I feel so sad...(I miss my dad)

S

starbucksqueen

O.G.
Jun 8, 2006
1,869
1,065
#1
A year ago my father went to sleep and I am feeling an incredible sadness. He died December 14 last year and had been very ill, but somehow, that doesn't matter. Have tried to do the usual holiday thing, but can't get into it. My bf isn't that sympathetic, his own father died in March, and he has his own pain. It is not a constant thing, just little things from time to time. At least I was able to talk to him the night before he died. Purses, things, they don't replace people and never will. So, as you celebrate Chanukah, Christmas, Solstice, Kwanzaa, New Year, give thanks for them and give them a big hug. BTW, tpf people, you're great and I appreciate you. Thanks for listening.
In peace.
 
#2
(((((((((HUGS))))))))) I'm SO sorry for your loss. I pray that his soul made a joyous journey to heaven.

Also, perhaps your boyfriend is not being unsympathetic. Maybe he is internalizing his own loss.
 
#3
I am really sorry that this time of year is feeling so sad for you. I don't know if it will help, but maybe by remembering all the other Christmases with your family, it will help make this one easier. I am really sorry about your Dad.
 
#4
I am so sorry for you and know how much you miss him. My Mom died on December 21st 4 years ago and her funeral was on Christmas Eve. (can you believe they had to do it that day???). So I also know how hard it is to try to do the usual things--especially it being your first holiday without him. I know it is said time and time again but things do get easier. They will never be the same but the numbness you walk around with the first year or two does fade away. I miss my Mom so much but I miss that she is missing so many things in our lives, so it is more of a "Mom would have loved to see this (usually thinking of all she is missing with her grandchildren)but that awlful saddness does go away and I guess acceptance of a person being gone fills in. Please know you are not alone. I think being able to talk to your father the night before he died is a wonderful gift. My mom had a stroke and was out of it so for 4 weeks we did not know if she heard us or even know we were there but I really believe in my heart she did. I just wanted to let you know I am saying a prayer for you that you find peace and may you surround yourself with family and friends who love you.
Hugs.
 
#5
Thank you. So many of us must struggle during the holidays with these things. In time, it will get better; I know. It is just so hard when everything promotes CHEER, and fakey kind of joy. Sometimes the true meaning of Christmas is lost. (And I always loved to shop, send nice cards, caroling, the music in church. Making a snack for reindeer) So again thanks for your kind words. It does help.
 
#6
starbucksqueen I am sending you huge hugs right now! Gilliana is absolutely right. The first year is the absolute hardest, and somehow it gets better over time. I get a bit sad this time of year as well because I miss my parents (i lost my dad when i was 26 and my mom at 32), but I force myself to do the things that usually make me happy (ie. shopping, being with loved ones), and before I even realize it, I feel better. It also gives me solace that I too was able to talk to my parents before they each died and that closure really helps as I reflect on everything. Although, there will always be occasions where they are sadly missed, but I try to think of how happy they would be for me if they were here.

Just know that you are not alone and that we are all here for you.
 
#7
Starbucksqueen, sorry about your loss and the tough time you are going through. My dad passed away three years ago. He lived to the grand old age of 86 but I still miss discussing football (Liverpool FC) with him.
 
#8
Im so sorry you lost you father. I too have lost my mom and dad. The first year is the hardest. Try to stay busy and talk about your feelings as much as possible. That seems to help.
 
#9
*hugs* I'm so sorry for your loss, especially in the holiday season. Maybe you can help yourself heal by helping others - community service like at a food bank or a gift drive? You might be able to help give back the real meaning of Christmas that way. You're in my thoughts.
 
#10
So sorry! We just lost PHH's father last month..so I totally understand the loss.Its even tougher around the holidays.**HUGS!**...itll get better with time.Just remember all the fun times you had with him.
 
#11
((hugs)) I am so sorry for your loss. Like dusty paws said, maybe it would make you feel better to get involved in community service or organizations. I hope you can enjoy the holiday season.
 
#12
It's really hard around the holidays when you're sad and feeling the loss of your dad. Both my parents died around the holidays (mother just before Thanksgiving and dad Dec. 9, some years ago) and when this time of year comes, I let myself feel sad, but it does get better. Don't rush it. It's still pretty fresh for you.

(((hugs)))
 
#13
Big hugs to you...My father passed away a few years ago and I was his biggest fan. It has been a terribly painful process for me. It does get easier, but then there are days it was like yesterday. Today was one of those days for me. My best friend and SIL just found out after a somewhat routine surgery on her father this afternoon that he has stage 4 cancer...Im so sad...and worried...and ugh....I think loosing your father is such a huge lose.
Lots of sads times to come in the next few months and as my wounds are just healing hers are just starting. Anyway...my thoughts are with you. BIG HUGS! ( I totaly "get" how you feel) xx
 
#14
Major hugs.

My dad died from cancer when I was 8 years old. I used to lock myself in closets and cry but in front of people I never cried...I even cracked jokes about it. Totally inappropriate but it was (and is) my way of dealing with things.

Don't run away from it...just embrace the sadness. Make a photo album of him. Talk about him ... or just cry. And let your boyfrien grieve in his way. Everyone grieves differently.
 
#15
I am so sorry to hear of your loss,:sad: ..my grandmother died this time 2 years ago and I will never be over it, and now my father is very ill, and may not make it. I send you my love and support...:heart:
 
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