflip, which will reveal a perfectly and Professional Quality Folded garment.
That's not quite how it happened with me. After several minutes of struggling with that alignment part, my joyous flip and glorious unflip revealed a lump that might, for some people, have vaguely called to mind a rectangular shape. But it was still unmistakably a lump.
Successive attempts continued to produce similar results, and that is pretty much where it stands today.
Even with the aid of the Flip n' Fold, I am incapable of even Beginner Apprentice's First Day Quality Folding.
I have a love-hate relationship with my Flip n' Fold.
Not unlike a starry-eyed teen in love with love, I love the idea of the Flip n' Fold, and of course I love the idea of my closet shelves being inhabited by those neat little stacks, but I hate the Flip n' Fold's unforgiving stance on the Alignment Question, its stubborn and blind adherence to the uncharitably worded "Garbage In, Garbage Out" doctrine, and the resulting disappointment of closet shelves inhabited by lump sculptures whose only difference from their non-Flip n' Folded brothers is a vaguely rectangular shape.
Just as it was that very first time, so many years ago.
Not too long ago Science decreed that hearty laughter provides the same cardio-vascular benefit as excercise, and when I think back to the day the Flip n' Fold arrived, and Mr Puff saw it and was told of its purpose, I realize that I love the fact that thanks to the Flip n' Fold, Mr Puff will not have to exercise again. Ever.
