I felt uncomfortable getting my massage.

  1. Sign up to become a TPF member, and most of the ads you see will disappear. It's free and quick to sign up, so join the discussion right now!
    Dismiss Notice
Our PurseForum community is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker. Thank you!
  1. #1 Aug 22, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2008
    So I wanted to get a massage today, I've just been overly stressed. So I'll start at the beginning of journey. I picked a place based on what I read on Yelp. This place I heard was pretty good minus the fact there was a large language barrier. I'm Asian, but I do not speak Chinese like they do. But I figured hey, I don't need to really talk to you as long as you're doing a good job! When I first called, the nice receptionist Thui told me that they had an hour available in about an hour. I asked for a certain masseuse (read on Yelp that those two masseuses I asked for was good) but she politely said that those two were busy for the evening. She assured me that everyone there was trained and equally as good. (Although I've read other wise on Yelp.) I told her I needed a female masseuses because I was molested by a man when I was little (3rd grade til 6th grade) and it started as a massage, (I don't want to go into more detail than that. I feel uncomfortable. Thanks for understanding) and I just didn't want to be faced with memories. I said I'll call back. I called back, another old sounding lady answered, and didn't greet me but just said, "Can you hold on please." I said okay, and was on hold for a total of 6 minutes and 54 seconds. And I don't mean I was on hold and just listening to some grand ol' elevator music. The lady literally put the phone done and continued to do her transaction with a customer. I over heard her trying to get the customer to buy a package deal, explain why it was a good deal, etc. Then after the customer got done paying I heard the staff just speaking their native language, Chinese. I even tried to say, "Hello??" on the phone hoping someone would hear me and pick up the phone. Then I pressed someone buttons on the phone thinking they'd hear that. No luck. I just hung up and dialed again. This time another friendly young lady answered, I believe it was the same girl that answered the first time. I said I'll go ahead and take the hour slot before it got filled. She then told me "L" names of two woman who will have me. Either one or the other. I got there, I checked in. She took my credit card, and said she's hold on to it. I'm thinking, "Why??" I mean she could just swipe it now, or let me give it to her later. That sat uneasy with me, but whatever. I didn't want to be more stressed.

    I sat down with my number and immediately a guy calls my number and I following him to my room. I thought he was just showing me to my room so I got in, he made the bed in about one minute, and then told me undress. He left the room. I got undressed and laid down on the table. Then he came back in, I looked at the clock and noted the time to see if he would massage me for exactly one hour. Time was 7:54 although my session was suppose to start at 7:50.

    I immediately felt very tense. This was a MAN massaging me, what the hell?? The whole time I felt very very tense because of this. I felt he put my panties and the blanket down too low, I just felt uncomfortable overall. I know I wanted a hard deep tissue, but I felt like this guy was trying to kill me. It was so hard at certain pressure points, I thought he was trying to do a Kill Bill move and kill me in one simple touch! I have to give it to him, for a tiny guy he had loads of strength!! I had to tell him to lighten up a bit a few times, and yes there was a huge language barrier. I'd have to say lighter, then he'd be too soft. Then I'd say a wee bit harder, then he'd go super hard. And I'd say softer. He didn't seem to have a "middle" type of pressure. I was going to go to the front desk to tell the ladies there that I didn't want a guy, and if I was going to get a guy I'd have to be able to communicate with him. But I my mind was going crazy and I couldn't think of how to tell him to step out while I redress and go outside to talk to the ladies. There was a big language barrier. I just said screw it!

    Some positives though, Jones (masseuse) knew his stuff! It was embarrassing, I could HEAR him tackling my knots! When he'd work my knots it would make sounds like a freaking creaking door! It was so loud!! I'm sure he knew I was stressed!! At my last 20 minutes, people in the next room holding a conversation! I'm trying to relax here man! Jones did a fabulous job with my calves! Tickled my feet like hell, I almost budged so much I felt like I'd kick him in the face.

    At the end he exited the room, and I was like in shock. That was a freaking hour?! And it was!! 8:54 pm! An exact hour! It went by really fast. Fastest ever!! I think it was because I was so stressed of the situation and thinking of everything, my mind was just so busy I couldn't really relax.

    Looking near my clothing, I saw a little black book. It said tips were appreciated. I remember at the front desk that they had a sign and it said at every cashier spot that cash tips were very appreciated by the masseuses and that it's accustomary to tip 12% and they even broke it down to how much average a tip was. And then on the paper they give you with your number as you wait for them to call your number the paper even says what you ordered, how much it was, and broke it down to show you how much you should tip! I tipped accordingly. I mean it's not his fault they messed up giving me a guy. He himself put a lot of energy and work into my hour. He deserved it although he was really hard on me. I exited and he greeted me with a cup of water. I thanked him and walked to the front desk and was greeted by two ladies a younger one (the one I booked with) and an older lady. They asked me to purchase a package, I declined and said why. They tried to find out why there was a miscommunication, the girl said she spoke to me but didn't get that I needed a woman. I told them all the problems, the older lady (owner?) said sorry but if I can buy a package I get try different masseuses until I found the one I liked. I politely said no. Hello, you just gave me a guy when I asked for a woman and told you why. I wouldn't want to pay hundreds of dollars for a package when I didn't even like my first visit. Maybe I'll come back to try someone different, and if I liked that one then I'd buy a package. As I walked away, the younger girl said, "Bye Missie." That was a nice touch, her remembering my name.


    I came home and DF's Dad asked how it went. I told him about the incident and he told me basically I shouldn't have stressed it because me being molested happened years ago and it wasn't like my molester was touching me. I felt so crushed. I'm not the type of person to be like super senstive about it. I went to therapy for it and I'm fine with what happened now. I don't like sit and cry for hours. But just having someone touch me I felt so awkward. Hearing DF's Dad say that made me want to :crybaby:. It made me feel like I'm over reacting to this situation. I mean I didn't like cry or get super angry and run out of the spa. I was polite the whole time. :confused1:


    Thanks for reading if you got this far.
     
  2. aw you poor thing. that is ridiculous, i am so sorry this happened to you. stay strong! :flowers:
     
  3. I am so sorry that happened to you. There are not really any words that I can say that will not sound just stupidly inadequate, I hope that you are talking to somebody, if you are not, please consider it. That kind of experience can keep people hurt for their whole lives. Don't be one. Do not give your abuser that power.

    As for your massage situation, I think the most likely thing is just a plain misunderstanding. Somehow somebody may have even gotten that you specifically wanted a man!

    Obviously they are a business, they want you to come back, and if they did understand that you wanted a woman, they would have assigned a female masseuse to you.

    That may be common sense, that may be what happened, but your feelings are not about logic and common sense, they are your feelings.

    The good part is you got a kickass massage, at least! And the deep tissue stuff would not have been nearly so painful had you not been so upset and tense. I am sure he did not mean to pull anything down too far. That would, again, be stupid. That is his profession, he wants people to come back, and ask for him!

    When you chooose a new massage establishment, maybe go in person, to make sure that the person is paying attention to you, not distracted by another client, or another employee, or obviously wanting to sneeze, or any of the thousand things that could have caused the place you visited today to get your wishes completely opposite.

    So, I know it is hard, but try to just let today go, maybe ask around a bit more, get some more recommendations, the most ideal of all, when you find a new place, would be for you to make a hello-get-acquainted visit WITH someone who is already a client, but failing that, you just go, and make sure there is no misunderstanding, and please, if you are not seeing a counselor, start, and if you are, maybe give her a call tonight, let her know you have had an experience you need to talk about!

    And check back in here and count all the hugs you will get - from your sisters AND your brothers here! :smile:

    :hugs: Oh! There goes one now!
     
  4. I'm sorry for what happened to you.


    It didn't sound to me like anything inappropriate happened during the massage.



    But if you were that uncomfortable during the massage, go to another place.


    Or if you wanted to go back there, make sure you get a woman.
     
  5. :hugs: From Frosty to Missie :smile: :heart:
     
  6. Hi Shimma. I did go to therapy for about 3 years. I now have no problem with talking about it or anything. I am fine with everything, but when a strange man touches me, then I just feel uncomfortable. In general I guess. I felt like his "package" was touching against me when leaning on the table, but I'm sure that was just his apron that had like his pens and hair clips and what not. He was a very nice guy, and a good masseuse for someone else. I think I just felt so uncomfortable I couldn't enjoy it. Bummer, it could have been great if my mind wasnt going bonkers. And thanks for your hug!!
     
  7. Oh no, he didn't. He was professional at all times. I just personally felt very uncomfortable the whole time and my mind was just going crazy. I was so tense. The place I love is about double the price and over an hour and thirty minutes away. I plan those in advanced, and I was just looking for a ASAP quick fix type of place. I will have to keep searching!!
     
  8. I agree.:hugs:

    *** BTW, I've always wanted a male masseuse but I'm too shy:shame:. I have a friend that only goes to males because she says they are more intense...
     
  9. Was he really good? Would you go to him again if he is gay? Then you would know that he is not having inappropriate thoughts...
     
  10. my dad says the same thing they are much more intense. but i just cant get over some stranger touching me, just like how my molester started out as.

    he did a great job, im sure someone else would have been in freakin heaven. but i have to weigh it out. and i think ill settle with a strong (maybe not as strong) female. he did do a good job, i just felt very uncomfortable. thanks for the huggies!!
     
  11. Sweetie, next time you don't feel 100% comfortable with something DON'T DO IT! You are the customer and are not obligated to participate in something you don't want to with someone you don't want to. I also prefer females when getting a massage. If none are available, I walk. If they keep me hanging on the phone, I hang up. Theres always another day and another spa. As for DFs dad, just forgive and let go. Unless someone has been a victim of molestation, they don't understand or don't want to understand because they just don't want to go there. Its not important that he ever gets it. Its absolutely imperative though that you find healing from it.
    As for the spa, they don't seem to care about their customers needs or requests and isn't that what a pampering place is all about? There are a million great spas in your area. Find another place.
    :heart:
     
  12. :tender: hope you feel better.
     

  13. haha, i love me my gay guys. but even if he was gay i wouldn't go back. i dont feel comfortable touching me at all. not even tickling me, i dont like pats on the back, or my sides. (unless im like crying.) i just dont. its like my personal space. and it gives me flashes of my past. my old boss would touch my back i have no idea why, and i told him to stop. this is the ONLY time i think of my past. i think the touching just opens that window.

    and he was a bit too hard. i heard my knots (which was cool, yet embarrassing) and im boney so i felt like i was going to crack. he was a bit too hard for me, and when i said to lighten up he was too soft. he didnt have a "middle" mode. i think some people could just read their clients by their body language when to lighten up in certain areas and where you can go a bit harder.
     
  14. Thanks Shoo. I was really tempted to get up and talk to the front desk. However I couldn't figure out how to ask him to go outside so I can dress. I don't mind DF's Dad not understanding. I wouldn't ever want him to "understand" fully because that means he'll have to experience it, and I wouldnt' want even my worst enemy to have that happen to them. I'm not mad at DF's dad either, I just felt like with his response it was like I was being unreasonable which then made me feel bad.
     
  15. :sad::hugs: